


Kings

by stygianalpha



Series: follow me (wherever i go) [2]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety Disorder, Cannibalism, Explicit Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Murderers, Nonbinary Character, Other, Past Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Self-Harm Mentions, Possessive Behavior, Recreational Drug Use, Separation Anxiety, Sex Work, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-02
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2018-05-27 11:06:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 84,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6282160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stygianalpha/pseuds/stygianalpha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Navigating a relationship is difficult when Felix spends his life refusing to get attached. Even if his neighbor - boyfriend? partner? something - is unbelievably hot. </p><p>..//<br/>2nd act: when the past comes to light and everything gets a little heavier.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. i'm not a sinner, i confess at the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> picks up directly after the end of Giants. like, literally. there is no summary of the previous act, though things are directly referenced. without reading the previous act, this one will be difficult to understand.
> 
> with that out of the way:  
> \-- please pay attention the fic tags. please.  
> \-- for this chapter: warnings for cannibalism discussion, murder discussion, and implied assault. and racist comments. blame felix.
> 
> tread lightly, friends. i promise nothing will be too explicit, but take care of yourselves.

If Felix was lucky, this wouldn’t turn out badly. No one would have to die, no police involved. No possibility of him being arrested for the string of murders. He could continue his life of murder and lies, and no one would be any wiser.

Except all of that depended on Locus.

There were too many ‘what if’ scenarios now. What if Locus decided he didn’t like Felix anymore? Would he go to police then? Or if those words, so kind and comforting, had been a ruse - if he didn’t truly mean it, not a single word. Surely Locus would turn Felix in then, might already have. What if he was on his way to the cops?

What if, some day down the road, Locus laid eyes on Felix while he was killing? What if he looked down a dark alleyway and saw someone he cared for - someone he had coaxed into a relationship - and decided it wasn’t worth it. That Felix wasn’t worth it. He could decide Felix was too dangerous, that the life of secrecy he’d agreed to was too hard, too difficult, too anxiety-inducing to power through. He could turn Felix over in a heartbeat, just because it would make his own life easier. Then he’d never have to look back.

Too many scenarios. Too many outcomes. Too many ways for Felix to be imprisoned by someone he had given such valuable information to - someone he had trusted. All of it haunted Felix throughout the rest of his day, drifting through his mind as he worked, as he rode the bus home, trudged through the snow. He lay awake at night, tossing in bed and twisting the sheets around him because he couldn’t stop himself from thinking.

At half past four, he sat up and kicked the blankets off, reaching for his phone. More missed messages from Miguel - apologies, bullshit that Felix ignored to text Locus instead. He typed, “Don’t ever turn me in,” and erased it, stared at the blinking cursor and tried making sense of the confused thoughts chasing circles through his skull.

He couldn’t tell Locus any of this. He shouldn’t have even thought about it.

With his nerves frayed, though, Felix had to send something. In the end, he settled for, “Are you my partner in crime now?”

The reply came during the early morning hours, after he had actually fallen asleep: “I’ll be your support,” Locus had sent.

Part of Felix ached to know what that meant, how much support he’d be given. If the support would last until his murderous habits became too much. He groaned, a noise that barely escaped his closed lips, and collapsed on his back into the pillows, hands coming up to rub at his eyes.

At some point, he’d have to ask. To calm himself, Felix would have to figure this out.

✹ ✹ ✹

There was a second problem. One that rose to slap Felix in the face, something he honestly hadn’t even considered, what with the serial killer secret torrenting through his mind every waking minute.

He was in a relationship. Sure, they had never labeled it as such, but they both knew it. When Felix finally rolled out of bed two days after his meth hangover, he had messages from Locus. A request for dinner - or, eloquently framed by Locus, to do anything whatsoever. After that, a note that Locus didn’t start classes until Monday, and then that he’d be free most evenings unless classwork needed to be done. All of it in that abrupt way he had of texting.

And Felix considered all three messages while standing in his boxers by the side of his bed. He stared at them until it beat through his skull that this was what he had agreed to. A relationship. With things like dinners and movies that were suddenly so much more than just hanging out with someone.

The sun streamed in through a gap in his curtains, there was a chill around his bare feet, and Felix finally heard the alarm bells going off.

This was a relationship.

With a man that knew who he was.

Christ, he was so fucked.

He went out with Locus twice in the next few days, navigating around his work schedule and the alarms that went off anytime they spent longer than an hour together. They had dinner at a local cafe, and it was fine - until Felix looked at Locus and everything came rushing back. They went to a movie, where they stood outside in the snow and argued over which one to see for fifteen minutes before Felix caved to Locus’s wishes just to get out of the snow.

The movie was easier, he found. Locus may not have gone for the scifi thriller that Felix had wanted to see, but it was easy to lose himself in the film. With the movie playing, he could forget that Locus was supposed to mean something, that this whole evening was supposed to mean something. There was one instance where Locus took his hand, but Felix let it pass. His fingers were still cold from the snow, and Locus’s thumb running over his knuckles was oddly pleasant.

Still, once they left and he was sitting in Locus’s car, it was all he could think about. That was a date - these little outings were dates now. And they likely meant more to Locus than they did to him.

Was that a problem? He wasn’t sure, but it could become one. It was something he had already thought about: that Locus would grow tired of him, of the fact that he couldn’t return the same amount of feeling, and just… that’d be it.

They made it home without much conversation, a comfortable quiet settling between them. As they stood on their floor in the cold night air, Locus pulled Felix close and kissed him. Slow, gentle, and just enough to make Felix think that was at least one way he was sure to clear his mind. When they separated, he had one hand holding onto Locus’s jacket. He said, “I want you to fuck me as hard as you can,” in a hushed voice. “Bend me over.”

Locus showed no change in his expression at all. As Felix took a breath to keep talking, Locus said, “Grey’s home.”

As if that mattered. “So, we can go to my place,” Felix said. “Come on, Locs. Fuck me.” He trailed his hand down Locus’s chest before taking his hand to lead him inside. Now that he’d had the idea, having sex with Locus sounded great. It had always been nice in the past, and sex generally worked well to relax him so this was going to be a win no matter how it turned out.

They stepped into the apartment and Locus said, “Is anyone home?”

Felix shrugged, already pulling Locus to his bedroom. “I don’t know. Does it matter?”

“Well - “

“Don’t answer that.” He didn’t want to hear whatever bullshit Locus had to say to try and get out of this. He felt Locus’s hand tighten around his own and sighed. “Look. It’ll be fine, okay?” He didn’t turn around, just walked down the short hall and pushed his door open. “No one here gives a damn what I do, and none of them cares if I fuck someone here.”

In his room, Felix let go of Locus to shrug out of his jacket and throw it onto his desk. He watched as Locus shut the door, then reached for him again, reached for the buttons of his jacket. Somehow, he suspected Locus was on edge about this - like fucking Felix in his room was too different or something like that. So, while Felix slid his hands underneath the heavy coat and against Locus’s shirt, he leaned forward to bite at Locus’s neck. An awkward angle, but he made it work until Locus’s jacket was off.

“Relax,” Felix said, keeping his voice low. He smiled at Locus, coy, a look meant to entice. He smoothed his hands over Locus’s broad shoulders and up around his neck, then pulled him down for another kiss.

Soon enough, they were on Felix’s bed. Locus held him down as they kissed, hands wandering under his shirt, up his sides and skating over his ribs. There was a moment where Felix breathed a laugh against Locus’s lips; he blamed the heavy, warm hands on his sides, brushing over his skin. It made Locus pull back enough to help Felix pull his shirt off. Once Locus had shed his shirt as well, Felix pulled him back down. He wanted Locus to push him into the mattress, wanted to feel the weight of another person on him.

That at least came true. Clothes came off, Felix reminded Locus to _bend him over_ , and there he was, on his elbows and his knees. Locus was behind him, heavy, powerful, hands running over his back. For a moment, Locus leaned against him, pressed their naked bodies together. He spoke into Felix’s ear, arms wrapping around him: “At least be quiet.”

Felix laughed. “Maybe. Can’t promise anything.”

Locus kissed his neck, his shoulder, and Felix reminded him of the matter at hand by rubbing his bare ass against Locus’s hard cock.

In his defense, Felix did try to stay quiet. It just proved a bit difficult to remember when he could hardly think from Locus fucking him. It wasn’t that the pace of the sex was rough enough to melt his mind - but Locus had decided to lay flat against him at some point, pressing Felix’s chest into the mattress as they moved together. His arms were tight around Felix’s middle, one of his hands stroking Felix and leaving Felix free to twist his hands through sheets.

Locus mouthed at his neck, whispered against his flesh, breath hot. He spoke, strings of foreign words spun together after ragged breaths. It took a few seconds for Felix to identify it as Spanish. It was lovely, nearly beautiful, to hear. When he finished, Locus squeezed Felix tighter, his shuddering moan deep and amazing - it sent sparks down Felix’s spine that only intensified when Locus’s hand began moving over his cock again. He came with a cry that was sure to be heard.

After, he sat on the edge of his bed, considering what clothes to put on (if any), and enjoyed the afterglow. And the sweet relief from all his troubled thoughts that it brought.

✹ ✹ ✹

It didn’t take long for Locus to say something.

The following day, Felix left for work at nine in the morning. He came home cold, hungry, wishing the sun would come out and melt the snow. He came home to Locus sitting at his kitchen table, frowning at the table. Beside him, Sister was ranting about having to get a job; Tucker stood at the stove, cooking something that had clearly come out of a box.

Felix paused, throwing a confused look at Tucker. “Uh, dude, what the fuck is he doing here?”

“Oh thank god,” Tucker said. “Please take him away. I think Kai’s gonna piss him off or something.”

From the table, Kai scoffed at the same time Locus said, “You do realize I can hear you both.”

Felix grumbled a curse, glared at Tucker, and then walked stiffly over to Locus to take him by the arm. This wasn’t what he had expected. He wasn’t prepared for Locus - for the relationship, for his overwhelming paranoia that something would go wrong. It was… unnerving. Shook him down to the bones.

His grip on Locus was too tight; he didn’t blame the guy when Locus shook him off and merely followed him into his room.

As soon as the door shut, Felix turned on him. “What the fuck are you doing here?” he demanded. It came out too harsh, too layered with all his frustration. He hadn’t really meant it too. “You knew I was at work.”

“You never said when you were off.” Locus spoke so bluntly, like this should have been obvious. He was staring down at Felix with a concerned look, brow furrowed, gaze intense. “I wanted to make sure I caught you.”

“Could have called, or texted, or anything else other than show up in my apartment.”

“There’s always a chance you’ll go out with someone else,” Locus said, “no matter how I contact you.”

Felix shrugged his jacket off, letting it fall to the floor. His feet hurt, his stomach was growling, and he was itching for Chinese food. “What do you want?” he asked while he pulled his work clothes off.

“I wanted to talk to you.”

Felix fixed him with an unamused stare, a careful mask. His mind was whirring, gears turning so fast that it was static. He wasn’t surprised to see that Locus wasn’t looking at him, but over his head. His heart sank, and something in his gut clenched into iron coils.

Right. Here it was then.

He said, “About what,” as casually as he possibly could.

“You’ve been…”

He trailed off with a frown, and Felix turned away. He needed something to wear - something comfortable, easy to move it. Couldn’t have this conversation in his underwear. Locus continued as he threw open his closet door.

“Distant. You’ve been distant lately.”

Felix didn’t answer. He pulled on a pair of sweats, eyeing the stained duffle bag that sat on his closet floor. He remembered before, when he had considered killing Locus, and found it to be unsettling now. Would he do it, though? If he had to. If there was no other choice.

Locus said, “If there’s something bothering you, I want to know. I want you to talk to me.”

Felix chewed on his lip, a shirt in one hand. It didn’t sound like Locus was going to turn him in but maybe this was the buildup. The precursor to telling Felix that it wasn’t going to work, not with him. He took a deep breath and withdrew from the closet to face Locus again. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said stiffly.

Locus frowned. “Felix.”

“Locus.” He thought about Locus turning him over to the police, of the fate that awaited him in prison, and his hands clenched into fists. Silence took over for just long enough for Locus to begin speaking again. Felix ran that over quickly. “I’m not having this conversation right now. I’m hungry, I’m tired, and you pushing this shit on me is not what I need right now.”

It looked like Locus was going to argue on this but Felix wasn’t going to let him. He went to grab his phone, remember it was in his work pants, and snarled curses while he retrieved it. “You’re welcome to stay and eat,” he said to Locus, “but you better not try to talk to me about anything but the food. Got it?” The Chinese place was in his contacts - naturally, anyone who ate as much bullshit junk food as Felix needed Chinese places already there to call - and set to ordering. Halfway through, he turned to Locus and barked, “Do you want anything or not?”

Locus didn’t answer fast enough, so Felix ordered an extra serving of orange chicken and more egg rolls. And then, while he waited for his food, Felix bustled around his room and cleaned it up a bit. Not because he knew the mess would irritate Locus, but just. A messy room got to him too. Eventually.

Besides, cleaning was better than sitting in silence and glowering at Locus.

When he took his dirty clothes out to throw in the washer, it just so happened to be the same time the food arrived. Felix ignored Tucker and Sister eating their own meal at the table, taking his absurd amount of food back to his room.

Locus stood at his desk, staring at a case that sat on it. As Felix stepped over to him, he reached out and prodded the lid open. “Don’t touch that,” Felix said. He came to stand by Locus and dropped the bag of food onto the desk. “It’s my knives. You aren’t allowed to touch them. Ever.”

“You keep the knives on your desk?” Locus asked. He was still staring at the case even as Felix started taking food out. “In the open?”

“No one goes in my room.”

One look at Locus made it clear that the asshole didn’t believe that. Felix gave him a cold stare, told him to get drinks from the fridge, and picked up a container to take to the bed. He turned on his TV, flicked through netflix, and chose the goriest movie he could find. It was dumb, hardly worth his attention, but it was the type of thing that Locus hated. So Felix watched it. He heard the chair at his desk move and glanced over to see Locus sitting down over there, his back to the TV.

All in all, it was great. Except not at all because Felix spent every minute with anxiety building in his stomach, casting glances at Locus every so often. Finally, roughly half an hour into the movie, he paused it and sighed. “Fine. Okay. You win.”

The response was immediate. “You’ll talk then?”

Felix didn’t look at him, but nodded. He was sure that Locus had turned to look at him, to watch him as the conversation unfolded.

It was stupid how much this bothered him. How much talking about it was bothering him.

He said, “You’re a liability, Locus. That’s what’s bothering me.” He looked back at Locus, caught his gaze and continued. “I’m not going to prison,” he said quietly. “Ever. I don’t care what I have to do, I’m never going to be caught.”

“Why would you - “

“You’re a liability,” Felix repeated. “You - you _know_ things that you shouldn’t, and I’m not entirely sure what to do about it.” When Locus looked as if he was going to speak, Felix shook his head, threw up one hand to halt him. “No, okay, listen. I fucked up. I made a mistake, took some shit I shouldn’t have, and I fucked up. I told you - my goddamn neighbor - who I am and what I do.” It felt like his heart was beating too fast. He frowned and dropped his hand to his lap, looking at it instead of Locus. “You know about my biggest secret, the part of me that no one was ever supposed to see, and I’ve only known you, what? Five months? Maybe?”

He paused, and he could feel the tension in the room. Fuck. This sucked so hard. Locus seemed to be waiting, making sure Felix was done before he spoke up.

And, naturally, Felix couldn’t stop himself from saying more. “I always told myself I’d kill anyone that found out about this. There wasn’t any problems with that because I had nothing in the way of murdering anyone I knew.” No messy relationships, no complicated feelings. Nothing but dumb jokes and casual smiles. “But you know. And now, I just. I don’t know. According to my own plans, I should kill you, but…”

“Do you want to?” Locus interrupted.

Felix looked at him, still frowning. “Want to what?”

“Kill me.”

And there it was again. That gut-wrenching feeling of being totally unsettled by one thought. Slowly, Felix shook his head, not speaking.

Locus must have been connecting things together as Felix spoke because the next thing he said was, “Are you afraid you’ll end up in prison if you don’t kill me?”

“Pretty much.” He leaned back, running a hand through his hair as he collapsed into the sheets. “This is so stupid. I fucked up so bad.”

“You’re not going to prison,” Locus said. “At least, I wouldn’t have anything to do with you going to prison.”

He had said something like that before, and Felix had doubted it then. He groaned, kicked a container still half full of food off his bed, and sat back up. “How can I trust that?” he said. “I barely even know you! I wouldn’t even believe my own goddamn parents if they said that, so what makes you so fucking special?”

Locus said something under his breath and Felix chose to ignore it. All those situations he had come up with were at the front of his mind, all the different ways for Locus to fuck him over. All the little things that he feared.

“Say you get angry at me one day,” he said, “and just decide that you can’t put up with this. You can’t deal with me, or the murders, and you just… turn me in. It’d be so easy. You have nothing to fear here. I’m the one going to jail and you’d get some reward for catching me or whatever - “

“I’d never turn you in,” Locus insisted.

Felix glared at him. “You would. Anyone would.”

“I wouldn’t.” He hesitated, eyes boring into Felix. “What would it take for you to believe me? I’ve had several days to consider this, Felix, one of which you spent asleep in my bed. I made my choice and I chose you. I will always choose you.”

That was ridiculous. Even ignoring the fact that it sounded cheesy as hell, it was just stupid. “Don’t say that,” he said. “That’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever said.”

“It’s true.”

All of Felix’s nervous energy was building into frustration. He tore his eyes from Locus only to look at the mess of noodles spilling over his floor from the container he’d kicked over. That angered him too and he let out a frustrated noise before slipping off his bed to clean up the mess. “You can’t say shit like that,” he said while he cleaned. Had to use his hands, which was disgusting. “You sound like a creepy stalker or some shit, and on top of that, how the fuck can you know if that’s true? How do you know you won’t get tired of this - this - “ He paused to gesture furtively at himself with a scowl. Surely Locus would get that.

Or not. “I have no idea what you mean,” Locus said slowly, “but I promise you, I will never - “

“Oh my fucking god, shut up.” Felix stood, Chinese food container in one hand, and frowned at the mess on the other. “I have to go wash my hands and when I come back, you better have a better argument than this bullshit. ‘Cause this isn’t cutting it. You’re still a liability and whatever we’ve got goin’ on just seems like way more trouble than it’s worth.”

He took his time in washing his hands, thinking that this was ending badly. This wasn’t going how he had hoped and the less Locus did to settle his fears, the more Felix was positive he would have to kill him. There was no other alternative, no way out of this mess. He sighed, dropped the dirty food into the bathroom trashcan, and went back to his room. Back to Locus and the inevitable.

Locus was at his bed now, fixing the sheets and the pillows into some form of order. Felix watched him for a bit with a frown - even now, with this serious bullshit, Locus had to make things neat and tidy. “Stop that,” he said, and Locus dropped the pillow in his hands.

“You seem less angry,” Locus said.

That would be because he was slowly forcing himself to calm down. Had to be calm if he was going to kiil someone. “Yeah. Got anything better to say or am I kicking you out?”

“I had a few ideas.” Locus sat on the edge of the bed then, watching Felix. It seemed like he wanted Felix to sit with him, but Felix stood where he was, rooted to the spot a few feet into the room. After a few seconds, Locus continued. “The first was that you could simply stop killing people.”

“Not good enough,” Felix said instantly. “You could still turn me in for the others.”

“I have no evidence on those. Nothing but your word, and that would hardly hold up in a court.”

Felix made a face, waved for him to continue.

“The next…” He paused, took a breath, and shook his head. “It’s perhaps my least favorite, but I could accompany you. When you go out next, I mean. I can come with you, see what you do, and if after that you still don’t trust that I won’t turn against you, then we’ll go from there.”

There was an appeal to that. Just slightly, the tiniest bit of interest - but was it because Felix so badly wanted to see what damage Locus could cause? Seconds stretched on and neither of them said anything, Felix staring at the floor by his feet, considering. Picturing Locus following him into a dark alley and watching as he slit the throat of his next victim. “I - I don’t know,” he said finally. “I always go alone. I’d have to factor in how to deal with you, what you’d do, how someone would react to you. It’s a lot of stuff. And - “

And there was always the chance that it wouldn’t work. That if Locus was telling the truth, seeing it would scare him and vanish all of that. They’d be right where they started.

“I could just watch,” Locus offered. “I have no interest in causing violence, Felix. You shouldn’t have to change what you do because I’m there.”

That was less to deal with, sure. “I… guess it’s a start.” He could still frighten Locus that way. “Sure. Okay. You can come with me next time.” If he scared Locus, at least he’d have the knives then. He’d already be at the scene of a crime, could easily take out Locus too.

Locus stood then, walked over just to take Felix by the shoulders. As soon as he did, Felix tensed and he knew Locus would notice. “There is one other idea,” he said quietly. “It’s less about these… habits of yours. You mentioned that you barely know me. I thought it might help if we talked.”

“We’ve been talking.”

“About ourselves, Felix.” He was sliding his hands down Felix’s arms, and Felix squirmed out of his grip. “I thought that if you got to know more about me, you wouldn’t be so on edge.”

“That’s stupid.”

“Humor me.”

It could work as a distraction. Still, Felix rolled his eyes and shoved past Locus. “Fine. Whatever.” He sat up against the pillows on his bed, staring at Locus and waiting.

When Locus came to join him, all he said was, “Is there anything you’d like to know?”

“Ugh, fuck. You want me to ask?” He had no goddamn idea. “Fuckin’ shit. Uh - how big is your dick?”

Locus frowned at him. “Felix.”

“What? It’s a thing I should know.”

“Try to take this seriously.”

As if he could do that after agreeing to take this jackass along for a murder. It was bad enough he was sitting there and eyeing the points where a knife would easily slide into Locus’s throat and end his life. “Oh, fuck, man, sorry. Guess next time you take it out to fuck me I’ll have a ruler handy.”

The look on Locus’s face was hilarious. “Felix.”

“Alright, fine.” A beat. “What’s your favorite thing about me?”

At that, Locus let out a long and irritated sigh. He raised one hand to his temples and said, “Right now, absolutely nothing. You’re insufferable.”

Felix frowned. He hadn’t really been expecting much from a joke question, but that was rude. And this was such a waste of time. He eyed the terrible movie still frozen on his TV and wondered if he could just stop talking. Reach for the controller, find a different movie and watch that. Just kind of tune Locus out until he gave up and left and Felix was alone again.

Of course, if he was alone, he wouldn’t do anything but worry and stress and not sleep. Again. So, he sighed, and said, “I don’t know, alright? This seriously seems like the stupidest thing to do right now. I don’t know what you want me to ask you or what I want to know.” He gestured at Locus with one hand. “Like, shit, man. You know shit about me no one else does and what am I supposed to ask in return? What’s your favorite color? Fuck that.”

“It’s green,” Locus said. And while Felix stumbled over his words to protest that he did not actually want to know, Locus added, “What’s yours?”

“I - Blue.” It wasn’t. But he was staring at Locus’s eyes and it seemed like a good choice. Another bout of silence threatened to set in, and Felix picked at the edge of his shirt before giving in. If this was going to happen, then he was going to do it right. “If we’re gonna sit here and do this kind of shit,” he said, “I don’t want to know boring things. Give me the good stories. Like… Like, tell me an embarrassing story.”

“I’m not sure if - “

“C’mon. I’ll even trade you one of mine.” He nudged Locus with one hand, even offered a smile.

Locus’s brow was furrowed, eyes cast away from Felix. He said, “Before you interrupted, I was going to say that I’m not sure if I have many embarrassing stories. None that you would find interesting.”

“Everyone has embarrassing stories. Don’t bullshit me.”

At that, Locus sighed. “In high school, I accidentally punched a younger student in the face. She cried, it caused a scene, and since this was after my growth spurt, any students who saw it happen spread rumors about how violent I was.”

“That’s all?” He made a face when Locus frowned in his direction, shrugging. “Sorry. Just doesn’t seem all that embarrassing.”

“When you’re a sixteen-year-old prone to anxiety attacks, yes, it’s incredibly embarrassing,” Locus said. He still looked a little annoyed; for a second, it seemed like he might say something else, but he just shook his head.

So, Felix offered his own. A trade, just like he had said. “Alright, alright. I’ll tell you one of my many great stories.” He sat up straighter, pressed a hand against his chest and put on this air of superiority. “When I was sixteen, I got caught in the middle of giving a dude a blowjob in the school locker rooms. Not only was this a Catholic school, but the guy I was giving head to was, like, some star pupil or athlete or something. We both got in trouble, his parents yell at my parents about how I’m ‘demonizing’ their son or some bullshit, and then my parents yelled at me. Good times all around.”

Locus didn’t seem to enjoy that story. What a shame. He was still frowning, and Felix was sure he was going to ask about the blowjob at age sixteen - or maybe that his parents had yelled at him. Because then Felix would have to admit that they had yelled, not because he had gotten caught, but because he was performing oral sex on a boy.

And that would be incredibly awkward. Change the whole mood of the day to be even more shitty, if that was possible.

But what Locus said was, “You went to a Catholic school?”

“Yeah, started in sixth grade.” Another boring story full of bullshit. Felix reached up and slapped a hand on Locus’s shoulder before the guy could speak again. “But that’s about me, and we’re supposed to talk about you.” He paused, dropped his hand from Locus, and tried to think of something else to ask. Anything at all. He could pry about Locus’s school life, but that just sounded boring.

Then he realized that there was some very basic information he didn’t know yet. “Ah! Got it. How old are you?”

The look he got at that was judgmental as hell. “You don’t know?”

Felix gave a half-hearted shrug. “I know you’re over twenty-one. Like… twenty-two at least.”

Locus’s face softened into one of those small smiles. “I’m twenty-four.”

“Oh.” A pause. “When’s your birthday?”

“January third.”

Recent then. A second later, realization hit and Felix let out a low noise. He rubbed the back of his neck as he spoke. “Heh… I missed that then.”

Locus nodded. “You did. But it’s alright.” He took Felix’s hand from his neck, weaving their fingers together long enough to squeeze tightly before letting go. “And yours?”

“June eighteenth.” Before Locus could say anything else, Felix fired off another question. “What are you?” A blank look from Locus so Felix added: “Y’know, like… race wise.”

And the blank look was gone, but so was the smile from earlier. Just stony faced, annoyed Locus. “Really, Felix?”

“What? I’m curious.”

“You can’t just ask like that.”

“Why the fuck not?”

Instead of answering, Locus quieted. He stared at Felix for a short while, then said, “Tell me, Felix. Where are you from? Originally.”

Felix blinked. “Uh. What?”

“What country are you from?” Locus asked. “China or Japan?”

He’d heard that countless times, but wow. “What the fuck, Locus.”

“Are you as exotic as you seem?’

“Dude - !”

“No answers?” Locus scoffed. “And I thought Asians were supposed to be smart.”

“Hey!” Now Felix was scowling and Locus was still staring at him with that stone-faced demeanor. “I get it. Jesus Christ, shut the fuck up.” There had to be a better way to get the point across that to ask such questions. It was almost word for word the type of shit Felix had heard for his entire life.

After a few seconds, Locus said, “My father is a member of the Cherokee tribe. My mother is Puerto Rican.”

Felix nodded. That was good information, he supposed - worth it to know how Locus was so damned gorgeous. Hell, maybe his parents were too, wouldn’t be the first time Felix ended up knowing someone with hot parents. Still, shit felt a little fucking sour, and he based that purely on Locus’s questions. He was picking at the edge of his shirt when he said, “I’m from South Korea, by the way.”

Once again, Locus took his hand, holding onto it this time. “Are you really?” he said.

“Yeah. Born somewhere near Busan, I think it was.” Felix glanced at their hands, then up to Locus’s face. “My parents were part of some program to adopt a kid from Korea, and they got me. Left when I was three. I remember jackshit about the place.” There were some very old, vague things that didn’t really feel like memories - some woman who smiled a lot, a grass yard. Little flashes like that. But those, like Locus’s questions, were going to be buried away and Felix would forget it again.

“When you said you were adopted, I assume it was within the United States,” Locus said.

“Yeah, well. Surprise.” He looked away from Locus, at his TV, and then pulled his hand away. That stupid awful movie was still paused and he took the time to shut the whole system off - console, TV, all of it. Briefly, he considered telling Locus what the tattoo on his shoulder actually was, but that was probably better later. If this whole relationship thing worked out.

For now. A change of subject was in order. “New question,” Felix started, “when was the first time you had sex?”

If the sudden change was a surprise, Locus hid it well. He answered relatively quickly, only a small hesitation beforehand. “Nineteen.”

Felix looked back at him as the TV went black. “What, seriously?”

“Is it really that much of a surprise?”

Considering that most people probably did not harbor aims to lose their virginity before high school, not really. Felix merely shrugged. “I suppose not.” And then Locus repeated the question back at him, and Felix snorted. “Vaginal or anal.”

Another slight hesitation. “Both,” Locus sighed.

“Fifteen,” Felix said. “For both. Fucked the girl first and it was, uh. Stupid. We were dumb and unprepared, so that was a great start to my sex life.” He realized that Locus never actually asked for the details, and that Locus never gave any himself, but really. Felix wasn’t about to skip out on the whole story. “The guy, though, he fucked me shortly before I started high school and that was a completely different level of terrible. Mostly ‘cause he had a big dick and I was stupid and told him I’d totally done this before.”

Locus actually laughed at that - quiet, hardly noticeable. Felix flashed him a smile and promptly smacked him in the head. “Don’t hit me,” Locus said.

“Don’t laugh.” It was funny now, but Felix distinctly remembered how much it hurt and how the guy involved had gotten so annoyed with him. “It was a mess, alright?”

“I believe you.”

“And you won’t get me to believe your first time wasn’t a disaster either.”

“My boyfriend at the time treated me quite nicely, actually.” He said it casually, and raised his eyebrows when Felix grinned. “...What?”

“You had a boyfriend,” Felix said. “First boyfriend, then?”

“Yes.”

Felix snorted laughter - for some reason, this was funny. Big awkward Locus forming close bonds with someone. Big awkward beautiful Locus having to wait until age nineteen to date and bone someone. Christ, that was adorable. “Was he your first relationship too?”

Locus shook his head. “No.” He didn’t continue at first, but when all he was met with was Felix waiting expectantly, he sighed. “In high school, I was pressured into dating a girl. As you can imagine, it did not end well.”

It took a bit more prodding from Felix to get the whole story, but it seemed to boil down to several things: first, teenage Locus was not as heavily interested in girls or sex as his small circle of friends; second, said friends began to tease him about being gay; third, teenage Locus denied this and was somehow bullied into asking a girl out. “She was very nice,” Locus said, “and very pretty.”

Which Felix took to mean that Locus was extremely awkward.

“I had an anxiety attack after asking her out,” he said.

Yep. Extremely awkward. Felix patted him on the shoulder. “How’d it end, then?”

“We dated for a few months,” Locus continued. “She wanted to have sex. I didn’t. One night, she asked me to help her study and left me alone for a few minutes. When she came back, she was in lingerie.” This girl, whoever she had been, was the type who thought she could take what she wanted. Locus said she had climbed into his lap and, despite how noticeably uncomfortable he was, she started to kiss him. “She tried to force it, and when I didn’t respond, she demanded why. I didn’t have an answer to satisfy her, and she decided on her own that I was using her as a front to pretend I wasn’t gay.”

“What a fucking bitch.” His hand was still on Locus’s shoulder and Felix squeezed, leaning closer. “There’s this thing with boundaries and respect that people seem to forget a lot.”

Locus made a quiet noise. “It was years ago, Felix. It doesn’t really bother me all that much anymore.”

“That’s still a dick move.” He was trying to be nice, and here Locus was. Shitting on it. “Your high school girlfriend - and I’m using that term lightly - yeah, she was a fuckin’ jackass. If she had actually wanted anything other than your dick, she’d have respected you enough to talk first.”

Locus was giving him an amused look, but there was this hint of affection in his eyes that made Felix draw away again. He had a second of sitting up straight before Locus’s hand was on the back of his neck, and then he was staring right into those damn stupid pretty eyes. “You’re adorable,” Locus said bluntly.

Felix frowned.

“You being nice is cute,” Locus added.

Felix responded by leaning forward and kissing him. He pulled away seconds later, shoving Locus back. “Don’t call me cute.”

Locus said, “Aren’t you going to tell me about your first relationship?” He paused, then clarified: “Whatever you counted as a relationship, at least.”

Damn if Locus didn’t take hints clearly. Subject dropped, on to the next. “I dunno. Had a few girls I called my girlfriend but it was never actually that serious, so I don’t count it.” He gestured vaguely in the air, and said, “I guess that guy, the one that fucked me before high school? He was my first serious sexual relationship. That’s something.”

Just as Felix had done, Locus didn’t say anything. He simply waited for Felix to continue, and sat there, listening as Felix detailed the stupid decision he’d made at fifteen. He told Locus how he had agreed to fuck this guy on a regular basis, how it was always him getting fucked, and how the guy liked to fuck him from behind. “I don’t think he wanted to see my dick,” Felix said. “Like seeing it would remind him I wasn’t a girl or something like that. Dude was deep in denial, alright. Even when he was deep in my ass, he was still denying how into cock he was.”

He even told Locus how this guy had convinced him their sexual relationship had to be kept a secret, and how Felix had agreed. At the time, he’d thought it was kind of cool to having a secret relationship. Add in the fact that his partner was the school football star, and Felix was head over heels in that way only he got. “He never showed affection,” Felix said. He wanted that to be clear. “In the year that we kept this up, never happened. So that crush I always get? Yeah, it didn’t really… fade.”

Basically, Felix acted like this asshole jock was worth all the trouble and more. He’d suck the guy’s cock behind the school and get taken to the guy’s house for quick, dirty sex. He told Locus that this guy was actually the first person to hand Felix a dress and tell him to wear it - which was nice, probably the best thing that came out of the whole mess.

Well. That and Felix’s excellent blowjobs. He absolutely refined those while fucking that guy.

“Not what I expected,” Locus said when he finished, “but not surprising.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“That you as a teenager thought a secret sexual relationship was a good idea.” Locus was smiling again, eyes boring into Felix. Seemed to be habit of his, staring in a way that made it feel like he was seeing straight through to Felix’s soul.

Should have been unnerving. “I still think a secret sexual relationship would be fun,” Felix said. “Only thing now is that whoever I’m fuckin’ better treat me with a lot more respect.”

Locus made another small, quiet noise. One that Felix knew was a sign of agreement. His hair was falling loose again, and Felix had the all-too-familiar urge to just pull all of it down and mess it up. “Have you calmed down?” Locus asked suddenly. “You seem more relaxed, but I didn’t want to assume.”

“For now, sure.” If wanting to tangle his fingers into Locus’s hair counted as relaxed, absolutely. “Why’re you asking?”

“I have a few things I’d like to ask you,” Locus said. “Things that you avoided answering before. I want to understand why you do these things.”

Oh, joy. This would be fun. “Like what.”

There was a silence while Locus thought. Felix shifted around on the bed, reaching for the piercing in his nose with one hand. He needed to buy a new one, a better ring than what he had. He started considering how much money he could spent on jewelry, but that thought process was shattered by Locus speaking again. “You said before that killing was” -a slight pause- “therapeutic, I believe you said.” His voice had dropped, and Felix scooted closer to hear him better. Close enough that if he wanted to, he could kiss Locus again. “Is it really the only thing that calms you?”

Felix did reach for Locus then, but only to toy with the end of the jacket he wore. When Felix spoke, his voice was low to match Locus’s. “Whenever I kill, it’s because I have too much stress in my life. I can’t concentrate, can’t focus on anything but whatever’s bothering me. Like, this mess with you? If it wasn’t my murder that had led to it, I would have killed someone by now, easy.”

“There must be other alternatives.”

“Trust me, nothing works.” He’d had a whole life of attempts to drown his frustrations in drugs, alcohol, even vandalism. Nothing else quite hit the spot like killing someone. “When I’m this stressed out, there isn’t much I can do without making it worse. I can, y’know… do shit to put it off. Drinking, weed, sex. That sort of thing. But it’s inevitable.” He caught Locus’s gaze and sighed. “I’m probably going to kill someone soon. And this time, you’ll be there to see it. So you can tell me after that if I seem much more relaxed to you.”

Locus laid his hand over Felix’s. “You’re relaxed now.”

“It isn’t going to last.” He paused again, biting at his lip as he thought. “To tell you the truth, I really shouldn’t do anything so soon after the last one, but I just…” Now that he was thinking about it, had turned his mind off of killing Locus and onto killing someone he didn’t know, it was so appealing. “It’ll help,” he said. “I’m sure it will.”

“Does eating them help too?”

Felix laughed at that, a quiet breath that disappeared between them. “No. That’s just… Nah, it doesn’t have anything to do with stress.” Or power, the adrenaline rush from the kills. None of that.

“Then why do it?”

“At first, I was curious. About the taste and what it was like.” And then his roommates had eaten it, and Felix had watched them feast on human flesh and it had been a thrill. “It’s just a thing I do.”

Apparently, that answer wasn’t satisfying for Locus. “Why? If there’s no point to it, then why do it at all?”

Felix sighed. He’d told the truth up until now, so… “Because watching other people eat human flesh and knowing that they have no idea what it actually is amuses me. It’s funny.”

Locus pulled his hand back and it felt like a chill took its place. He stared at Felix for a moment, then said, “You are much more disturbed than I thought.”

Felix punched him in the shoulder. “Rude,” he said with a grin. As he spoke, his hand spread out until his palm was flat against Locus’s arm. “You should save that talk for when you see me in action.”

“I’m beginning to feel like I shouldn’t have asked you to take me along.”

One of Locus’s arms was sliding around his waist and Felix’s grin only widened. He could do with more contact like this, he thought. “You didn’t want me to agree in the first place,” he said. “Be honest.”

“I didn’t,” Locus agreed. His hand was resting on Felix’s back, warm and pressing him closer. Just before Felix went to kiss him, Locus said - “When did you first kill someone? If you don’t mind me asking.”

Instantly, Felix remembered it. An alleyway at night, a man he hardly knew, and a lot of frantic screaming. He remembered hands on him - felt hands on him, pulling at his clothes - and he blinked. That was something he had forgotten, or at least nearly forgotten. “I, uh…” For the briefest second, he wondered what would happen if he told Locus the truth here as well. “About six months after I moved here. It was some guy, I didn’t know his name, but he was there and I was angry enough to lash out.”

This was the better option. The safer one that opened less doors, the one that wouldn’t bring back so many sour memories. HIs hand tightened on Locus briefly before it slid around his neck. He needed to forget about this, and he kissed Locus with a dull urgency that sparked into fire as the seconds passed.

It was heated, on the edge of desire, and Felix pulled away just long enough to shove Locus onto his back. There wouldn’t be any sex; Felix had decided on that as soon as he leaned in for that first kiss. But an intense makeout session? That was fine. More than fine.

Both of Locus’s arms were around him, fingers of one hand spread against Felix’s back under his shirt. The other was wandering down, brushing over the curve of his ass, down his thigh - and Locus’s hand flared along pathways that mirrored what had happened years before. It took two seconds for Felix to jolt up.

Just two seconds, and he still felt the memory of someone other than Locus. He glared at Locus before wrenching his gaze away and taking a deep breath.

“Felix?”

“Not tonight, alright?” He didn’t want to look at Locus, afraid of seeing concern or being forced to talk about his reaction. Instead he rubbed his hands over his face, frowning. Right now, he wanted to forget, and usually he’d go for weed but ignoring his drugdealer left him without any. In the quiet, he said, “Wanna watch a movie or something?”

Locus didn’t answer, and Felix finally looked his way to see an intense stare focused on him. “A movie would be fine,” Locus said after another couple of seconds. “Something good this time?”

“Y-Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.” Maybe something long and boring to put him to sleep. “You can pick.” He turned the TV and the console on quickly, starting Netflix before  handing the controller over to Locus. After a second, he realized Locus had no idea how to work Netflix on a game console and scooted back over to help.

As Locus was picking something out, he said, quietly, “Should I not touch you at all?” The unspoken question of what exactly set him off hung between them. Felix took too long to answer, and Locus added, “To make sure you’re comfortable, I want to know.”

“Above the waist,” Felix muttered. He pushed back to the pillows piled at the top of his bed and laid on his side, back to Locus. It gave the best view of the TV, and after a few seconds, Locus started a movie - a long science fiction film about space exploration. It had no monsters or exciting thrills, and Felix was sure he’d fall asleep. The bed sank behind him as Locus laid down, and then a warm hand was settling on his arm. He felt Locus’s legs nudge against his own and wondered how close they’d be if he turned around.

It didn’t matter much in the end. Felix was asleep within forty minutes, clinging to one of his pillows. Locus had an arm around his waist - loose enough for Felix to pull away from, but warm and comforting when Felix awoke in the middle of the night. He squirmed away to shut everything off, mildly curious about when Locus had dozed off. He put the food away, turned the lights off, and pulled his shirt and pants off, and then climbed right back into bed. This time, he pressed his back right to Locus’s chest and was rewarded with a rumbling sigh against his bare skin.

In the dark, Locus said, “You didn’t have to wake me up too.”

Felix answered by twisting around to press a kiss against Locus’s mouth. A little difficult in the dark, but worth it.


	2. the hunt has just begun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> depiction of murder, cannibalism mentions, and drug use references in this chapter
> 
> also-- WARNING for sexual assault mention.

Things were still difficult with Felix, and likely would be for a while. Locus expected that. He wasn’t surprised when Felix withdrew after the secret was out. The amount of stress he had found in Felix may have exceeded his expectations, but again - it wasn’t really a surprise. The only thing that counted as surprising was it being his idea to join Felix on one of these kills. Locus didn’t typically have those kind of outlandish and incredibly illegal ideas.

And yet, days later, he sat at his desk, staring at new textbooks and new homework assignments and could comprehend none of it. He could only think of Felix and the murders, of how strained things still were between them. They talked now at least, Felix sending him texts constantly - though without the emotes and hearts that had made his previous texts so startling. Felix requested time with Locus, dinners that only ended up with Locus cooking and Felix ranting about whatever happened to be bothering him at that time. And Felix kissed him whenever possible; he only brought up sex once, however, and that was only to say, “I’m not fuckin’ you again until I can trust you.”

The mistrust between them, that was the reason for any strain. It was why Felix couldn’t look him in the eye for too long, why he avoided serious topics with Locus, and why he always seemed so anxious when they were alone.

Felix didn’t trust him, not fully, and Locus worried over that instead of his schoolwork. The semester had just started, this was important to focus on. When Locus focused on the work, all he could think of was Felix’s nervous expression - dark, guarded eyes and a wary frown etched into his face.

Thinking about Felix was not a new distraction, but this recent trend was set to ruin his semester.  If he could stop thinking about Felix, forget about the murders for just this one night, he wouldn’t end up behind in his classes before the semester even got off the ground. Of course, that would be too simple.

Tonight, Locus was finishing up his first homework assignment - or, he was trying to finish it. As time wore on, he grew tired and once the clock ticked past eleven, he gave up and shut the book with a sigh. There was a weight behind his eyes, an ache to rest, to look away from the bright screen of his laptop and to sleep.

He sat there, closed his eyes, and was instantly greeted with Felix. A sigh eased out of him and Locus pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes as if to force the image to go away. He couldn’t spend all his time worrying over Felix and what they had together, not when five days had passed with no change.

Locus went to bed at a quarter to midnight, treated to dreams of cats small enough to fit in the palm of his hand and a glowering Felix wearing blood-stained clothes and spitting insults. The two were so drastically different from one another that at first Locus thought his own bewilderment had awoken him.

It wasn’t the dream. His phone was ringing from where he had left it on his desk. Locus was slow to move, but when he stood and took the phone in his hand, it stopped ringing.

Three missed calls. All from Felix.

It was half past one in the morning. The phone lit up again, and Locus sighed before answering it. He felt like he was going to fall asleep on his feet.

Felix’s voice was far too jarring - too quick, too frantic. He said, “Thank fuckin’ Christ. How the hell did it take so long to get you to answer the phone?”

“I was sleeping,” Locus muttered. “Is this important?”

“Yes.” There was a pause and Locus listened to something rustling close to the phone. “We’re goin’ out. Get a jacket, gloves, and good shoes. Preferably dark. Don’t make me dress you.”

That didn’t make sense. It was the early hours of the morning, why would they be going out? Locus blinked at his desk, frowning, trying to force his sleep-addled mind to understand. “What?”

“Goddamn. Look, just - Go open your fuckin’ door.”

The call cut off suddenly, leaving Locus to lower his phone and take a few seconds before leaving his room. He was trying his hardest to force himself awake, but at this moment, all he thought was that it would be nice to drag Felix into his bed and go back to sleep.

Felix was already at the door when Locus opened it, standing there and focused on pulling a pair of gloves over his hands. A bag was slung over one shoulder - the duffel bag he had used to carry the meat from before. All of his clothing, from his shoes to his gloves to the leather jacket he wore, was dark. Shades of blue, black, a dull brown in the gloves. He looked up at Locus and frowned, eyes narrowed. “Alright, asshole,” he said. “To your room, let’s go. If you fuck this up, I swear…” He trailed off into cursing, shoving past Locus and leading the way back to the bedroom.

He flicked the light on as he strode into the room, making Locus squint against the light. While he stood in the doorway, Felix was pulling open his closet and reaching inside. And talking, naturally. “Your wardrobe is boring,” Felix said offhandedly, “but at least you seem to be a fan of dark colors. Helps a lot for tonight.” He withdrew with a gray shirt and a black hoodie, tossing both on the bed before shooting Locus a quick look. “As much as I enjoy you shirtless, put some goddamn clothes on.”

Locus frowned. He had fallen asleep without a shirt on, as usual, and had been too tired to pull something on before letting Felix in. He went to the edge of the bed to pull on the shirt, and then picked up the jacket. “Felix,” he said, voice low and rough - tired. “This jacket is too small.”

“Don’t care. Put it on.”

A pair of dark pants were thrown onto the bed as well. Jeans, something Locus hadn’t worn or looked at in over half a year. When he looked back at his closet, Felix was staring at his shoes. He took the opportunity to slide his sleep pants off and pull the jeans on instead. After that, he sighed and donned the jacket. It was all too tight, the jacket clinging to his chest and arms, jeans too snug.

He had the distinct idea that Felix would approve.

When Felix rose to face him, he held out a pair of old sneakers. “You won’t mind if these get dirty, I’m assuming,” he said. While he spoke, his eyes roamed over Locus’s body. For once, he chose not to say anything. “You got gloves. Get a pair. We have to go now.”

Locus took the shoes and sat down for a moment to lace them up. He understood now why Felix was here, what was happening. It had taken far too long for it to burst past the haze of sleep, but it had clicked when he watched Felix tossing clothes out.

This was what he had agreed to: accompany Felix on his next kill. Anxiety surged around his chest at the thought and he paused, glanced at Felix to watch him pace a small circle in the carpet. Before they left, Locus would need his medication. Take one now, take the bottle with him. There was absolutely no way he could handle this otherwise - the crime, the danger, the thought of seeing Felix kill someone in front of him. It was too much already.

He said as much and Felix brushed past him. Locus watched him go, with no idea what he was doing. He was rustling through his dresser when Felix reappeared, holding a water bottle out to him, pilfered from the fridge in the kitchen. Locus took out a pair of older gloves before taking the bottle and moving to get his pills from the desk. The whole time, Felix watched him, one hand clinging tightly to the strap of the duffle bag over his shoulder. He leaned on one leg, the other tapping a relentless beat against the floor.

And then they were gone. Locus locked the door after them, having to hurry after Felix as he bolted down the stairs. He hadn’t thought about how they would leave until Felix led him past his own car and into a smaller, dark blue car. Felix had the car unlocked and was swinging the drivers’ door open before Locus could even think to ask about it.

Once they were out of the parking lot, Locus asked and Felix answered with a shrug. “Tucker’s car. I always take his car. Has enough space to dispose of the body and I can hide the duffle in the back” -that was where it sat now, tossed by Felix before he’d started the engine- “just in case some late night asshole cop pulls me over.”

Locus wondered briefly if that had ever happened or if Felix was just covering his bases. He clutched the water bottle in his hand tightly, thankful he’d brought it and the bottle of pills in his jacket pocket. He tried not to pay attention to those thoughts, nor any thoughts about what he was doing. Instead, he looked at Felix, watched as his fingers drummed on the steering wheel.

He said, “Why tonight?”

Felix didn’t answer for a while, leaving only the quiet noise of the radio to pass between them. When he spoke, the car was idling at a stoplight and his eyes never left the dark road ahead. “Spoke to Miguel,” he said, “my dealer. You met him, remember? At the library?”

Locus had a vague recollection of wanting to punch a man in the face. “Yes. I remember.”

“Yeah. Him.” Another silence fell in, stretching on as Felix drove. He was heading deeper into the city, where there was still late night traffic was on the streets and civilians walked the sidewalks in pairs or trios. Finally, he said, “Look, some shit happened the night I came home high on meth. You don’t need to know about it, but it - it was Miguel’s fault.” His hands tightened on the wheel. “He did something he shouldn’t have, I was stupid, and now he brought it all up again and it pissed me off. I don’t like hearing about things that should just be left in the past, y’know?”

That was likely not something he was meant to answer. So, he asked, “What does this have to do with …with you wanting to go out tonight?”

“Need to destress,” Felix replied instantly. His tone of voice was clear: he wasn’t going to elaborate. Almost as an afterthought, he added, “I almost forgot to get you. Was nearly out the door when I remembered.”

Yet again, Felix’s words didn’t need a response and so Locus turned his gaze out the window. Whatever had happened between Felix and this Miguel that night, it had him shaken up now. If his nerves were this bad, it seemed everything he did would be influenced, but he drove straight, never broke the speed limit, never pulled reckless moves. The only thing that spoke of his anxiety was how some part of him was always in constant movement.

Locus couldn’t stop himself from saying, “You seem oddly calm.”

Felix’s answer was a snort of laughter. “Do I? And here I thought I was shakin’ from nerves.” He glanced at Locus with a smile that should have been reassuring and only looked cold. “I’ve done this before, Locs. You know that. Of course I’m calm. If I wasn’t, I’d end up in jail.” He said it casually, a fact tossed up between them. As if it wasn’t something he feared. “Don’t worry. You’re here to observe. This is just part of it.” He took one hand off the wheel to gesture at himself. “Pre-hunt jitters, adrenaline, whatever. Something like that. Point is, I’m good. I’ve got this.”

Even with his assurance, Locus could only frown. There was this thought, nagging and biting at his mind, that this wouldn’t be as simple as Felix said. That his nerves, that the murder or Locus’s presence or something would mess him up and that would be it. Felix would be caught, Locus would be his accomplice, and both of them would be locked away - probably in separate prisons, far from one another.

He didn’t want to voice any of those thoughts, choosing to simply stare ahead of them. More cars lined the road now, several buildings still had lights on - bars, Locus assumed. Bars and, eventually, clubs full of partygoers and people seeking a good night out. One of those was going to be snatched out by Felix, dragged somewhere to die a painful death at the hands of a serial killer, and Locus was just going to stand there. And watch.

Try as he might, Locus couldn’t stop himself from thinking of it. He glanced at Felix, then at the road, and thought of how all the dark clothing must be to hide the blood. And then he was thinking about how much blood would there be. How violent was Felix with the kills? How long did his victims suffer while he helped himself to their flesh?

Locus thought about Felix’s knives, the set of them that he hadn’t been allowed to touch. The knives that were likely sitting in the backseat. He pictured Felix wielding one with the intent to murder, and took a sharp intake of breath.

Felix heard it. “Dude, chill,” he said. His voice broke Locus’s spiral of troubling thoughts and he jerked in his seat. When he looked at Felix, he was met with a frown - an almost concerned look. “Are you alright?” Felix asked. “You can’t be freakin’ out during this, okay?”

“I’m fine,” Locus said. He was most certainly not fine but he spent most every day dealing with his anxiety. It wasn’t that big of a deal.

“I’m serious,” Felix said. “Like, you cannot lose your shit during this. I know you brought those pills with you, so - I mean - You can take more than one, right? Without ODing in the middle of the night?”

“I don’t think two Xanax will kill me,” Locus said dryly. He was paying attention to Felix’s voice more than the words, to the edge of concern in it. An element that drew him in, something that he could focus on more than his own thoughts.

For once, he didn’t mind that Felix kept talking.

“Well, good. You can take another if shit gets too bad for you, yeah?” He reached one hand out and gripped Locus’s shoulder. Maybe it was meant to be comforting but he held on too tightly. “ ‘Cause I can’t stop in the middle of tonight to help you through your anxiety issues - it’s an attack, right?”

“Yes.”

“I can’t help with that. Not tonight, at least. There’s just - there’s so much I have to keep track of, y’know?”

“I can imagine.”

“It’s a hassle. But the point!” He finally let go of Locus, pulling the car around a corner onto a dark side street. He drove through it as he talked - “If I have my hands in someone’s guts and you start to panic, I can’t exactly offer much. What am I gonna do? Put my bloody hands on your face? Probably make it worse.” The next street had far less traffic, and Felix pulled the car to a stop beside an alleyway entrance. He left the car still talking, and Locus reached for his own door. He left the water and his pills behind, trusting that he could control any anxiety that’d crop up.

The streetlight nearby was flickering, casting odd shadows over the car with every moment of bright light. Felix had pulled his duffle out, holding it on his shoulder. He didn’t seem to mind the cold air, the chill that pierced through Locus’s face. The building Felix had parked beside was empty, windows dark. Packed snow covered the sidewalks and stuck to the road in patches between tire tracks. Felix waved for Locus to follow him, heading into the alleyway. More snow crunched under their feet, the same densely packed mess as on the sidewalk.

When he spoke again, his voice was calmer and quieter than it had been in the car. “Club is at the other end. Typically someone’ll exit out back for a smoke or a quickie, either one is fine. If it’s a smoke, leave them to me and I’ll deal with it.” He stepped around a discarded crate, old garbage spilling over it and over the alley’s concrete ground. “If it’s a couple for a quickie, well… Ignore them. I don’t want to cut up flesh that some dude just came on.”

Locus didn’t respond. He followed Felix a step behind, willing himself to stay calm and collected. At the opposite end of the alleyway, light was shed from a bright streetlight as well a dimmer light installed over a door. The back door to the club, no doubt. Felix stopped near a dumpster, dropping his bag to the ground and leaning against the wall. He wasn’t talking anymore, and had managed to look entirely casual.

After a moment, Locus said, “Is this it?”

“For now.” Felix hadn’t moved. He was watching Locus standing in the center of the alleyway, and after a few seconds, he sighed. “Locus. You gotta calm down. You’re gonna attract attention, and we don’t want that.”

The reality of this was becoming clearer with each passing second. Any doubts Locus still held about Armonia’s serial killer being Felix vanished with every word the other spoke. Right now, Felix radiated confidence and self-assurance; it wove through his words and framed every movement of his body and poured from his eyes, so dark the iris appeared black. Even when he rolled his eyes and stepped forward, it was with a no-nonsense air. Felix took Locus by the arm and tugged him back to the wall. He took up the same position he was in before and Locus leaned next to him.

In direct contrast to Felix’s smooth confidence, Locus was tense and his nerves were on fire just waiting for something to go wrong. As they stood there in silence, the bricks of the wall dug into Locus’s back and shoulders. He shifted in an attempt to make the feeling less obtrusive, and then Felix’s hand closed around his wrist. His grip was tight, reassuring. “Seriously, calm down,” Felix said quietly. His thumb had pushed under the sleeve of Locus’s jacket, rubbing at his bare skin. “We can’t attract attention from anyone.”

Locus knew he shouldn’t ask, but - “And I suppose you have your reasons?”

“I do.” He edged closer, so that their shoulders touched, and dropped his voice. “If we draw too much attention, there is always a chance that someone will report it to the police. Which is the last thing I ever want.” His grip was tighter, the motion on Locus’s wrist halting. “So, look. Just… breathe, alright?”

“Felix, I’m fine.”

“Breathe.”

He said like an order and Locus fixed him with a heavy stare that Felix returned with fierceness. To appease him, Locus listened. He resisted the urge to roll his eyes, took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. He let his eyes wander over the alley before his gaze settled on faded graffiti opposite them. In the dark, it was impossible to tell what it was supposed to be, but Locus studied the flow of the lines regardless. A way to calm himself, if nothing else.

Beside him, Felix was humming quietly to himself. It was off-key, yet still somehow a calming background noise. The grip on Locus’s wrist was looser, Felix’s fingers pressing into his skin. It was almost pleasant to stand here.

After roughly a minute, Felix spoke again. “Man, usually I bring smokes, y’know?”

Locus frowned. “You smoke?”

“No,” Felix said. He wasn’t looking at Locus, but gazing off at the door. “Having a lit cigarette is a good excuse for being outside. Can’t smoke in this club, so…” He trailed off with a shrug. “People don’t ask questions when you’re out here smoking. But us lurking in the shadows? Yeah, that’ll raise a few questions.”

There had to be other things for Felix to use as a distraction. “What happened to your cigarettes then?” Locus asked.

“Ran out.” He finally looked back at Locus, a wry smile cut across his face. “I never buy them. Usually bum some off of one of Tucker’s friends, but that particular asshole hasn’t been at the apartment lately. So - no guy, no smokes, no easy distraction.”

He tried to think of something to say and couldn’t form the proper words. A breeze was drifting through the alleyway, chilling him even further, and Locus watched as Felix pulled his arm away just to wrap both arms around himself.

A part of Locus’s mind was whispering that there was another reason people would be here. A reason Felix himself had mentioned.

The silence wore on for a little while longer, until the door to the club began to open. Then Felix jolted, standing up straight, his head snapping from the door to Locus and back again. A couple was fumbling out the door, hands all over one another - and Locus took one look at them and gave into that damned whisper. He took Felix by the collar of his leather jacket and slammed him against the wall. Felix grunted; he turned back to Locus, and as soon as his mouth opened to say something, Locus was kissing him.

Felix made a muffled noise against his lips, but a second later he was melting into it. His arms locked around Locus’s neck and he took charge of it, drew fire into it, forced his tongue into Locus’s mouth. Locus let his hands wander to Felix’s hips, lifting him easily off the ground - and then Felix hooked a leg around Locus’s waist.

When they parted for air, Locus was distantly aware that the couple was gone again, likely having left for somewhere else since the alley was seemingly taken. There was a fire in Felix’s eyes, a bristling flurry of passion that captured his attention. Felix said, “You have got to warn me when you do that,” and it was nearly a whisper.

Locus only had to tilt his head as a response.

“Do you know how much adrenaline I’m riding on right now?” Felix continued. His hands wove through Locus’s hair now, tugging lightly. “You kiss me like that and I want to take you right here.”

Locus wasn’t sure how to respond to that. So he did the only thing he could thing of, and leaned in to kiss Felix once more. There were definitely more important things to be doing, other things to focus on, but Locus gave his full attention to the taste of Felix on his tongue, the feeling of Felix’s body pressed against his - it drew forth memories of Felix’s writhing beneath him. Locus growled.

But then Felix was pushing at him lightly. He dropped to his feet when Locus released him, hands running down Locus’s chest. “This is fuckin’ amazin’,” he said, voice hoarse, “and I love that growling of yours - but, seriously, I am going to jump you if you don’t knock it off.” His eyes trailed down Locus’s body as he spoke. “Especially in this outfit. You know those pants make your ass look great, don’t you?”

Locus kept Felix against the wall still, hands to either side of the smaller person to keep him there. He said, “I figured you’d enjoy it,” and Felix laughed.

Felix pushed at him again until Locus took a couple of steps back. He knelt by the duffle bag and unzipped it. The contents of it were darker than the night sky and Locus could see none of it. Felix shoved his hands in without pause. “You’re a good distraction,” he said, “I’ll give you that.” Then he was standing again, a case in his hands that Locus had seen on his desk before. “Before I forget what we’re here to do, I’m going to show you these, alright?”

His knives.

Locus nodded. He took a step closer to Felix, eyes flicking over Felix’s face - over his flushed cheeks and the freckles to his swollen lips - until the noise of the case opening drew his attention. The knives inside were all silver and gleaming, orange stripes painted down the middle of them. Two looked like the sort of knives Locus would expect - two or three inches long, serrated edges. Another pair were larger, with different curves and deadly sharp points. A trio of knives sat below the others. All of them were packed into a visibly sturdy material, into holes that been molded to their exact shapes.

Felix pointed to the serrated ones first. “Those are my stabbin’ knives,” he said casually. “You’re never going to touch those, so you don’t need to worry.” Then the smaller ones. “Throwing knives. Also not your problem. The other two” -he pointed to each in turn, drawing his finger over the gleaming blade of one- “this first one here is for cutting the meat off. The other is for flaying the skin off the chunks I take. Remember which one is used for which, because when I say to, I want you to hand them to me. Got it?”

“Yes.” Locus looked over the two knives in question, sure he would get the right ones and still thinking that he wouldn’t. As he watched, Felix pulled the two serrated blades out. He shoved them both into his belt, one at his hip and the other at his back. “Is that safe?” Locus asked him.

“Never had a problem before.” Felix shut the case then, the click loud in the empty alley, and placed it on top of the duffle again. The edge of a knife peeked out from under his jacket hem, and Locus stared at it and assured himself that it wouldn’t find its way into Felix’s skin. “Just, yknow…” Felix stood and turned back to face him. “Don’t shove me into the wall if you kiss me again.”

Locus was sure that wouldn’t be an issue. He hadn’t planned on slamming Felix against the wall before, and he certainly didn’t plan on kissing him again.

But when the door creaked open another time, he found himself pinning Felix back - carefully, wary of the blade at Felix’s back. It was a solitary man this time, one who cast a glance at the pair of them before the flame of a lighter lit up his face. Locus ignored the stranger, busy with holding Felix up and kissing him as deeply as possible. Felix moaned against his lips, pulling back just to angle his head back. Instantly, Locus turned his attention to Felix’s neck, kissing over the edge of his jaw before biting just below his ear.

Felix’s response was a low, guttural, “Oh, _fuck_ …” His hands tightened where he held onto Locus’s jacket.

And then he was pushing Locus away again, insistent on giving him space. Locus released him, only noticing that Felix wasn’t even looking at him when the other was running a hand through his hair. Felix’s eyes were glued on the other man, the stranger loitering at the edge of the alleyway. The man held his phone in his free hand now, Locus saw. His attention was focused on the screen.

Felix leaned up and kissed Locus lightly, patting his cheek with one gloved hand. “Stay here,” he whispered. “I’mma bring him over here, alright?”

Locus nodded, and then Felix was gone, sauntering over to where the man stood. Despite the distance, Felix’s voice was clear. The other man’s was harder to hear, but the conversation didn’t matter.

After Felix’s simple greeting of ‘hey’, and the man’s reply of ‘what?’, it was obvious that Felix was flirting. It was heavy handed, no tact or subtlety. Though some of what he said was whispered, Locus watched him lay a hand on the man’s arm - and noted with a sharp pang of anger that the man didn’t pull away. He heard Felix say, “I can give you a good time, y’know. Or you can fuck me, whichever you like.”  

He knew Felix was lying, but it was burning in his gut.

The man said, “Don’t you already have someone?”

“He won’t mind,” Felix answered. “He likes to watch, actually, so… if you fuck me here…” His voice trailed off into more whispers as he moved closer, and Locus tracked the man’s hand as he dropped his cigarette and laid a hand on Felix’s waist.

It certainly wasn’t the first time Locus was this jealous over Felix, but it was without a doubt the most absurd. What he was watching was a lie. He was out here to help Felix murder someone. He had, moments ago, been the person drawing pleasure out of Felix.

And yet, he had the thought that hurting this man wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

Felix had taken the man’s hand, pulling it away from the knife at his side. He was leaning closer, close enough to kiss, and as Locus watched, Felix drew the knife from his belt smoothly. He said, “I bet you’d be a good lay,” in a low voice. Another second, and he had the knife pressed to the man’s throat. “Too bad I’m not here for that.”

At this angle, it wasn’t possible for Locus to see the man’s face, the initial reaction to the sudden threat. He heard the man’s stuttered curse, watched as he tried to step back. Felix latched onto the man’s shoulder with his free hand, pressing the knife closer. “Is this - Are you mugging me?” the man asked.

Felix snorted. “Yeah, you wish.”

“What - ?”

“Shut up. You’re gonna move closer to my friend over there,” Felix said with a nod toward Locus. “You make one more goddamn sound, and I slit your throat. Got it?” For a moment, the man didn’t move, but then he nodded once.

Felix walked backward carefully, his back to Locus, the knife still poised. He didn’t catch the fumbling of the man’s hand, or the light of his phone, but Locus did.

This man, this chosen victim of Felix, was attempting to call for help. It was the only logical conclusion Locus could see, a choice that he would have made if he were in this exact situation. He surged forward, stepping around Felix and took the man’s wrist in his hand. For the first time, Locus could see this man’s face, the fear in his eyes. He ignored it to bend the man’s wrist, forcing the hand back until it popped. The phone fell, clattering to the ground and skidding to disappear underneath the edge of the dumpster. At the pop, the man started to yelp in pain, and Felix jerked beside him.

In a flash, Felix had slashed his blade over the man’s throat, just as he had said he would.

It had to be because of the movies Felix had had him watch, that horrible gore-filled drivel. Locus looked over at Felix, at the blade and the blood that followed it, and thought that it should have looked different. There should have been more, it should have been faster, gushing from the wound.

It wasn’t like that at all. It was completely different, and Locus was fascinated even as he felt sick from looking.

Felix paid no mind to any of it. He had both hands on the man’s shoulders now, heedless of the blood on his hands and dropping over the cuffs of his jacket. He pulled the man forward, taking two steps back to be behind the dumpster, and then flung the man on the ground. Then, he looked up at Locus. “What was that for?” he said. “Now there’s blood on my jacket.”

Locus blinked, forced himself to focus. Felix needed him for this. He said, “The phone,” with a twitch of his hand to the dumpster. “He was trying to get help. I assumed as much, I mean.”

Felix nodded. “Huh. Alright. Thanks, then.” He paused, then kicked at the man, ordered him to turn over. The only response he got was a choked sob and a disturbing gurgle as blood caught in the slashed throat. Felix muttered another curse, leaning down and turning the man over onto his back with a grunt. Blood stained the ground, the snow. With a flourish, Felix spun the bloodied knife in his fingers before reaching forward and grasping the man’s shirt.

There was nothing Locus could now but watch. He stood to the side, transfixed, watching as Felix worked. He slit the man’s shirt down the middle first, until the chest and stomach were open to the cold. Then he took the knife he held and slammed it into the base of the man’s neck. Locus asked what the point of that was, and Felix said, “Just a place to put it for now.”

He stopped asking questions after that.

Watching Felix was sickening yet he couldn’t look away. Felix drew light cuts into the flesh with the other serrated knife, the one that hung on his belt. He traced out cuts of meat on the ribs, over the well-toned stomach, and then shoved that knife into the neck alongside its sibling. After that, he paused, pressed a hand to the man’s face, and then pulled back and slapped so hard the man’s head snapped sideways.

“Ah, look,” he said. There was an edge of delight to his voice. “The bastard died so quickly.” He turned to look at Locus and grinned - it was demented, a sharp-toothed expression that radiated glee and, somehow, arrogance. “Y’know, I always do prefer it when they stay alive longer. When they’re still breathing when I take the meat.”

Locus said nothing. Felix didn’t notice. He asked for Locus to get the knife set and then demanded the one to cut the meat off; Locus handed it to him in silence.

It had struck him just then how he had been holding onto some small thread of hope that Felix was lying. That he was not the serial killer that plagued their city. Watching him now, as he straddled the waist of a corpse and sunk a knife into what had been living flesh moments before, there was nothing else he could be.

Felix was Armonia’s serial killer.

He was dangerous. Frightening. Deadly with the knives he treasured. He moved with practiced ease now, talking to Locus over his shoulder: “Get the duffle, yeah? There’s some bags in there. One has foil and paper in it. I need that.”

Locus listened. He gave Felix what he needed and went right back to watching. A chill spilled over his spine as Felix laid out a piece of paper and then set the first slice of meat on it neatly. He took two more pieces off the dead man, perfectly shaped and cut to mimic the cuts of meat from a grocery store. The only thing that stood out was the skin still on top, and that would be gone soon.

Felix asked for his other knife and Locus handed it over. He looked away as Felix began to skin the pieces he’d taken, not wanting to watch this final part of the act. He glanced at the end of the alleyway, where the car sat, and then back to the opposite end. There was no one in sight, and the door to the club hadn’t budged. To him, it felt like hours had passed. As if they had been out there all night and the sun would rise and catch them with rays of light that would draw attention to this horrendous crime.

Nothing happened except for Felix throwing skin back onto the body. It landed with slick slapping sounds, quiet in the alley and deafening to Locus.

He thought that he should be sick. Felix was folding paper around the meat, piece by piece, and Locus couldn’t find it in him to feel much of anything. Maybe it hadn’t fully set in yet, what he had seen - what he helped make happen.

Shortly, Felix was on his feet again. He stared at his gloves, where the blood sat on his palms and his fingers in dark, wet patches. “Can you get the garbage bags out of that?” he said, nudging the duffle with one foot. “There’s two. And some tape. We’re gonna put the body in the bags, tape it up, and put it in the trunk of the car.”

Again, Locus listened. As Felix shook out one bag, Locus said, “Do you do this every time?”

Felix nodded. “Hopin’ it’ll be a bit easier with two people, but yeah.” He looked at the body, sighed, and added, “Wanna get his feet for me?”

Locus bent to pick up the man’s legs, and Felix stopped him.

“No, man. Like - put his legs in the other bag?”

He hesitated. “The blood…”

“All that stuff is old, right? What you’re wearing?”

Locus gave him a withering stare. He really did not enjoy the idea of putting his fingers anywhere near the blood pooling around the dead man’s body.

Felix huffed. His breath hung in the air. “We gotta get this done quickly, alright? Just - please do this for me.”

That much was true, so Locus took a deep breath to steady himself and reached for the second bag. It wasn’t too difficult to get the man’s feet inside the bag, nor to pull it up over the legs, but when Locus eyed the blood that dripped from a hole close to the man’s beltline, he stopped. The holes in the man’s body were horrifying and Locus tore his eyes away. He looked at Felix, fighting his own bag over the dead man’s arms, and then let go and stepped away.

“Way to not finish the job,” Felix said.

“I’m not touching the blood.” Locus wasn’t even sure if he wanted to think about how he had just handled a corpse. “I’m sure you can handle the rest.”

Felix grunted. “Get the car then? Like… back it up into the alley a bit.”

“The keys?”

“Back pocket.” He shot Locus a grin and a wink before going back to his work.

With a sigh, Locus knelt down next to him and eased his hand into Felix’s pocket. His pants were tight, and the low hum Felix made wasn’t necessary at all. He pulled the keys out and stood, and Felix said, “You can totally squeeze my ass next time,” as he walked away. The street the car was on was empty, and Locus started the vehicle and backed it into the alley a couple of feet. The nagging thought that the car wouldn’t fit was still persistent even when he shut the engine off, and Locus went ahead and swallowed another pill before he climbed out.

At the body, Felix was stretching out tape. He glanced at Locus and said, “Wanna help with this or are you afraid of a dead body?”

Locus didn’t respond. If he had, it likely would have resulted in Felix continuing his sarcastic snappy remarks until Locus barked at him to be quiet. And all of that would accomplish nothing. He knelt once again, pushing his arms under the body and lifting it off the ground. When the stood with it in his arms, Felix jumped up as well and set to wrapping tape solidly around the middle, where the bags overlapped. He chattered while he did, telling Locus how he didn’t use tape until recently and sometimes still didn’t, but for Locus’s benefit, he had picked up a roll at his work one day.

Once that was finished, Felix asked him to put the body in the trunk - “I left the keys in the ignition,” Locus said - and then he was watching Felix dropping to his hands and knees by the dumpster instead of going to the car. “What are you doing?” Locus asked. He had assumed that Felix would go to open the trunk for him.

“Can’t let anyone find the phone,” Felix answered.

He straightened up with the phone in his hand, shoving it into his pocket before jogging to the car. Locus followed at a slower pace, thinking only that this corpse was only slightly heavier than Felix. Whoever this man was, he must not have led a very active life. He cut that thought off as soon as it rose, laying the body in the trunk of the car. He was back in the passenger seat seconds later, Felix in the driver’s seat.

All in all, the murder hadn’t even taken half an hour.

Locus didn’t talk much while Felix drove. He looked at the road, at Felix - his gloves had been removed at some point and Locus wondered vaguely where they had gone - and then his attention inevitably wandered back to the body in the trunk. The corpse of a man who, before tonight, had had a life and dreams and things to look forward to.

In contrast to his quiet, Felix talked a lot - about how good it would be to go home, about what he would do with the meat. About how, if Locus wanted to, he could stay the night at Felix’s place. It was less hurried and frantic than earlier, more friendly and lighthearted. He was more relaxed now, and Locus knew why. Felix had said as much himself, that committing these crimes had this calming effect on him. Seeing it firsthand was very different than hearing it.

He drove without worry, and in ten minutes, he was heading out of the busy nightlife of the city. He told Locus about how he got rid of bodies in the winter as he took them further away from the city and into the suburbs. “There’s a park near here,” he said, “and a part of the river there has shitty ice. So I break it. Shove a body in it and leave.”

It sounded too simple, like it would fail.

And it had, Locus remembered. The last body, the one that had started this whole mess, had been found quickly. But Felix seemed so confident in it that he didn’t question it. They ended up taking a dark dirt road into a forest. Trees lined the road and they had nothing to light the way but the headlights. Felix didn’t park until the river was only a few feet away.

He maintained his assurance that the ice wasn’t that thick even as they stood by the river. Locus had the body in his arms again, frowning at having to handle it. He watched as Felix prodded the ice with one boot, shook his head, and led Locus further south along the bank. There were large houses across the river, dark except for distant streetlights. “They never notice,” Felix said casually. “We’ll be fine.”

The dark clothes probably helped with that.

Soon, Felix stopped again. He raised his foot, stomped on the edge of the ice once, then twice, and then the ice splintered and broke around his foot. He sank into the river up to his ankle. “Told you,” he said.

“You did indeed,” Locus said dryly.

Felix broke the hole in with his feet, griping about the cold water when he accidentally sank too far into the river and got his pants wet up to his knees. He had Locus lower the body in and then helped shove it under the ice. Once the head disappeared, Locus thought they would leave, but Felix turned into the overhanging trees and bushes and vanished for several seconds. He emerged with a large broken branch, and set to prodding once more under the ice.

Locus sighed. “What are you doing?” he asked.

“Making sure the body gets far enough away,” he said. “That was the problem with the last one. I didn’t bother to do this, right, and it kind of just. Clung to the bank.”

“The people who found it were in the middle of the river, weren’t they?”

“It’s ice.” Felix stood, tossing the branch back into the forest where it landed with a soft crash. “They had to be walking, and maybe they saw it pokin’ up under the ice or something. It won’t be an issue here, I promise.”

He wanted to argue that, but at the same time, he didn’t. Felix said they could go back home now, and Locus followed him back to the car gratefully. Where he was deflating quickly, Felix was still buzzing with energy and talking and talking and talking. He managed to carry on a conversation with only hums and grunts from Locus as Locus tried his hardest not to fall asleep in the car. This entire night had been exhausting; he’d been on edge since Felix had dragged him out of the apartments.

It was an immense relief to make it home, to follow Felix into his apartment and over to his room. Felix put the meat away in the freezer of his mini-fridge, then told Locus to strip. He said he’d throw Locus’s clothes in the washer with his, and while Locus slowly pulled the too-tight clothes off, Felix threw his jacket over his fridge and dropped his boots in front of it.

When he left, the door was still open and Locus stared at the darkness beyond it and thought about if Felix would want him to stay awake. He thought that maybe he should have fought to put on different clothes before he came over, something to sleep in, but in the end he was climbing into the bed in just his underwear.

Felix joined him soon enough. He was completely naked, of course, and curled up close to Locus. The room was dark again, and Locus felt Felix’s hand land on his in dark. Slowly, Felix laced his fingers between Locus’s and squeezed. He said, “You were good tonight.”

Locus blamed being tired for saying, “I was frightened for most of it.”

Felix’s laugh was soft, quiet, and beautiful. “Yeah. I could tell. But you stuck with it, and that was cool.” A pause, as his grip relaxed; he left their fingers intertwined. “I was honestly afraid I’d have to kill you too.”

He wasn’t sure what to say about that, only that it was discomforting to hear.

“I’m glad I didn’t,” Felix continued. “You, uh… you are somethin’ else, y’know? Like, I’d have never agreed to take someone with me, but then here you are and I just… I - I don’t know. You’re - you’re important, I guess.”

Locus made a small noise. His eyes were closing and he could feel sleep pulling him down. He knew what Felix was saying was important, but he was too exhausted to pay attention. “Felix,” he said quietly. “I’m tired. Can we talk in the morning?”

Another laugh. “Yeah. Of course.” Felix let go of his hand only to squirm closer to Locus moments later. Locus raised his arm a few inches, letting Felix curl up right next to him before holding onto his waist loosely. Right before he fell asleep. Felix said, “Hey, Locus?”

“Mm.”

“Don’t go to your classes tomorrow.”

Right. Locus had managed to forget about his classes. He had forgotten entirely that he had left his phone sitting on his desk in his room.

“Stay here with me,” Felix continued. “Be here tomorrow morning.”

Locus released a breath slowly, nuzzling his face against Felix’s hair. He didn’t say anything, though he thought that that was one last order he’d obey for tonight. He could stay with Felix for the next morning, if that’s what Felix wanted from him.

✹ ✹ ✹

Felix awoke way too close to the other person in his bed, but too tired to move. He had this distant memory of having asked someone to stay - Locus, it was Locus - and then he was asleep before he could think too much on it.

When he woke up again, Locus was sitting on his bed in nothing but his underwear. And Felix took a few moments just to look, to let his gaze roam over Locus’s well-built body and the absolute mess his hair was in. What a fuckin’ beauty.

A large part of his mind said that he could get used to waking up to that sight.

Felix slid over the blankets, sat up, and as Locus turned to look at him, he buried his hands into Locus’s hair and smiled. “Soft,” he murmured. “Bit messy, but… soft.”

Locus actually rolled his eyes at Felix, reaching up to pry his hands away. “You’re going to make it even more of a mess.”

He laughed as an answer, leaning against Locus. He rested his head on Locus’s shoulder, arms hanging around his neck. This was nice. This was more of what Felix expected from himself - to wake up calm, content, no longer plagued by endless paranoid thoughts. No more doubts about this gorgeous man he was busy holding onto.

Locus had helped him with a murder, and as far as Felix was concerned, that was good enough. He hadn’t run, he hadn’t expressed disgust, and he hadn’t done anything to make Felix end his life.

And, as a lovely bonus, he was still here now.

“Felix,” Locus said. He had a hand resting on Felix’s thigh. “I’d like to have some food. And clothes.”

Felix mumbled against Locus’s skin, something about how comfortable he was right now. “Food later,” he said. “Clothes much later.” He felt Locus slide a hand around his back, lowering him to the bed. Good. He was going to hold tight to Locus and they could lay in bed together until Felix decided it was time to get up.

Locus had other plans. He rolled Felix away from him before pulling his hands away. When Felix sat back up to glare at him, the blankets were twisted around his waist. Locus said, “Do you know what time it is?”

“No. Does it matter?”

“I checked your phone,” Locus said. “It’s nearly eleven thirty.”

Felix made a face. He had work soon. What bullshit. Looked like it would be clothes and food sooner rather than later. At least Felix could get dressed in his room, pulling on boxers and his work pants before leaving to throw his laundry (and Locus’s clothes) into the dryer. It’d be at least an hour before it was dry, so Felix ushered Locus into the shower, told him to take his time, and when he was clean, they could eat a late breakfast in Felix’s room.

A good, solid plan. Felix made waffles, like in an actual waffle maker where he could toss copious amounts of chocolate chips in the batter. He ate before Locus, and was playing with Locus’s still wet hair while the guy ate.

He asked, “Have you ever braided your hair?”

“Don’t braid my hair,” was the immediate response.

So, naturally, Felix proceeded to braid Locus’s hair. It wasn’t long enough to look good lying down Locus’s back - in Felix’s opinion, anyway - so he braided it to hang over one of Locus’s shoulders. It looked great, really. Locus always had such soft hair, and right now he smelled like Felix’s shampoo and somehow, that made it even better.

Totally worth how displeased Locus was about the whole thing. He kept saying it would be wavy when it dried, but Felix couldn’t see the problem there. He only smiled when Locus protested, and when Locus tried to take the braid out, Felix held his hands and kissed him.

It was such an easy morning that Felix could easily forget all the problems he’d had. He could nearly forget about killing someone last night. It wasn’t until he was dressing for work that it couldn’t be ignored any longer. He was in the middle of talking to Locus, assuring him that he could wear those tight clothes until he got home - “You live right across from me. You’ll be fine. Besides, your ass looks damn fine.” - and reached for his phone.

Only he picked up the wrong one and found himself staring at a cracked screen of a dead phone. He remembered retrieving it from under the dumpster and shoving it in his pocket, but could barely recall throwing it onto his desk.

But here he stood holding it.

He paused for a moment, not noticing Locus watching him curiously. Phones always made him nervous, especially with how there were apps to track them down. Usually, Felix would toss the phones into water or something, and he tried now to figure out what to do with it.

“Felix?”

He turned his head a fraction, glancing back at Locus. “I kept the phone,” he said with a shrug. “I didn’t mean to, but…” He shook the phone in his hand at Locus with a small smile. “Any ideas what to do with it?”

Locus’s eyes narrowed, face growing dark. Maybe he hadn’t wanted to be reminded of what they had done. He said, “You need to get rid of it.”

“Yeah, obviously.”

He grew quiet again, and Felix looked down at the phone in his hand again. After a few seconds, Locus said, “Clean your fingerprints off it. Take the battery out - “

“And the SIM card,” Felix cut in. He was already prying the phone’s battery pack open, concentration furrowing his brow. He could at least dunk that in the bathroom sink before he left. Probably let it wash down the drain.

“Get rid of the phone,” Locus continued. “Somehow, you need to get rid of it.”

“Right.”

Clean it off. Get it out of his apartment. He could do that, easily.

Felix shooed Locus out of the apartment then, promising to come over after work, and then he sunk the card from the phone into the sink just as he’d planned. When he went out to catch the bus, he stood there and held the phone in one gloved hand and rubbed at its surfaces with the sleeve of his jacket. Definitely not the best thing he could have used but it was all he had.

There was a sewer gate near the bus stop. As the bus pulled up, right as he went to board it, Felix let the phone fall from his hand and into the gutter. He spent the entire bus ride trying to force his racing heart back down.

He wasn’t going to be caught over something as stupid as a phone.

He wasn’t going to be caught at all.

✹ ✹ ✹

In two days, it was Saturday and Felix worked early. It was a double fucked shift - early and on a Saturday somehow meant more irritating dumbasses flooded the store and harassed him over things he couldn’t do shit about. By the time he made it home, all he wanted to do was eat unhealthy food and take over the living room to watch a movie. He still had a list of silly romcoms to make his way through. It was actually possible too, because Tucker was working and Wash had bailed for the weekend again - something about his boyfriend and cats, Felix hadn’t listened.

Felix changed in his room first, putting on clothes that didn’t make him want to scream, and was halfway through heating food in the oven when someone rang the doorbell.

He frowned. It hadn’t even been twenty minutes yet. He opened the door with a frown and that morphed to a glare in under a second.

Miguel stood outside the door. His drug dealer. The same guy that had had the idea for both of them to try meth. The guy that was single-handedly responsible for Felix spilling his secret. Miguel was attractive, dressed in layered clothes and torn jeans. He was, without a doubt, the last person Felix had wanted to see.

Felix said, “Go away.”

Miguel sighed. “Felix, c’mon…”

“No.”

“Look, if you’ll just listen - “

“I said go away.”

“Felix, please.”

Felix snarled a curse, going to close the door. He ended up pushing against Miguel who was fighting to keep it open. “I don’t want you here,” Felix snapped. “You gonna listen to me now? Or you gonna keep ignoring me when I say no?”

He could see the hurt on Miguel’s face and wanted to punch it off. It was annoying, mostly because Felix knew that Miguel was regretting that night. Miguel was sorry about what he’d done to Felix and that was supposed to be a good thing - but it wasn’t. He didn’t know what else had happened that night, the full details of what he was responsible for.

“I’m sorry, Felix,” Miguel said. He sounded like it. What bullshit. “You know I’m not that kind of guy. I’d never do that to you. It was - “

“The meth, yeah.”

It was the meth’s fault that Miguel forgot basic human decency. Just like it was the meth’s fault that Felix became so paranoid in the middle of sex that he couldn’t think of anything beyond his murders and the police. Felix understood that logically. He knew when he took the drug that it would affect both of them. He just hadn’t expected that Miguel of all people would forget the ground rules of sex.

“How many times do I have to apologize to you?” Miguel asked. He had let go of the door and Felix had stopped trying to close it. “You know me, Felix. I wouldn’t - I couldn’t ever do that to you, not if I was in my right mind.”

Dammit, he did not want to think about that night. He changed the subject. “Did you come here just to bother me?” he asked, shoving the door open wide.

Miguel stood up straight again, standing several inches taller than Felix. He shrugged, trying to act casual despite the pleading look in his eyes. “I have customers here. I just… thought I’d stop by to see you. Talk to you, since you’re ignoring my calls again.”

“You’re annoyingly persistent,” Felix said.

“I want you to forgive me,” Miguel said. He smiled, and it really was attractive. Stupid attractive people. Felix rolled his eyes and sighed; he was going to let that stupid smile win him over. Miguel continued, laying his hands on Felix’s shoulders and running them down his biceps. “C’mon, Felix. I’ll make it up to you, somehow. Just - if you give me one more chance, I promise you I’ll never do that to you again.”

All things he had said before. Felix said nothing, but he did let Miguel tug him forward a couple of inches.

“Would it help if I said I’m not even selling meth anymore?” Miguel asked. “Told my cousins I wasn’t going to do it, already had enough trouble with what I got now. So, that problem’s gone. Never again.”

“That should have been a given,” Felix said with a smirk. “If you want to win me back, at least.”

“Oh, I have to win you now?”

“Wasn’t that what you’re doing here?”

Miguel released him, that attractive smile of his widening. He said, “Good thing I brought you a gift then, huh?” He dug into a pocket of his jacket, coming out with a small bag that was packed with weed.

Felix snorted. “Are you serious?”

“You don’t want it?”

Felix reached for it with one hand, only for Miguel to pull it back. “Hey, asshole. If you’re trying to win my heart with drugs, give it here.” It took another joke, another attempt to snatch the bag away, but then Felix was stuffing the drugs into his pants pocket.

He could deal with Miguel again - fucking the guy was always great. If there was one thing Miguel had always gotten right, it was how well he fucked. Really, there weren’t a lot of people Felix had slept with in his life that were as good in bed as Miguel. Besides, fucking his dealer was always so useful. It helped that Miguel had a soft spot for him, one that Felix always encouraged, because that soft spot ended with Felix getting free weed and discounted party drugs.

Totally a bargain.

But if Miguel fucked up one more time - if he ever made one move toward acting like Felix’s consent wasn’t the vital part of their relationship, he was gone.

Miguel said, “So… Are we good now?”

Felix shrugged. “Possibly.” He paused, shifted on his feet, and crossed his arms over his chest. “Look, I just…” He looked at Miguel, then flicked his gaze away. “If you ever do that to me again, I might stab you.”

He’d definitely stab the man for it.

“I won’t,” Miguel said.

“I know the meth was responsible, but, Miguel - “

“I promise you. I won’t.”

Felix nodded slowly, mulling it over. The mess itself wasn’t either fault of theirs, no matter how much he wanted to pin the blame on Miguel. It had been an agreement between the two of them to take some of the meth, a recent addition to the drugs Miguel sold. It had also been an agreement to have sex that night, when both of them were riding the euphoric high, but when that agreement was gone -

When Felix had been struck with paranoia and said to stop, tried to stop it, and Miguel hadn’t -

It was a problem. Still a problem, might be a problem later, and Felix wasn’t sure if getting free weed was worth the hassle. If Miguel himself was worth navigating that kind of bullshit.

Miguel was rubbing at his arms again, trying to get him to relax. Felix told himself that Miguel regretted it - it was obvious that he did, that he had regretted it ever since the high had worn off. Maybe beforehand. All the texts and the missed calls, his attempts to see Felix and this apology face-to-face now. Goddamn, he was glad he had already vented his frustrations because otherwise, none of that would have mattered.

Finally, Felix said, “Yeah. Alright, okay.” He tried to ignore the grin lighting up Miguel’s face. “You won me back. Another chance for you, sweetheart.”

Miguel’s grin was brilliant. He shook Felix by the shoulders lightly, yanking him out the door without warning. “Thank God, Felix, you beautiful bastard!”

The fucker was laughing now, and Felix was so startled by how well Miguel took this that he laughed himself.

“I could kiss you right now,” Miguel said.

Felix offered a grin of his own. “Yeah, you could.”

Miguel squeezed his shoulders again, moving his hands to cup Felix’s face. “Thank you,” he said quietly. “I won’t fuck it up.” Before Felix could say anything to that, Miguel had kissed him. There was no build into passion, no soft press of lips against his. Just Miguel, holding his face still, kissing him fiercely. It was the type of kisses that had a history of luring Felix to fuck somewhere in public, the sort of kisses that Miguel would give seconds before stripping Felix of all his clothes.

It was fantastic. Felix let his eyes close, gripping Miguel’s belt with his hands.

He was a few seconds from inviting Miguel into the apartment when the kiss ended. They stood there, Felix with his fingers hooked into Miguel’s beltloops and Miguel caressing the side of his face with one hand.

Felix thought that Miguel had to stop touching him like that, and then Miguel was pulled away from him. Literally. He was yanked away by a hand twisted in his jacket, and Felix had a seconds time to process the surprise on Miguel’s face before the poor guy was punched so hard he stumbled back several steps. He raised his hands to his face, cursing, surprise now mixed with the lightest anger.

All Felix did was look from him to the assailant and bark out a laugh.

Locus stood beside him, glaring at Miguel with a frightening amount of anger and ferocity. It was a look that Felix had yet to see, something he had caught glimpses of, and goddamn was it hot.

Fucking Locus had just punched his drug dealer in the face.

Felix had to shake his head to focus on Miguel again, to force himself to not laugh anymore. He said, “Hey, man, how’re you doing”

Miguel’s gaze turned from Locus to Felix, eyes wide. “He just fuckin’ punched me,” he said.

Felix was aware of Locus bristling again at his side. He reached up to Locus’s shoulder and patted it once, said for him to hang on a moment, and then went to Miguel. “Yeah, sorry about that,” he said lowly. “Not sure what his deal is, really. I’ll sort it out, though.”

“Goddamn,” Miguel hissed. He took his hand away from his face for a second, looked at the blood on his hand, and let out a shaky breath. There was even more blood on his face, dripping from his nose - which didn’t look that good at all. “That fucking - It hurts. Holy shit.”

Felix said, “Dude. Is it broken?”

“I - I don’t know.”

Felix tugged his hand away from his face, then reached up and poked the bent mess of his nose. Miguel yelped another strangled curse, recoiling from Felix. He had his hand gingerly over his nose in seconds, and stared at Felix as if he’d thrown the punch.

“Yeah, that looks broken.” He paused, thought about it, and decided that he should probably do something to help the guy out. “You got someone to take you to the hospital?”

Miguel shook his head. “Nah. Maybe - my cousins? Maybe.”

Felix nodded. “Call them. I’m going to, uh…” He gestured back at Locus and gave Miguel a sheepish smile. “Gotta take care of that. Let me know when your nose isn’t bleeding?”

Miguel nodded. He still seemed to be a bit confused about what had happened and Felix resisted the urge to tell him again that his nose was broken. Instead, he waited until Miguel had a quick phone call in Spanish and then ushered him into the elevator. As soon as the elevator doors closed, Felix turned on his heels and marched to Locus. Without a word, he took Locus by the arm and dragged him through the apartment door.

As soon as the door closed, Felix smelled the food cooking. It was a pre-made lasagna, still had about an hour left to cook, but the smell was distracting him. He shoved Locus toward the living room, and then took a seat on the couch. He pulled his legs up, sitting with his back to the arm of the couch, facing Locus as he too sat down.

The first thing out of Felix’s mouth was, “Do you wanna eat? When the food is done, I mean.” He could still smell the damn thing in here and it was making his stomach growl.  

Locus frowned. “I punched that man - “

“Miguel? Yeah, don’t worry about that.” He grinned at the confusion on Locus’s face. “He totally deserved it, actually.”

“I punched him.”

“Yeah. You did.”

Locus still looked at him with that blank confused face, like he couldn’t wrap his head around what he had done and why Felix was so calm. “That man is hurt,” he said.

“Pretty sure you broke his nose.”

For a moment, Locus looked a bit shocked. Then, just as quickly, it was gone. Covered up by the usual glare - or at least that’s what Felix assumed. It was an odd look since Locus had failed at hiding his obvious confusion. “I broke his nose,” he repeated.

“Yeah.”

“Why aren’t you upset about this?”

Felix’s grin widened and he leaned his arm against the back of the couch. There was no way in hell he was telling Locus what had happened between him and Miguel. “Just trust me when I say he deserved it, alright?”

That didn’t seem to work. Locus was still staring at him, silently waiting for answers.

So, Felix said, “Look, me and Miguel aren’t really like… an actual thing. He’s my drug dealer. I fuck him, he gives me free weed.” He watched as Locus’s attempted glare became a touch more real. “Besides,” he added, “it was hot.”

“Felix.”

“What? Watching you attack someone?” He moved forward then, placing his hands on Locus’s leg. “That was totally hot.” His words didn’t seem to have the effect he wanted. Locus’s glare was fading away and he was holding Felix’s gaze with this unreadable expression that Felix hated. What the fuck was the point of trying to flirt if Locus was so weird about it?

Locus said, “Breaking someone’s nose isn’t supposed to be an attractive thing.”

Felix scooted closer to him, moving one hand to drape over Locus’s shoulders. “Why’d you do it?” he asked. “Got an issue with Miguel? Or are you just jealous that I kissed someone else?”

Locus didn’t answer that, but his eyes slid off of Felix and he made one low noise, almost like a growl.

“See,” Felix said. He trailed his fingers up Locus’s neck, leaning forward to kiss his cheek. “That’s why it’s so hot. You, all jealous and angry” -and _possessive_ \- “just because someone else got to kiss me. And the look on your face when you did it.” He had started playing with the ends of Locus’s hair as he spoke, watching as Locus turned back to him, barely two inches away. “Easily one of the hottest things I’ve ever seen.”

The way Locus was looking at him now was probably even better. He wasn’t trying to hide his emotions anymore, just gazing at Felix with a fierceness laced with anger and desire. He spoke, and his voice was low and rough and sent a shiver down Felix’s spine. “That man doesn’t deserve to touch you.”

“And who does? You?”

Locus said nothing, his eyes darting down to Felix’s lips and then over his face. Looked like he was actually considering how to answer.

Felix slid his hand into Locus’s hair, tugging at the tie that held it all up. He moved to kiss Locus’s cheek again, whispered against his skin: “Do you think you deserve me, Locs?”

The response was near immediate: “No.”

Felix laughed against Locus’s skin, sliding his lips down to Locus neck and biting lightly. He felt Locus tense, and shortly after, hands were gripping his thighs. The couch creaked as Locus moved. The hands slid up to his waist, Felix pulled back from Locus, and then they were kissing - sloppy, fervent kisses and grabbing hands. Locus growled against his mouth, biting at his lip, and Felix moaned. He gripped Locus’s jacket and pulled him closer, toppling himself onto his back and bringing Locus with him.

It was feverish, hurried. Locus spread his hands under Felix’s shirt and every touch was electric, sending heat through his veins. They melded together, Locus between his legs, Felix clinging to him to keep him close.

Locus broke the kiss just to bite underneath his ear and Felix hissed, back arching. He smelled the food still cooking and the thought of pushing Locus away for dinner was cut off by Locus biting down harder, sucking at his skin.

Felix choked on a growl, fingers digging into Locus’s arms. He said, “Think you can fuck me before dinner’s ready?”

Locus pulled back then just to look at him. “Are you sure?” he asked.

“Absolutely.” Felix looked at Locus, with his mussed hair and beautifully kiss-swollen lips, and felt his cock twitch. He thought of how Locus looked naked, all the muscles, how Felix’s pale hands looked against his brown skin. He remembered saying something before about not sleeping with Locus, but the reasons seemed so unimportant now. “I’ve jacked off to memories of your dick inside me,” he said in a rush. “I want you to fuck me. Hard.”

They went to the bedroom, since not even Felix was too fond of the possibility of his roommates stumbling in on the sight of him with a cock in his ass. It was alright though; he may have stripped on the way to his room to make up for the absence of Locus’s hands on his body. His clothes littered the hall, and then Locus’s ended up on Felix’s floor.

The sex was exactly what he’d needed. He rode Locus at first, easing into the speed that he wanted and then encouraging Locus to fuck him harder. His hands slid over Locus’s chest and buried into his blankets as Locus gripped his hips.

Locus flipped him over in the midst of it, pinning Felix on his back. His thrusts were slower, but more powerful, his hips slamming into Felix and rocking him back. Felix kept his hands on Locus, wandering over his sweaty skin despite how his cock ached; he wanted this to last, wanted it keep going and going until he felt liable to explode.

But then Locus gripped his waist, pulled his hips off the bed, and hit him at a deeper angle. He picked up the speed from before as Felix’s entire body thrummed, back arching as a desperate keening noise worked out of his throat. He could have screamed from it all but the sound never made it out. Locus attached his mouth to his neck, sucking and biting and making Felix shake. He gripped himself and stroked as Locus continued to mark the base of his neck, trying to time his own strokes to Locus’s steady punishing thrusts.

Felix came with a cry that was closer to a scream, and Locus kept fucking him through the aftershocks. When Locus pulled out of him, Felix whimpered. He dragged his eyes down down Locus’s body, watched Locus rip the condom off his cock and stroke himself. Felix lay there, breathing harshly and listened to Locus’s own ragged growls.

Afterward, while he laid on the bed and tried to gauge when he’d be up to walking again, Felix thought that sex like that had to happen more often. Maybe not after Locus had just broken someone’s nose for kissing him, but that kind of sex was exhausting in the best way possible. He was sure he’d have bruises on his hips from how Locus’s fingers had dug into his skin, and that was amazing. Fantastic.

Locus was redressing slowly.

Felix watched him, seeing the movement of muscles in his arms and back. He said, “I can’t feel my legs.”

Locus huffed a laugh.


	3. no grave can hold my body down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> major warning for a (mild) discussion of attempted rape and mentions of assault. i promise it isn't explicit. tread lightly.
> 
> almost forgot: nothing felix has been through excuses the fact that he's a killer and a piece of shit. enjoy reading. :)

Later that day, after dinner had been eaten and Felix had found the ability to walk again, he was looking at the marks Locus had left on his skin. The mirror hung on the closet door and Felix had caught sight of himself as he was pulling his pants back on. The bruises were blooming - massive, mottled hickies spreading over the last inch of his neck and over his collarbone. There was a red bite mark at the base of his neck, another further down, almost on his chest.

Felix snorted, turning his head and angling his neck. At least the ones on his neck were only on a portion of it. “Hey, Locs,” he mused, “do you think you made these obvious enough?”

Locus was by the bed, looking at his phone. He glanced up as Felix spoke, and Felix watched him force his face impassive in the mirror. “I have no idea what you mean,” he said.

“Oh, really?” He reached up and laid a finger on one of the bruises on his neck. “So these aren’t here because you’re a jealous asshole?” Not that Felix minded. Sure, the marks would be a bitch to cover up when he had to go to work - or anywhere, really - but he liked looking like someone had ravaged him, had laid siege to his body as a perverse way to claim him.

And it was from Locus.

Felix turned from the mirror to shoot Locus a grin. “It’s alright,” he said. “But next time I get to leave a mark on you instead.”

The only thing better than bruises on his skin would be the same look on Locus. In fact, Felix was damn sure that would be a fantastic way to spend the rest of the evening. Sit with Locus on the couch - or his bed, if Locus preferred to stay in here - and repay the favor. And maybe he’d get lucky and Locus would enjoy it, then Felix could split his time between marking Locus and heated kisses.

Except Locus was already dressed, pulling on his jacket as Felix watched. He said, “Perhaps another time.”

Felix’s grin fell in an instant. “Ah, shit. You’re leaving?”

“I’m afraid so.” Locus crossed the distance between them in seconds. His gaze drifted from Felix’s eyes to his neck and then he was tracing a finger over the larger of the two bite marks. The touch was light, growing bolder as Locus slid his hand up Felix’s neck. “I didn’t leave my apartment today planning to spend the day with you,” he said. His fingers slid through the edge of Felix’s hair. “You took the entire hour I had set aside for the gym, and another as well.”

Felix rolled his eyes. “Has not been two hours.” He held Locus’s gaze, staring into the man’s eyes and trying not to focus on the idea of Locus at a gym. Sweaty, tight clothes, muscles taut and working - yeah, he could do with seeing that. “Besides, when have you turned down a night with me?”

“When I have important work to finish,” Locus said. Both his hands were on Felix’s face then, angling his head up. He leaned down, kissed Felix lightly, and stepped away. “I have an assignment due tomorrow. I was hoping the gym would have cleared my mind, but instead - “

“You had some great sex. A pity, I’m sure.”

Locus huffed something that might have been a laugh. Felix smiled and gripped the collar of his jacket, pulling him down for another, better kiss. When they parted, Locus held his gaze for a moment and, for whatever reason, the look in his eyes was heavy. Nothing like the intensity he displayed during sex. It was the soft-edged mesmerized gaze of someone in love.

In a split second, Felix felt his heart clench, something growing cold in his veins. He had seen that look before, from Miguel when the fool thought he wasn’t being watched. It was strange to see it from someone else.

He could handle someone liking him, and he knew he could deal with Locus knowing these huge parts of him. Love was different. Messy, stupid, reckless, and different.

But it hadn’t been that long since he had met Locus.  It couldn’t be enough time for someone to love him.

He pushed the thought to the back of his mind and smiled, took Locus by the hand. “C’mon,” he said, “I’ll see you out.” As he pulled Locus toward the bedroom door, he spoke without thinking. “Comin’ over again tomorrow?”

The response was slow, delayed almost. Locus didn’t answer until Felix was leading him down the hall. “I could,” he said quietly. “Maybe around five? We could get dinner.”

“Five is good.” Felix didn’t work tomorrow. Anytime was good, but five was great. That late in the day, he wouldn’t have to rush to get ready.  He stopped at the edge of the hall and paused; in the kitchen stood Wash and his massive boyfriend. “Mind if I ask what you’re doing on a Sunday that will take up half the day?”

Locus heaved a sigh. “I’ll be up late finishing my work for school,” he said. “And I’d like to go to the gym. There are errands I need to do, Grey wants me to test her new vegetarian recipes - “

“Ugh. Boring.”

“You asked.”

Felix let go of Locus’s hand just to smack him in the face. Lightly, of course. “Don’t get sarcastic. It’s weird from you.”

Locus ignored that. He swatted the hand from his face, turning the subject back to the plans they were making. “We could have dinner,” he said. “Tomorrow night.”

“Only if we go out.”

“I’m assuming you’ll pick the place?”

“Naturally.” Felix was ignoring how easy it was to set up a date with Locus - or he was trying to. But it was the simple fact that this was it. This was a date, Locus was… something. Someone important enough to make plans with, to actually plan on being there.

This was weird uncharted territory.

Once Locus agreed to it all, said he’d pick up Felix tomorrow evening, Felix leaned up and gave him another kiss. He stayed close after they parted, saying, “If you get done with all your shit early, feel free to drop by. Just let me know, yeah? So I can at least have pants on.”

Locus was smiling again. “I might be able to be over earlier.” he said. “We’ll see.”

And then Felix was leading him across the living room, several steps ahead. At the edge of the kitchen, he paused, glancing at Wash and Maine. The two of them had settled at the table, plates of food before them - the lasagna Felix had made earlier, steaming from a recent reheating. He frowned. Locus stood beside him, quiet, and he knew without looking that the jackass was focusing on Wash again, just like always.

Right after they had set up a date, too. That was just fucking rude.

Felix scoffed, leaning his weight against Locus and making the man grunt. He said, loudly, “Why are you eating my food?”

Wash didn’t even look up. “Hungry. Had this crazy idea that eating would fix it.”

Maine made a low noise from his seat. Whether that was his answer to the question or a reaction to Wash, Felix didn’t know. And didn’t particularly care.

“And you couldn’t make your own?”

“Nope.” He looked up then, at Felix, at Maine, then back again. And then he sighed as if the world were settling on his shoulders. “Nice, Felix. Can’t you even put a shirt on before you come out here? I’d rather not have to look at what your boyfriend there left on you.”

Felix blanched. “I - He - Locus isn’t my boyfriend!”

That was convincing.

At the table, Maine had looked over at them. He barely even looked at Felix before he set to glaring above Felix, at Locus.

Wash snorted and said, “Really? Whatever time you don’t spend with him, you mope. I figured you were being pathetically lovesick.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Felix repeated. At least his words were steady, even if he was standing there and thinking that Locus was his _something_. They went on dates. They just arranged a date. This was a relationship. “Locs!” He turned to Locus and slapped a hand on his arm. “Back me up.”

Instead of listening, Locus said, “If I’m not your boyfriend, what am I?”

Felix didn’t even wait to see what Wash’s reaction to that would be. He regretted ever opening his mouth and speaking to Wash, because of course this was how it would go. He pushed Locus to the door and then out it, stepping out after him. The door swung shut behind them, resting against the doorframe.

Outside, it was freezing. Felix ignored it to glare at Locus as best he could; he was well aware that what he was feeling was more akin to panic than anger. Made glaring a bit difficult. Locus stood there, looking at him with so much patience that it made Felix’s blood boil.

“You aren’t my boyfriend,” Felix said.

Locus nodded once.

“I don’t have boyfriends.”

Another nod.

After that, Felix searched for what to say. If Locus had said anything, it would have helped. Would have given him something to work with, a way to shape his words. As it was, any word he could have said died in his throat. He told the truth - he didn’t have boyfriends, or girlfriends, or anything like that. Felix was always on his own, flitting between people before anyone could get attached. Especially himself.

But now there was Locus. And Felix liked Locus, enjoyed spending time with him no matter what they did. He wanted to be with Locus, fuck Locus, wake up next to Locus and make plans with Locus. If that wasn’t a boyfriend, then what the fuck was it?

The silence didn’t last for long. Locus took Felix’s face in his hands, warmth spreading everywhere they touched. “We don’t have to talk about this now.” He spoke quietly, calmly. “It doesn’t matter what you want to call me. If you never feel comfortable with a label, that’s okay.”

Felix was still trying his hardest to glare. “This is a really gay conversation,” he said.

Locus was caressing the side of his face now. It was distracting. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said. “Relax. You’re doing better.”

He meant the nerves, the paranoia, all that mess that had hounded Felix for weeks. Felix nodded slowly, stepping away, letting Locus’s hands fall away from him. “Of course I am. I told you it’d work.”

Everytime he killed, it calmed him. It must just be taking a while to relax his nerves this time. He left Locus then, not looking at Wash and Maine and he retreated to his room. He tried to focus on what Locus had told him - all of it at first, but he quickly narrowed it down to just that one word: Relax.

✹ ✹ ✹

Locus showed up early. It was half past three when Felix opened the front door to him, and before Locus could even say a word, Felix said, “Well, clearly, I am not ready to go anywhere yet.” He was wearing his boxers and the sweater he’d taken from Locus, something he had thrown on when he’d had to leave his room for food.

Locus glanced at what he wore. “Then I suppose I have to wait for you to get ready,” he said.

There weren’t any arguments to that. They walked through the living room, where Tucker had congregated with Church and both Grif siblings - all four of them were playing old first-person-shooter game on the four man split screen. It was chaotic enough to make Felix scowl with a glance, and their noise was enough that it followed him into his bedroom.

Goddamn he really needed to get out soon.

For now, he left Locus to sit at his desk while he threw open the closet and searched for something good enough to wear. He ended up tugging on a pair of tight black jeans (after he discarded the boxers for something that the jeans would easily fit over) and was standing there contemplating just wearing Locus’s sweater anyway when Locus spoke up.

He said, “Why do you still have this?” in this demanding tone that bordered on angry.

Felix turned to look, and to him it just looked like Locus was holding a card. His eyebrows raised. “Uh, sorry? What was that?”

Locus was frowning. “This.” Absolutely no clarification. He was standing by the desk now and all he did was shake the card he held a couple of times. “Why would you keep this with you?”

“You do realize that i can’t actually see that, right?”

“It’s the ID,” Locus said, “of the person you killed.”

“Ah. Right.” Felix paused, then went back to his closet. There was a box at the bottom, buried under his shoes and discarded clothes. As he dug it out, he said, “That was with my knives, y’know. Thought I told you never to touch that.” He didn’t get a response to that. Figured Locus wouldn’t admit to being a nosy asshole.

The second he had the box freed, Felix carried it under one arm and went to pull Locus away from his desk. The knife set was on top of it, the case open and all the blades gleaming under the light. The ID of the man he had killed was sitting in front of it now. Felix picked it up as he dropped the box he held onto the desk, then he said, “I keep the IDs. Like, it’s a way to know who I killed, right?” He flipped the box open, reaching for a small pile of the things bound together with a rubber band.

He meant to hand that over to Locus immediately, let him go through the IDs and satisfy some of his curiosity, but Locus addressed the box’s other contents. “Why,” he said lowly, “do you have so many hood ornaments?”

Felix snorted. “Teenage vandalism.”

It really was some of the better times of his teenage years. Started with that jock from his freshman year, one of the times he took Felix out to do something other than fuck in secret. He had supplied Felix with a steel baseball bat, drove into a rich neighborhood at four in the morning, and together they had set to breaking the pretty little ornaments off of fancy cars. Felix had continued doing it after the jock had gotten himself expelled, dragging his circle of friends into it.

He told all this to Locus with bright eyes and a grin, gesturing wildly with both hands. The IDs were still clasped in one.

Locus didn’t look impressed. “That is what you did with your free time?’ he said. “That boy took you to commit petty crimes?”

Felix shrugged. “We also broke some mailboxes, so.”

Locus just stared at him.

“Y’know, like…” Felix paused, mimed swinging a bat. “One of his friends had a convertible. He’d take it out with the top down and let me hit mailboxes as we drove past. You’ve heard of that, right?”

“Yes.”

Of course he had. Everyone had. It was good natured teenage fuckery. “Before he was expelled,” Felix said, “he had told me about how he wanted to set off fireworks. Like, to blow shit up, y’know? Pity I never got to do that.”

Locus’s eyes were flicking between the box of hood ornaments and the IDs Felix still held. “And you kept them,” he said, nodding to the box.

Felix nodded. “Momentos.”

“And these?” Locus plucked the stack of IDs from Felix swiftly, holding them up. “Are these your new momentos?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“You shouldn’t keep these,” Locus said. He stared down at Felix fiercely, a frown cut deep into his face. His voice was low, rumbling. “You do understand that this is evidence, don’t you? If anyone besides myself saw these, don’t you know what would happen? If they were smart - “

“I’m hearin’ a lot of ‘ifs’,” Felix interrupted.

“These will mark you as a suspect,” Locus continued. “If each one of these matches to your victims, then you will be arrested.”

Felix scoffed, rolled his eyes. “No one’s going to go through a box sitting on my closet floor,” he said.

“You have to stop keeping these.”

“You don’t get to tell me how I do things,” Felix said. He stared up at Locus with intensity to rival the sun. “You’ve seen one murder. One. I’m the one who does this, I’m the one putting myself at risk. I do things my way. You’re along for the goddamn ride and I’ll be damned if you’re gonna tell me how I handle it.”

Locus’s eyes flashed with anger. He wanted to argue, Felix was positive of that.

But Felix didn’t want to. He wanted to relax, to stop being so on edge all the time. He wanted the dinner Locus had promised him and he wanted it to be simple. He stopped Locus before he could say anything else by shoving him backward. “I showed you this so you could see it,” he said. “This is something personal, you get that, don’t you? I could have lied and said I forgot about the ID, but instead, I showed you this. I showed you the collection.”

Locus’s gaze fell to the IDs he held, directing his anger at it instead of Felix. “I don’t think this is something you should do,” he said.

“I don’t care.” He paused, watching Locus turn the stack over. “You can look through them, if you want. Do whatever you want with them. Just… shut up with telling me how to do this, alright?”

That seemed to do the trick. Felix didn’t think much on the fact that there had been a pleading tone to his voice at the end, only enough to scold himself for showing emotions again. He waited until Locus had taken a seat on the bed and then he spun the chair at the desk out and settled down into it. The case of knives sat in front of him and he dug through the bottom drawer of the desk until he found a whetstone. The knives didn’t necessarily need sharpening, but there wouldn’t be any harm in honing the blades while Locus amused himself.

For a few minutes, they were quiet. There was the noise of Felix dragging the blade across the whetstone and the muffled sound of Tucker and his friends yelling at each other in the living room.

Locus broke the silence. “Do you have one of these for each kill?” he said quietly.

Felix glanced at him. He was sitting near the edge of the bed, a small pile of IDs in front of him and several more in his hands. Felix said, “Almost. There’s one guy that I was too pissed at to get the ID” -he suppressed the urge to snarl at just the memory of the man- “and the first kill. Never thought of it at the time.”

Locus was silent.

“But all the others are there,” Felix continued, smirking. He turned his attention back to his blades. “You can match them to the ones that are officially attributed to me.”

Locus hummed quietly, flipping through the remaining ones he held. After almost thirty seconds, he said, “You didn’t take the one from your first kill?”

“Nope.”

“But you did.”

Felix frowned. He turned back to catch Locus staring at him, holding up a single ID. All he managed to say was, “What?”

“This is the first person you killed,” Locus said. He turned the ID back to himself. “His name was Henry Thomson.” When he looked up again, he added, “I’ve been reading about your kills. The ones that are clearly yours. This man is the first one.”

Felix stared at the ID, avoiding Locus’s gaze. He could feel his heart start to sink.

“Why did you lie about not having this?”

Slowly, Felix shook his head. “I didn’t. Not about the IDs.” It was obvious from the way Locus looked at him that he had to keep talking. He sighed, took a moment to assure himself he could do this, and said, “I lied before. About the first time I killed.”

Locus lowered the ID in his hands. “Why?”

Felix shrugged. Because the truth was embarrassing. Because he didn’t want to think about it then.

“You know I’m not going to judge you for it,” Locus said. “I want to understand why you do these things. That is why I asked in the first place.“

Felix shrugged again, a half-hearted motion. “Yeah, I know. You were very insistent.” This wasn’t settling well - the whole issue with the lie and Locus’s stare boring into him. Felt a little sick, almost.

“Felix.”

He wasn’t looking at Locus anymore, but at the blade in his hand.

“Why bring this up if you aren’t going to explain it?” Locus asked.

Good question. Felix paused before he spoke again, blade in one hand, whetstone in the other.  “There was one guy before I moved here,” he said before stopping again and frowning at his hands. This was more difficult than it should be. “When I was sixteen, I ran away from home. Thought if anyone could live on their own, it’d be me.”

Another pause, this time to glance over at Locus. He was watching Felix, saying nothing.

Which left him with no choice but to keep talking. “I ended up homeless, only for like a month, but there was this guy - this older, scruffy asshole. He helped me out, taught me how to get what I wanted from people. How to get money from people on the streets, how to get food, clothes, whatever.” Most of what Felix had done back then was sexual, but that wasn’t the point. He remembered how he had acted with this guy, just blindly following whatever what was said to him and laughed, short and humorless. “I kind of treated him like my homeless mentor.”

“And this is the man you killed?” Locus said.

Felix nodded. “I didn’t mean to, like this wasn’t a planned thing. It just… happened.” He was sharpening the knife as he spoke, the sound of it scraping along the whetstone distracting. “There was one day - it was raining, right? And this guy, he said he had somewhere dry I could stay so I didn’t have to go to a shelter, or sleep outside, or whatever. Just somewhere dry.”

He stopped again, staring at the knife he held. He hadn’t thought about this in years, and now he could see that asshole’s smile when he had accepted the offer. Stupid teenager, just wanted to be dry. “He took me down an alley,” he said, seeing it play out as he spoke. “Fucker had rigged up some kind of awning over a mattress, offered the whole thing to me.”

The mattress, he remembered, was old, pitted with holes. But it was dry and that alone was worth something. “He gave me food, something he must have gotten earlier.” Chinese or Japanese, one of those. “It wasn’t hot anymore but… When we were eating, that’s when he - when the whole night just went to shit.” Felix spun the knife between his fingers slowly, thinking of that man getting too close and how quickly he had started to feel like something was wrong. He thought of how the man had laid a hand on his leg, sliding up his thigh, and for a second, Felix swore he could feel it and the unwanted warmth of the man leaning in close.

He thought about all this and was still talking. “He said I had to pay him back for the food and the place to sleep, and I was an idiot, okay? I thought he just wanted what I had on me, ‘cause I had a bag I took everywhere.” But when he had reached for it - “He didn’t want that, this guy, he - he kept touching me, telling me I owed him, and - “

And then the guy’s hands were on him, on his waist.

“I told him to stop,” Felix said. His voice was flat, but his hand shook where he held onto the knife. “Tried to push him off, but I - I was _sixteen_ , and this guy, he was like in his forties, a lot stronger than some stupid teenager.” Fuck, now he couldn’t stop talking. “He pinned me down. Kept telling me shit like… like it shouldn’t bother me. I blow other guys for food, why should this be different?”

Without the guy’s voice, his breath hot on Felix’s neck, part of the effect was lost, but that was alright. Felix was sure he could remember exactly how it had sounded if he concentrated, and then maybe he’d get the fear that had been pounding through him then.

“I started screaming at him,” Felix said. He could feel Locus’s eyes on him, but he was focusing on the past, on the rain that had been pelting the ground several feet away. On the hands that had been crawling under his shirt. “Actually screaming for him to get off, to stop. And this alley? It was between two buildings, apartments, and not a single fucking person looked outside to see what was going on. Someone had to hear me, right? Can you fuckin’ believe that? Not a single person.”

He paused, for a second, and tried to remember if he had seen lights on. But back then, all he had been able to focus on was the man holding him down and pressing between his legs. He remembered pointless shit - the smell of the man’s breath and the sounds of cars passing by at the end of the alley; the colors of the blankets, his own shirt, even the feel of springs pressing into his back. But not if anyone had actually been home.

“I had to watch him pull his pants down,” Felix said. He didn’t mention watching the guy stroke his cock while he laid there frozen in fear. “And then he - he just - “

It had happened nearly five years ago and Felix could still remember listening to the sound of his zipper being pulled down, and the pathetic half-choked sob he’d made as the man yanked on the waistline of his jeans.

In the silence, Felix glanced back at Locus and saw the look he was being given, so full of concern and worry that he instantly dropped his gaze again. “I was a stupid kid,” he said quietly. “But it’s fine, ‘cause … I killed him.”

Locus said, “Felix… This man, did he really - ?”

“Really what? Rape me?” He was still avoiding Locus’s gaze, staring down at the knife in his hand. It was still shaking, and he frowned at it. “Nah. See, with all that goin’ on it took me a while to remember it, but I had a knife. I stole it from my dad before I ran off. And when that jackass tried to take my pants off, I felt it, remembered it was there, and killed him.”

Also stabbed him at least ten times, maybe more, he wasn’t sure. He had been crying by that point, freaking out and shaking.

It was still too quiet and Felix was still stuck in the memories. “Look, just - forget I ever brought it up, alright? He was the first person I killed and he deserved it, but it was self-defense, so it didn’t matter, okay?”

There were footsteps headed to him, and Felix glanced up just in time for Locus to grasp his arm and pull him to his feet. Then Locus’s arms were around him, pressing them together. Felix let the knife fall from his hand and turned his face into Locus’s chest, sighing. “Hugs?” he said. “Really? Is this supposed to make me feel better or something stupid like that?” He was wrapping his arms around Locus despite himself, clutching at his back.

Locus didn’t answer. He laid a hand on Felix’s head, fingers scraping against his scalp. The other was pressing against his back, warmth spreading through Felix’s shirt. It was soothing, comforting.

Felix didn’t push him away until the memory of that night was fading. At that point, he was starting to get uncomfortable from such a long embrace anyway. As he stepped back from Locus, he said, “I, uh… haven’t told anyone else this.” The instant the words were out of his mouth, he was blushing.

“No one?” Locus repeated. His hands were still on Felix’s arms and Felix shook one loose just to rub at the back of his neck. “At all?”

“No.” Felix glanced at Locus and then instantly averted his gaze again. There was too much concern in Locus’s eyes. Too much feeling in that face. “I - I couldn’t.”

“Not even your parents?”

He huffed a short, humorless laugh. “Absolutely not.”

“Why not?”

He could barely stop himself from rolling his eyes. “Because they’re fucking dicks, alright? Somehow, they would have made it my fault that it happened, and - “ He stopped, catching the alarm in Locus’s face. “No, shut up. Look, I just - I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Felix stepped back from Locus, his arms crossing over his chest. It was a defensive stance and he knew it. Couldn’t help himself.

In the silence between them, Felix could hear his heart pounding and hated it. Hated that he had ended up telling this to Locus - or at least, that he had had to tell it because he had forgotten that he had lied in the first place.

When Locus spoke again, his voice was quiet and calm and, somehow, soothing. It flowed over Felix like a wave, pushing his nervous energy away. “Of course. I’m here to take you out to dinner. We can leave now, if you’d still like to go. Though it’ll be more of a late lunch than a dinner at this point, I’d still like to take you out tonight.”

Felix smiled. Maybe it was just that Locus didn’t push. He stopped. He listened. “Hell yeah I wanna go out. Do you hear that noise?” He gestured toward the far wall of his bedroom, the one nearest to the living room. Tucker and his pals were still yelling and laughing. Sounded more like a party than four idiots playing games. “Please, Locs. Take me away from this.”

A slow smile worked its way across Locus’s face. “You’re going to wear that?”

Right. He still wore Locus’s sweater and it hung off his frame. Felix’s smile grew; he was loosening up again, all that tight tension easing out of him. “Why not? Strangers will think we’re fucking adorable together.”

“They’ll think you’re adorable,” Locus said. “Seeing as you’re the one wearing the oversized sweater.”

“I am devilishly handsome.”

“Mm. Whatever you say.”

Felix flashed Locus a grin, walking to his closet to pull out a jacket. After a moment's pause, he sighed dramatically and tugged the sweater off in favor of a tighter one. As they left his room, he complained to Locus about how he had no jacket that would fit over that too-large thing. For extra snark, he made sure to call it ugly and insult Locus’s bland taste in clothing.

It was good, he thought, that he had met someone who could coax him back to good-natured humor. Otherwise, Felix would have found himself shoving a knife in someone’s throat to forget the memories. Instead he had Thai food with Locus and got into a debate about whether romcoms counted as good movies.

They absolutely did and Locus was an idiot for saying otherwise.

✹ ✹ ✹

A few days later, Felix walked out of his work prepared to take the bus again and was met with Miguel instead. It was a surprise, definitely, but not at all a bad one. The sun may finally have come out to attempt to melt the snow, but the wind chill was terrible and Felix was always happy to have an excuse not to take the bus home.

Even if he was still wary around Miguel.

Once he was in the car, Miguel said, “You up for a party tonight?”

Felix glanced down at his work clothes, then back at Miguel. A bandage was over his nose, bruising spreading out underneath it. Ugly, dark bruises. Rather than draw attention to it, Felix said, “Not in what I’m wearing.”

Miguel’s answering smile bordered on a smirk. It would have been attractive if his face was clear of damage. “Just so happens you left some clothes at my place before you took off. One of those calls you never answered was going to be me giving them back.”

He ignored that, giving a quiet laugh and a smile and letting the conversation drift away. They talked about this party - didn’t start for a couple hours, Miguel said - and then about what both of them would be doing in the upcoming weeks. It was obvious that Miguel was trying to find time they could spend together, moments where he could call Felix over for days at a time again.

Right. Because that worked so well the last time.

Felix handled it all smoothly. He talked about his work schedule, how the days he had free weren’t usually planned so far ahead of time. He said, “You should know that by now,” and watched Miguel shrug in response. They had been doing this for months now, ever since Felix had finally succeeded in seducing Miguel and had been fucked in the back room of a club where the fool was dealing. Since before he had even moved into his apartment, Felix had been seeing Miguel on and off, sometimes weeks passing before they met up again. During all that time, all they had ever done was give a day or two for the other party to be ready.

The fact that Miguel was trying to squeeze time out of him now was odd.

The subject was dropped before he could figure out why, though, and when they pulled up to Miguel’s apartment building, Felix was in a pretty good mood. He had his phone in his hands as he left the car, texting Locus that he wasn’t actually going to come over tonight, so sorry. Once in the elevator, he said, “I want food, by the way.”

“That’s good,”Miguel said, “ ‘cause I was going to ask you to dinner.”

“You’re buying.”

“Awh, sweetcheeks, when do I ever make you pay for anything?”

Felix snorted. Sarcastic petnames may be a thing with the two of them, but really? Sweetcheeks? As the door opened on Miguel’s floor, he said “You callin’ me that ‘cause my ass is delectable?”

Miguel laughed. “I wouldn’t put it that way.”

A grin sparked to life on Felix’s face. He nudged Miguel down the hall to his door, saying, “I mean, you do eat my ass enough, so I just thought that might be it.” The door swung open and Felix slipped in first, smacking Miguel’s ass as he passed. “Just as long as my ass isn’t all that’s on the menu tonight, I’m up for dinner.”

He heard the sound of the door closing, Miguel saying, “Damn. There goes my plans.”

There wasn’t really anything to say to that but another joke, the banter that usually spun between them. He said nothing, heading to Miguel’s dresser where he knew any of his clothes would be put away. Silence fell over the apartment, disrupted only by drawers closing and the quiet sound of Miguel opening his fridge.

Miguel’s apartment was a studio, with the only closed off area being the bathroom. There was a half-wall that served to separate the bedroom from the living area, and the furniture was arranged to face away from the bed. Instead of a closet, he had a wardrobe; the window beside that, in warmer weather, was usually open to hanging flowers. Felix dressed quickly, pulling on torn jeans and a shirt for a band he had hardly heard of before shrugging his jacket back on. As he did, he wondered if he could persuade Miguel to smoke today or if he should try and stay as sober as possible.

That idea was dismissed as soon as Felix remembered that party he had been invited to. Maybe he’d just try to stay sober when he was alone with Miguel. At least for a little while longer.

Miguel was hanging back in the kitchen with a drink in his hand, staring out the window. He looked over as Felix approached, gaze flickering over Felix’s outfit. An easy smile spread over his face, direct contrast to when he spoke. “You alright, man?”

“What?”

“You’re never quiet,” Miguel said. His eyes tracked back to the window. “If you’re still upset about what happened, I - “

Felix rolled his eyes. “No. I’m fine.”

“I just want you to - “

“I don’t care.”

Miguel looked back at him, no longer smiling. He looking worried, concerned, and Felix felt his shoulders tensing. “Felix.”

“Let it go. I’m fine.” As long as he was sober, he was fine. “What the fuck brought this up again?”

Miguel shrugged. He was fiddling with his phone, eyes flickering around the room to anything but Felix. “I don’t know. I just… I’m really sorry. You know that, right?”

“Yeah. You said it before.” In the silence that ensued, Felix considered just leaving now. If Miguel was going to be a pain in the ass like this, why should he stay?

Seconds passed before either of them moved. Then, when Felix took a step toward the door, Miguel moved to intercept him. He took Felix by the shoulders, squeezing. “Don’t run off,” he said. “I won’t mention it again, alright? Promise.” When Felix didn’t respond, Miguel lifted his hands to cup his face, tilting his head up.

Fingers ran over his neck and Felix twitched, resisting the urge to back away. Miguel had promised him dinner, and a party. That sounded like a much better night than anything else he could get out of someone. He was about to concede, pile on the charm to make Miguel in a good mood again, but then Miguel pulled back, frowning. Felix said, “What now?”

Miguel touched the base of his neck, around the collar of his shirt. He said nothing.

It took a couple more seconds before Felix understood. Miguel had finally seen the marks Locus had left, fading and mostly hidden beneath his clothes. For the past few days, Felix had applied makeup to them, hiding it while he was at work. He tried to remember now if he had rubbed it off. Or maybe it had just worn off by itself, or pulled off by his changing of clothes.

Regardless.

Felix scoffed. “What, are you serious?” He stepped away from Miguel, reaching up with one hand to rub at his neck.

Miguel hesitated. “It’s just - It’s nothing. Never mind.”

“No, no. Please, continue.”

No answer. Miguel stood where he was, staring at Felix.

And Felix pressed forward. “C’mon, sweetheart. Tell me what’s wrong.” He smirked. “You jealous?”

“No, Felix - “

“Mad someone else got to me?” Felix paused to pull at his collar, purposely showing the hickies off - what was left of them, anyway. “What did you expect from me? Honestly? You expect me to sit around and wait for you to get your head out of your ass?”

Miguel’s face twisted into a painful guilty mess that had to be hurting his broken nose. He looked like he wanted to say something.

Felix wasn’t going to let him. He smiled, pure and sweet and said, “Don’t you remember what you did to me?” And he grinned as Miguel looked away from him. Stupid guilty shit. “You don’t get to act all hurt because I fucked someone else. Not after what you did.”

At that, Miguel sighed, his eyes closing. When he opened them again, he was looking at Felix and there had never been so much regret in him before then. “I know,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re lucky I’m here at all.”

“I know.” He paused. “I fucked up. I know I did. I said it before, but I fucked up badly and I’m… really, really sorry.”

He meant that night in question, not just right now. For some reason, it irritated Felix further.

Miguel said, “If you want to go home, I understand. I won’t make you stay here.”

It was tempting, and maybe Felix should have just left. Instead he said, “No. You promised me dinner.” The relief in Miguel’s face was nigh tangible; Felix resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He started for the door once more, only to stopped yet again by Miguel. This time, Miguel said he had something to cover up the bruises and then he was gone to the dresser. He returned with a black-and-gray scarf that he wrapped around Felix’s neck, loose enough to be comfortable and tight enough to hide the fading hickies.

Felix said, “Don’t want to claim you left the marks?”

Miguel was smiling, but it was small. A shadow of the usual bright looks he held. “Not even a little bit,” he said.

Fair enough. Felix was pretty much done arguing. “Am I still good lookin’ at least?”

“Naturally.”

That deserved a kiss. A chaste one; Felix had to lean up to do it, but Miguel’s smile had more life when he pulled away. Despite the bullshit, the awful mess the guy had put him through, keeping him happy was a good thing. It was easier to be around Miguel when he was in a good mood. And if all it took was a kiss from Felix to ease his guilt and keep the mood light, he could handle that.

When they left, Felix slipped his hand into Miguel’s. Just because he knew it’d help the mood. Dinner helped that further, seeing as Felix made sure to keep his side of the conversation amicable. The conversations weren’t important, but the food was good and he learned that Miguel was taking him to a party held at a penthouse. He would be selling drugs and Felix was presumably going to ward off the idiots who tried to flirt for free drugs. They made Miguel irritable and uncomfortable, whereas Felix usually did the opposite.

Felix knew there would be people trying to flirt with Miguel. Usually a lot of young girls who just saw a hot drug dealer. At the party, as more people showed up and Miguel waded his way through crowds, the girls showed up just like Felix assumed. Lots of pretty young girls who wasted all their effort because Miguel was gay as hell.

Most of them gave up on flirting when Felix sidled up next to Miguel and kissed him, threw an arm around him, called him sweet petnames. Whichever. It was entertaining for a while, and when it stopped being fun, Felix detached himself to drink and enjoy the party. He got his discounted drugs from Miguel too, and treated a large group of people to party tricks that primarily consisted of him deepthroating someone’s new dildo.

Eventually, he found himself on the roof. The moon was high, snow littered the rooftop, and Felix lowered himself to his knees in front of a strange man. He wasn’t drunk, not yet, but this man held the key to the rooftop and Felix had convinced him to give it over for a blowjob. The only requirement? Deepthroat. He nearly choked and the man’s dick tasted terrible, but at the end of it he had the key.

Worth it.

✹ ✹ ✹

It was two days before he got Locus out there. School, Locus said, was keeping him too busy to entertain Felix’s every demand. How was that possible when it was so early on in a semester? But, sure. Felix left Locus to work and bided his time by continuing to smooth things over with Miguel, and by setting up a party with Tucker for the following weekend.

And when he did get Locus to go out, when he told Locus not to go home after the movie ended, all he got was a frown. They were in Locus’s car, sitting a stoplight. Nothing moved around them. It was past midnight and in this part of the city, no one was out. He refused to keep driving at first, wanting an explanation.

Felix said, “Trust me. It’ll be good.” He gave directions to the apartment building that party had been in, reminding Locus that yes, he knew what he was doing. And it was totally going to be worth it. He kept it up as they entered the building and only quieted when they took the elevator up to the second highest floor.

Not the top. The guy he took the key from might live in the penthouse and Felix wanted to avoid that meeting if possible.

So, he took Locus by the hand and tugged him toward the stairs, only letting go when they reached the rooftop door. Then he made Locus hold it open while he found something to prop the door, make sure it didn’t slam closed on them.

Outside, on the rooftop, it was cold. Really, really cold. There was a wind blowing and it pierced through the layers Felix wore, digging at his skin. It blew the few loose strands of Locus’s hair, and Felix could swear the piercing in his nose was getting colder.

Locus said, “Why are we up here?”

Felix pulled a hand from his pocket to gesture at the view. “Look at it.”

The city was spread out before them in three separate directions. Tall buildings, dotted with bright lights. The traffic and bright signs of the clubs were just visible, gleaming spots of nightlife in a quieting city. Behind them lay the suburban housing, the uninteresting part in Felix’s opinion. The moon was high, stars glinting. It was a beautiful sight.

Locus glanced at it, then back at Felix. Entirely unimpressed. What a dick. “This is it?” he said. “You took me to a rooftop in the middle of winter for this?”

“Aw, Locus, c’mon.”

“It’s after midnight.”

“But it’s a great view.”

“Below twenty degrees.”

“Locus.”

“The wind chill probably makes it under ten.”

Felix scoffed, the puff of breath visible. “Are you a fuckin’ weatherman now?”

Locus gave him one of those hard, unamused stares. “I’m merely letting you know,” he said, “that it is currently too cold to be out on a rooftop.”

“Locus, baby,” Felix said, “It’s supposed to be romantic!” Nevermind that he was standing with his hands in his jacket pockets, shoulders hunched against the wind. The view was what mattered. He slid up close to Locus, laying his hands on Locus’s chest and leaning up to kiss his cheek. “I’m tryin’ to be romantic for you. Don’t be an asshole about it.”

Locus wound an arm around his waist. “It’s a bit too cold for this type of romance,” he said. He was looking off at the view when he spoke, though, which meant that he was wrong and this type of romance was good at any time. “Maybe you should try again in the spring”

“Ass.” He pushed off of Locus, stepping away. Snow still sat on the roof, packed down and hard. It crunched beneath his feet. For a moment, that’s all he heard.

Then, Locus looked back at him and said, “Is this really all you wanted to be up here for?”

“Well, no. Not really.” He ran a hand through his hair, frowning. “Just thought the view would help.”

Romantic gestures always helped. Right?

Locus was waiting for him to speak, gaze wandering back out to the buildings surrounding them. It was good that he was patient, because this was going to be difficult. Even though Felix had spent the better part of the past week thinking it over, had rehearsed what he wanted to say, he couldn’t find the words anymore. At least he wasn’t nervous, or blushing, or anything like that.

He just needed the right words. The right way to get his point across.

Eventually, he released a deep breath slowly and started. “You know how I’ve said you aren’t my boyfriend.” The response was a quiet noise. “Well… I’ve thought about it lately. About what you are. What we are.”

This sounded so much better in his head.

But Locus was turning his eyes back to him, focusing on him. Paying attention. Felix looked away. “I still don’t like calling you my boyfriend. I don’t have boyfriends, or girlfriends. Nothing like that. It implies too much, y’know?”

Another quiet noise of agreement.

Lights in a distant building were turning off and Felix looked at that instead of Locus. “I think I would be alright with something else,” he said. “I don’t want you to be my boyfriend, but… something.” At that, he glanced back over, eyes skating over Locus’s face for some kind of visible expression. Nothing. Might be too dark to read his face. “You’re - you’re something,” Felix said. “You’re important. What we have, whatever this is, it’s… important. I can put a label to that.”

“But you don’t know what to call it?” Locus said, voice quiet.

Felix shrugged as a response. “Haven’t found anything good enough yet.” He hadn’t really looked for anything, just tried to think it up out of nowhere. Something would fit though, eventually. “I’ll let you know when I do.”

Silence again, for a few seconds. Then Locus strode forward, took Felix’s face in his hands, and kissed him. That was it. Nothing about what he had said, nothing to further the conversation. Just a kiss powered by emotion that Felix could feel pouring through Locus.

They parted, Felix with his hands squeezing Locus’s shirt. He smirked. “Romantic view totally works in the winter,” he said. “Admit it.”

“You’re ruining the moment.”

“Tell me I’m right, baby.” The words were barely out of his mouth before Locus was kissing him again. Felix knew it was to shut him up. It was a good way to make him quiet, he had to admit that. One of his favorites.


	4. i saw you dance in the devil's arms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's some light references to sexual assault. nothin too bad. 
> 
> but there's also two sex scenes and its nearly 30 pages long so there's that.

January faded to February and there was no sign of the body being found anytime soon. Felix stopped checking for news before the end of the month, and the thought entirely left him shortly after the first. As far as he was concerned, that last kill was successful; if history taught him anything, it was that it would be a while before he heard anything about it.

But now? He was free to do as he pleased without worry.

He went to a house party thrown by Sis, held in her brother’s house, where he made out with York. Another party in Church’s apartment - where, again, Felix ended up in York’s lap after drinking far too much. The morning after that party, Wash came to Felix in the morning and said, “Stop messing around with York.”

Felix was nursing a hangover, cup of coffee in his hands. He frowned, squinting in the light. “York’s hot,” he said. “Besides, it’s not like I fucked him. Calm down.” Not that he hadn’t tried. York was fine with kissing, with Felix squeezing his ass and whispering dirty things to him, but if Felix ever tried to make a move toward sex, he was shut down quick. Felix had the feeling that if he said that to Wash, the bastard wouldn’t believe it. Instead, he said, “I fucked some pretty blonde last night. She was kinky. Wanna hear about it?”

Naturally, Wash left him alone then, after a disgusted look. He went into the living room and left Felix to down a second cup of coffee and contemplate breakfast. Work wasn’t until later, a closing shift today, so Felix took his time in eating, bothering Wash, and then trudging through the persistent cold weather to work.

The rest of the week passed slowly. There was a third party that he had been invited to on the upcoming weekend, something thrown by Natalie. He told her he might show up, no guarantees given; all these parties were wrecking his capacity for performing as a functional human being. An out was necessary for him. Other than that, the only interesting thing was that he got paid and immediately went to his tattoo artist. A good chunk of his paycheck and a fair amount from his savings paid for the new tattoo that spiraled down his arm; it covered up the old scar on the inside of his forearm, just as he had planned.

His nights, when not working, were spent with Locus. Rarely leaving Locus’s apartment, venturing out only for dinner when Felix demanded it. Otherwise Locus would try to do his schoolwork and Felix would weasel kisses and attention out of him.

It wasn’t a surprise that just kissing Locus wasn’t enough. Felix had pushed Locus to his bed, climbed into his lap and buried his hands into Locus’s hair. They kissed, long and slow and Locus wound an arm around him to hold him tight. The only sounds in the room was quiet music from Locus’s laptop and their breathing when they separating.

Locus ran a hand down Felix’s back, his fingers dipping below the waist of Felix’s jeans. He looked at Felix with lidded, dazed eyes - that affection-heavy lovestruck look that Felix was seeing from him more and more often. He said, “I do have work to do tonight, you know.”

Felix laughed, quiet and breathy. He had his hands on Locus’s jaw, fingers still tangled with soft hair, thumbs running over the sides of Locus’s face. “Fuck your work,” he said. “Or, better suggestion: Fuck me.” All he got for that was a soft smile from Locus, so he closed the gap between them with another kiss. He ground his hips into Locus, enjoying the hands tightened on him, the little gasp given into his mouth.

He put his hands on Locus’s shoulders and pushed until he was lying flat on the bed. Sitting astride him and grinding down into him again, Felix pulled back to nip at Locus’s neck. There was a hand on his ass now, squeezing and releasing over his jeans. Felix was tempted to go ahead and strip his pants off to let Locus knead his ass, but he remembered his wish to mark the man and set on that instead. Biting and sucking at his neck was exciting Locus - Felix felt the hardness pressing against the inside of one of his thighs and laughed against Locus’s neck.

He pulled back to look down at Locus and got a seconds’ view of the loose hair splayed over the pillow, of the lust in his eyes, and then a hand was in his hair, pulling him down. Kisses, again. Messy, driven by lust and desire and an intense need growing between both of them. When Felix ground into him, Locus bucked up against him. “We gonna do this then?” Felix asked when they had separated.

Locus answered with a low, rumbling hum, leaning up to kiss him again. His hands were on Felix’s pants, undoing his belt with practiced fingers. “I could spare a little time,” Locus said.

“Only a little?” Felix grinned, pulling away to shuck his pants to the floor. “Selling yourself short there, babe.”

“If you want to draw it out, you only need to ask,” Locus said. His hands were sliding under Felix’s shirt. “Though I’m not sure how well I’ll be able to focus on my work after if that’s what you want.”

Felix snorted. He yanked his shirt over his head, then reached for Locus’s to do the same. “I don’t really care about your work,” he said. “Especially not when we’re about to fuck.”

Locus’s shirt landed with his on the floor. “Are you sure? I could recite what I’m learning to you.”

“Ohh, dirty boy. Aren’t you into some weird shit.”

Locus was laughing, leaning forward to kiss Felix’s collarbone. It was a lovely sound, but nothing yet had beaten those little gasps and growls as Felix had marked him moments earlier. He laid his hands on Locus’s bare shoulders, thinking that he had to hear that again. As soon as Locus had pulled back from his neck, Felix pushed him onto his back again. He took a moment to look into those damned beautiful eyes, then exhaled a slow breath. “Got an idea,” he said, dropping his voice. “A really great idea. How about this time, I fuck you?”

The hesitation in Locus’s face was instant and obvious.

Felix’s gut twisted immediately. That was never a good sign, but he had to try. He piled on confidence, charm, every bit of seduction he could. “It’d be real good,”  he continued, kissing Locus on the cheek. “I can make you feel good, baby, promise.”

Locus’s hands were on his waist and Felix’s heart was hammering into his ribs. He had this brilliant image of a flushed, trembling Locus underneath him and it was making his cock twitch. Locus spoke and even that sounded hesitant. “Felix... I- I’m not sure if - “

He kissed Locus’s cheek again, peppering small kisses over his face and down his neck. He murmured quiet reassurances all the while, smoothing his palms over Locus’s biceps. Anything to calm him down and let this happen. “It’ll be alright,” he said. “You just gotta relax, let me take me the lead here.” Felix dropped his hands to Locus’s belt, still kissing his neck.

But then Locus gripped him by the elbows and said, “Felix. Stop.”

Felix paused, but then sighed, letting go of Locus’s belt and sitting up slowly. His cock was hard, and he could see with a glance that Locus at least had a semi. Sex would be good for both of them. “What’s the problem?” he said. “You wanted to fuck, didn’t you?”

If Locus said stop, he’d listen. Didn’t mean he had to be happy about being left without release.

Locus had eased himself back to sit up. As Felix watched, he shifted until his legs hung over the side of the bed. Instead of talking, he just took a deep breath and rubbed at his eyes with one hand. As the silence stretched on, Felix’s erection flagged and his irritation grew. The words were out before he could stop himself: “You fuckin’ blueballed me, jackass. You can at least have the decency to tell me what the fuck is up with you.”

When he spoke, Locus was so quiet that Felix had to shuffle forward to hear it. “I just… think I need a little more time.” He wasn’t looking at Felix when he spoke.

“Time for what?”

“To adjust to the idea of - of you and me - “ He was stumbling over his words and a part of Felix knew that must be because of anxiety.

Still, a nagging thought was sprouting wings and Felix scowled at Locus. “Of us what, Locus? Having sex? We already do that.” He pushed at Locus with one hand, finally getting Locus to look back at him. The expression on his face was dark and guarded - and Felix hated it. All he had wanted to do was have sex and this was turning into a mess.

“That isn’t what I mean,” Locus said. He looked away again, bringing his hands up to his temples. He took another deep breath, but then Felix pushed at his shoulders again. He wanted an actual explanation, anything to make the bitter thoughts in his head go away. Locus sighed and pulled away from him, saying, “Let me calm down first. Then we’ll talk.”

Felix scoffed. “Just own up to why we had to stop. If it’s not the sex, then what is it?” He hoped it wasn’t what he thought, but then it wouldn’t be the first time. “It’s because I want to fuck you, isn’t it?”

Locus didn’t answer. He was picking his shirt up off the floor.

That was enough to know he was right. Felix’s expression turned bitter, sour, as he let the truth set in. “That’s exactly what the problem is. Big tough Locus, perfectly alright with sticking it in me, but when it comes to him being the one that’s fucked?” He barked out a laugh, pressing a hand to his chest. “Ohh, that’s too much. Suddenly, he needs time when he hasn’t before! Suddenly, having sex with me is a fucking problem!”

When Locus looked at him this time, at least there was a touch of annoyance there. Good, Felix thought. Let him be angry too. Ruin the whole fucking day for both of them. “Stop it,” he said. Ordered. “You don’t understand and you won’t listen. So stop talking.”

Felix bristled. “No,” he snapped. “Just own up to it. You’re too much of a punk ass bitch to take a dick up the ass.”

Locus was frowning now. “We can talk about this later,” he said. “When you aren’t acting like a child.”

“I am not a child!”

“You’re behaving like one,” Locus shot back. “You do not get to act as if you’re hurt and scorned because I said no to you.”

“Maybe if you told me why, I wouldn’t act like this.”

“I told you we’ll discuss this later.” Locus was redoing his hair as he spoke, pulling it all back and avoiding looking at Felix still sitting on his bed. “I need to calm down. You need to get a hold of yourself.”

Felix left the bed stiffly, snatching his jeans off the floor. He glared at Locus, at the wall while he buckled his pants up. Any hope of sex was gone, but that didn’t matter because his erection had long since faded. As he bent to pick up his shirt, he caught sight of Locus out the corner of his eye. Locus, sitting back at his desk and turning to his laptop.

Locus, effectively shutting Felix out.

For some reason, it was enraging. Not enough he had been denied for some stupid reason, but now Locus was ignoring him again. “Oh, back to work?” he said loudly. “Gonna ignore me now?” He heard Locus heave another sigh and strode forward to grasp the man’s shoulders. “Is that what you’ll do now? Deny me for sex when I want to fuck you and then ignore me the rest of the day?”

“I have told you many times that I need to calm down.” Locus sounded annoyed.  Very, very annoyed. His shoulders were tense under Felix’s hands. “You can stand being quiet for a bit, can’t you?”

Not right now, no. “What is it about me fucking you that is such a goddamn problem that you’re going to ignore me for suggesting it?”

“Let it go, Felix.”

“Not until you explain.” He shook Locus by the shoulders until the chair spun around and Locus was glaring up at him. “If you can’t handle me fucking you, tough guy, tell me why.”

Locus was silent for a beat, then he said, “You are impossible. I’ve told you time and again that I just need time, and then I’ll explain. Are you so incredibly dense that you can’t understand that?”

“Oh, you fucking dick -”

“Or is it that I told you no?” Locus continued, standing. He looked down his nose at Felix, made himself an intimidating figure. Like he posed a threat. “Can your pathetic ego not handle that? Is it because you’ve suddenly forgotten what the word means?”

Felix froze, rage seething under his skin. A bolt of lightning had struck his spine, tingling through his nerves, and for a second he couldn’t speak. He stepped back from Locus only to scream - a low, guttural noise of anger and frustration that had him leaping forward to shove Locus back. Locus hit the desk behind him, knocking it into the wall and making everything on it shake. “You don’t get to say that to me,” Felix said.

Locus shoved him back and he stumbled over his feet. “Then stop acting like this,” he growled. “Listen when I tell you to stop.“

“Fuck you!” He was already crossing the room, shirt in one hand. He grasped the doorknob and realized  with a jolt that his hands were shaking, that his breathing was too quick and erratic. He probably sounded a tad hysterical when he had yelled. And he had reacted so harshly, so quickly -

He had frozen at the door, and he heard Locus call his name, softly. He left before he could hear anything else, slamming the front door closed and taking the time to pull his shirt back on. The cold air chilled his bare feet - he had left his shoes, his socks, even his jacket. But it was too late for that. If Locus wanted to be such a massive asshole and cause all those suffocated memories to be dredged back up, then Felix wasn’t going back over there.

✹ ✹ ✹

The next day, Felix was bitter. He didn’t contact Locus and, unsurprisingly, Locus didn’t try to contact him. Well, there was one initial text but all it said was for Felix to call when he was ready. That wasn’t going to happen. Felix called Miguel instead, as soon as he got back from work and was in more comfortable clothes. He started the conversation with, “I want to fuck you.”

Miguel laughed. “Charming greeting.”

“I’m serious.” He was sitting on his bed to pull on a pair of sneakers, comfortable and easy to kick off once he made it to Miguel’s apartment. Better than what he wore to work. “Come pick me up. Let me fuck you. Then, I don’t  know… pizza and weed?”

Miguel said, “What if I had plans for the night?”

“Those plans are not better than my dick and weed.” Felix leaned back, one hand pressing against the bed. “How about I pay for the pizza?”

“Alright, alright.”

“Awesome.” He’d pay for a pizza if it meant finally getting a chance to relieve tension. “Come get me then. Now, please.”

“On my way.”

It usually took around half an hour for Miguel to arrive, longer if traffic was bad. Felix got a snack while he waited and made sure he had his phone and his wallet. He took a moment to message Natalie as well, letting her know that he was not going to make that party. In truth, he had completely forgotten it was tonight until after he had called Miguel, but hey. Fucking Miguel should prove a good enough night to warrant missing one party.

Sister and Tucker came home right when Miguel messaged to say he was outside. They were followed by the other Grif, Church, and some big idiot called Caboose. Sister held a bag that was definitely from the ABC store, Tucker held two bags of food, and Caboose had three different movies in his hands. Felix stared at them.

Sister said, “Hey! You’re here!”

“For a bit,” Felix said, eyeing the lot of them. “And by that, I mean I’m leaving now.”

Sister pouted, but her brother was the one who spoke. “Good. You’re a pain in the ass.”

“And your fatass is blocking the doorway,” Felix said with a smile. “Move. All of you.”

Grif spat an insult that Felix ignored. Church shoved him aside anyway as he weaved between Tucker and Sister. “Let the grumpy fuck leave,” he said. “Tex is comin’ soon, and she’s bringing Maine with her.” He threw Felix a dirty look as he passed. “I’ve heard what you say to that guy. Don’t wanna stick around for that.”

Felix ignored him too. Well. Almost. “Y’know, I’ve been wondering. Does Tex top you in bed?” He really enjoyed the startled look on Church’s face and the snicker from Tucker. “ ‘Cause you are such a little bitch, I don’t see any way it’d work without her rammin’ it up your ass and you begging for it.”

The silence that ensued was filled with Church’s palpable anger and Tucker’s quiet laughter. Sister said, “Hot,” and the same time her brother said, “I believe it.”

Felix dodged by them as Tucker led Sister and Grif into the living room. As he passed Caboose, the big doofus let go of his movies to pat him on the head and ruffle his hair. “Goodbye, tiny money creature!” he said cheerfully, not even noticing the frown on Felix’s face.

Halfway down the stairs, Felix passed Simmons and some grinning blonde moronic looking weasel that winked at him. He was never more happy that he was going to be away from the apartment. It looked like every single one of Tucker’s friends would be over, and that was fucking terrible.

By the time he made it to Miguel’s car, it was snowing again. A few minutes had passed since Miguel had texted him and the first thing he did when Felix sat down was to say, “You got snow in your hair.”

Felix ran a hand through his hair, feeling the cold wet spots of snow. “It’s February,” he said. “Isn’t it time for the snow to stop yet?”

Miguel shook his head, grinning. “Yeah, you wish.” He drove off and they were quiet, for a while, until he asked if they could have that pizza before they fucked. That was a stupid question. Felix didn’t like to fuck after eating; sometimes he ate too much and felt bloated and would no longer be in the mood. To answer Miguel’s question, Felix leaned over the gap between them and kissed his face, sliding a hand between his legs. Miguel shot him a smirk as Felix groped him over his pants. “Suppose that’s a no then,” he said.

“I’m gonna fuck you,” Felix said, “so hard you can’t even walk.”

Miguel just laughed and reached to pull his hand away. He raised it to kiss Felix’s knuckles, then let go. “Don’t distract me while it’s snowing,” he said. “I’d hate to crash and wound you.  A hospital trip would really kill the mood.”

Felix snorted. “Fine,” he said, reaching to undo his own pants. “Just gonna touch myself then.” He palmed himself over his boxers, gazing out the windshield.

After a few seconds, Miguel glanced at him and said, “You know it’ll be a while before we get there right? It’s rush hour now. Lots of traffic.” They pulled up to a red light, and he reached for Felix’s hand. “Don’t cum in your jeans, alright?”

“Would that be a mood killer?” Felix let Miguel pull his hand away, pleasantly surprised when Miguel instantly slid his hand under the jeans and boxers and gripped Felix’s cock. Felix had this thought that Miguel was going to give him a handjob despite what he’d said, but all he got was Miguel’s fingertips running along the underside of his shaft. And then rubbing over his piercings, over and over. Felix shot him a look, squirming. “That all you’re goin’ to do?”

“Mm hmm.” He squeezed Felix’s cock as he spoke, jerking once to make Felix hiss. Then went right back to rubbing at the piercings.

It made for an incredibly frustrating drive. Between the traffic and red lights, Miguel’s continuous teasing was torturous. He considered telling Miguel to stop, but all that came out was insults and curses. In response, Miguel only said things like “Alright, baby,” and “I know, sweetheart, I know.” It had Felix laughing in between curses.

Ultimately, the attention was too nice to make Miguel stop.

By the time they made it to Miguel’s apartment building, Felix had a semi and was aching to get started. The elevator up to Miguel’s floor was close the doors of the building, thankfully, and Felix just walked as quickly as he could to it. He would have sprinted if that wouldn’t draw attention to him and the fact that his pants were still undone. In the elevator, alone with Miguel, Felix shoved him against the wall and kissed him. Felix bit at Miguel’s lip, plunged a hand into his pants, and gripped his cock. “I’m gonna make you beg,” Felix said lowly. “Just for what you did in the car.”

Miguel smirked. His hands were anchored on Felix’s hips. “No idea what you mean.”

“Like hell you don’t.” It was those piercings, the constant attention paid to them and nothing else, that drove Felix into sexual frustration like nothing else. And Miguel knew that. Felix stroked him the whole ride up, shoving him out the doors as it opened. There was an older woman standing out in the hall, watching as they passed. She must have seen either the undone zippers or the tent in either of their pants, but right now, Felix didn’t particularly care.

The instant they crossed the threshold, Felix kicked the door closed and shrugged off his jacket. He was grabbing at Miguel seconds after, pulling him down for increasingly frantic kisses. As he forced Miguel out of his coat, he said, “Shit, you’re  eager.”

“What’d you expect?” Felix said. He took the moment to pull his shirt off. “You groped me the whole way here. There wasn’t gonna be a lot of buildup anyway.” Not with how he had called, with the sole intention of sex. “Take off your clothes, hurry up.”

Miguel complied, sliding out of his pants and pulling his shirt off. There was a tattoo on his left bicep, the first tattoo he had ever seen on this guy. Felix had frozen in the act of pushing his jeans off, staring at the glimpse of the tattoo he could see. He ached to push Miguel over and fuck him, but curiosity was winning over. “You got a tattoo,” he said.

“And you’ve got another one.” Miguel was tracing over his arm as he spoke, running a finger over the spine of the dragon that now covered half of Felix’s right arm.

Felix took Miguel by the arm, moving until he got a clear look. It was an eagle, wings spread. Felix said, “Ohh, look at that. A stereotypical tattoo! Proud of you.”

“Says the kid with a dragon.”

“Shut up and get the lube.” Felix shoved his jeans off, leaving them on the floor as he followed Miguel to the bed. The tattoo had distracted him, and he had let the mood taper off a bit. He wasn’t as urgent or impatient and Miguel clearly wasn’t. He caught the lube as it was tossed to him and stood there, waiting, until Miguel had shed his boxers as well, still hard.

Felix smiled brightly, leaned forward, and pushed Miguel with both hands, hard. He landed on the bed with an exhale of air and in another second, Felix was climbing on with him. Miguel spread his legs instantly, allowing room for Felix to settle between them. He had his fingers slicked and teasing at Miguel’s hole when the idiot sat up and said, “Should I lock the door?”

Felix blinked. “I… I don’t care?”

“I should lock the door.” Miguel was moving before Felix could stop him. He slid off the bed and headed to the door and the whole time Felix frowned at his back.

“You are killing my mood,” he said, raking his eyes over Miguel’s ass.

“Awh, sorry, dear.” Miguel flashed him a grin as he came back. He moved slowly, apparently not bothered by his erect cock. “Want me to make it up to you? Here, look.” He climbed back on the bed, grin widening as he caught Felix’s glare, and then positioned himself on his hands and knees. “Take me, baby,” he said. “Ravish me.”

Really, Felix was trying to be annoyed here. He had lube drying on his fingers, cool and slick, and Miguel’s disruptions were making his own erection begin to fade with every second that passed. But it was difficult to be angry when Miguel was presenting himself like this. Felix rolled his eyes, squeezed out a little bit more lube, and forced one finger in.

Miguel grunted.

“You’re annoying right now,” Felix said. He squeezed Miguel’s ass with his free hand, shifting closer so that his cock rubbed against the man’s balls.

“Just not in the same rush as you.” Miguel wiggled his ass as he spoke, and laughed when Felix smacked one cheek. He threw a look over his shoulder, still wearing that obnoxious grin. “I’ll behave.”

“Yeah, you’d better.” Felix slid in a second finger, watching as the grin melted off Miguel’s face. He was adjusting, Felix knew, to the added pressure and Felix wanted so badly to speed things up and add a third. He slid his hand up Miguel’s back instead, pushing him until he laid his chest and shoulders against the mattress. As much as he wanted to get to fucking Miguel raw right now, it was best to let the guy adjust, keep things good for them both.

By the time Felix had three fingers in Miguel, he was stroking himself with lube, readying to push in. Miguel had quieted, pushing back against Felix’s fingers and exhaling soft curses as he too grew impatient. He said, “Goddammit, Felix, come on…” and Felix started to ease in. He reached to hold onto Miguel’s shoulders, feeling the muscles tense beneath his hands.

And then, sitting balls deep in his drug dealer, Felix had a brilliant idea. “Y’know what,” he said. “I think I want to tie you up.”

He could feel Miguel sigh. “Really? When you’re inside me is when you decide this?”

Felix ignored him, pulling out and getting off the bed. There was a box under Miguel’s bed that held his sex toys and Felix was on his knees and reaching for it. When he stood with it, Miguel was sitting on his knees, twisted around so he could watch as Felix set the box on the bed and opened it. “Not gonna be anything intricate,” Felix said. Miguel had a few dildos, a coil of rope, and a whip among other things, but what Felix reached for a pair of steel handcuffs. “These should be good enough.”

Miguel considered the handcuffs, then Felix, and nodded. “Fine, alright.” He held one hand out for Felix to slap the first cuff onto. “Key is in a little pouch in there. Don’t lose it, yeah?”

“I’m not gonna lose a key,” Felix said. He paused, looked over Miguel and the bed, and then yanked the man up to his headboard. He had Miguel cuffed to the frame in seconds, then took the time to set the box on the bedside table and dig the key out.

Then, before he forgot the other part of his fantastic idea, Felix went to get his phone from his pants. He heard Miguel asking what he was doing, but when he turned back around, he had the camera focused on the bed. “You look good like that,” Felix said, smirking. “All ready and waiting for me to pound your ass.”

Couldn’t be a better way to spend his night. Tie Miguel up, take pictures of it. He could see Miguel grinning again as he snapped a couple of photos. It might not be as exciting as fucking in public, where someone could easily see them going at it, but pictures had the same effect. For Miguel, it was still enough to kick his exhibtionist side into gear. Just enough to make him enjoy himself with a little more vigor, be a little louder, a little more reactive.

He turned his head to watch as Felix slid into him again, eyes locking onto the phone in Felix’s hands. And Felix complied, taking more photographs of Miguel, of his cock in Miguel’s ass. It was their usual kind of fuck: fast and hard, only with Felix ramming into Miguel. After a bit, he set the phone on the bed, gripped Miguel’s hips, and sped up.

All he focused on was the feeling of Miguel around him, and the noises the man made.

Except when Miguel started to mutter things, softly, in Spanish. He had done it before, gotten so undone by Felix that when he spoke, it was in his first language instead of English. Right now it just made Felix remember Locus whispering Spanish to him while they were together. He fucked Miguel harder, watching Miguel’s hands clench into fists around two posts of the headboard, but all he thought of was Locus.

Locus’s skin, darker than Miguel’s. Longer hair, bigger build, more muscles. Locus was quieter than Miguel in bed, lots of grunts and groans and, aside from the Spanish, rarely any words. But he was reactive in other ways. Felix thought of how Locus’s hands would grip him so tight he left bruises, how when he was reaching his end, he would hold Felix tighter to his body.

Felix looked down at Miguel shuddering beneath him and reached for his phone. He flicked it on record, filming his cock pushing in and out of Miguel’s firm ass. His hand was in frame, squeezing Miguel’s hip, and he said, “Like that, babe?” just to have his voice on the film.

Miguel answered with a groan, and Felix coasted the camera up his back to catch the look in the man’s eyes. That expression, so clearly a sign that Miguel was close to orgasm, was just what the recording needed. He cut it, dropped the phone down again, and went right back to fucking Miguel. When he finished, Felix pulled out, jerking off until his cum splattered against Miguel’s ass. It was unspoken between them that he was allowed to cum inside Miguel, but this was better.

This, he could photograph.

He took the picture when he had pulled away from Miguel, standing at the edge of the bed. It included Miguel’s entire body, the desperate look he was throwing over his shoulder, but the focus was clearly the mess that Felix had left on him.

Miguel said, “What the fuck?”

Felix took a couple steps to the side, taking another picture. It mirrored the one he had taken before they started: Miguel waiting for Felix, but now he was desperate and breathing heavily and thoroughly debauched. Fantastic. “You look great,” Felix said. “Do you want to cum?”

Miguel groaned, lowering his head to the pillow. “Don’t do this right now, Felix.”

“That’s not an answer.” He wasn’t even looking at Miguel again, focusing on his phone. He was sending those pictures, and the video, to Locus. As proof that if Locus wouldn’t let Felix fuck him, well. He definitely had someone who would. The video took longer to send and in that time, Felix looked back at Miguel and smiled. “I can always let Locus decide if you get to cum or not,” he said, waving the phone in his hand.

Miguel raised his head again, eyes narrowed. In his lustful state, the idiot probably didn’t comprehend what Felix meant. He let out a burst of Spanish, grinding his hips, and his dripping cock, into the blanket. “Felix, please.”

“Please what?”

“Fuckin’ - Felix, come on.”

“Tell me what you want.” Felix was looking at his phone again as Miguel squirmed on the bed. Locus had texted back - a surprise, but all it said was for Felix to use a condom. He sent the last two photos with the note of  ‘too late’, and then placed his phone on top of the box of Miguel’s toys.

“I want to cum,” Miguel said quietly.

Definitely desperate. Felix’s gaze wandered over Miguel’s nude body down to his ass, and then reached with two fingers to swipe some of his cum off the man’s ass. He pressed them against Miguel’s lips and said, “Suck.”

Miguel’s lips parted obediently and he drew Felix’s fingers in, sucking around them greedily before his tongue slid between them. Felix ran his other hand through Miguel’s hair, smiling down at him; Miguel licked his lips when Felix took his fingers back. “That was strangely hot,” Felix muttered.

“Felix…”

Ah. Right. He had nearly forgotten. Felix leaned down to kiss Miguel’s forehead, then sat down on the bed beside him, reaching between his legs to grip his cock. It only took three strokes before Miguel came, muffling his cry in his pillows. Felix left him there to go wash the cum off his hands, sauntering back just in time for Miguel to start complaining about the handcuffs digging into his wrists.

After he was unlocked, Miguel lay on the bed for a while, breathing deeply. Felix sat beside him, naked, phone in his hands as he told Locus that, no, he would never be using condoms when Miguel was involved. He was in the middle of telling the asshole that he had no right to be demanding that anyway when Miguel spoke.

“What was that about Locus?” he said.

Felix looked over at him. “Hm?”

“You said something about Locus deciding if I got to cum or not.” The confusion on his face grew. “Wait, who is Locus?”

Felix grinned. “Remember the guy that broke your nose? That’s Locus. I sent him the pictures.” A pause. “And a video.”

Miguel pushed himself up on his elbows. “You took a video?”

“Yeah. Wanna see?” He was already exiting out of the text and bringing up the video instead when Miguel said that yeah, he did. Felix scooted close and held it in front of them both.

It ended and Miguel said, “Goddamn. I look like a slut.”

“You are a slut.” He was shoved for that, but he was already laughing. “Needy little bitch, wants to be fucked harder.” His laughter rose to nearly a howl as Miguel shoved him again, nearly throwing him off the bed.

“Shut up and order a pizza,” Miguel said. He tried to sound annoyed but he was smiling and there was a touch of fondness in his voice. “I’m starving.”

Felix listened, ordering the food on his phone as Miguel left to the bathroom to clean himself up. Before the pizza arrived, they both pulled on pants and relocated to the couch, since cum had dirtied up the blankets. It was quiet for a bit, before Miguel asked, “What are you doing next week?”

“Working.”

“You know what I mean. When are you off?”

Felix shrugged, throwing an odd look at the man. This shit again? He thought it had died since Miguel had gone so long without bringing it up. “I don’t know yet. Haven’t got the schedule.”

Miguel nodded, turning the TV on. “Let me know when you do, yeah?”

“Why are you so eager to know?”

“Got a plan,” Miguel said, throwing a smile in Felix’s direction. “And I want you there for it.”

Felix paused, frowning, but then he shrugged and forced a smile back on. Play up the charm, like always. Whatever Miguel had planned, it couldn’t be too bad. If he remembered, then, sure, he’d tell Miguel ahead of time when he was free.

For whatever the fuck was so important about the next week.

✹ ✹ ✹

For the next couple of days, Felix managed to avoid running into Locus. Sleeping with Miguel (and taunting Locus with pictures) had swept the bitterness out of him, but he knew they’d have to talk soon. And he really, really didn’t want to bring it back up. Part of him was hoping that if he held out long enough, the whole thing would just fade away. The next time he wanted to fuck Locus, he could bring it up better and they’d be nice and calm.

Except that was utter bullshit and he knew it.

So when he found himself staring at Locus in the middle of the parking lot, he didn’t leave. The sun was out, but hidden behind clouds, giving everything a dull glow. Felix stood there in the snow and the chill breeze and waited for Locus to come to him. The first thing Locus said was “You’re avoiding me.”

For some reason, all Felix could think was that Locus’s winter coat looked a lot warmer than his own. He wanted to drape it over his shoulders. After a moment, he said, “Was not.” A lie. “I just didn’t go looking for you.”

The cold didn’t bother Locus as much as it got to him and that was irritating. In this weather, Felix was quickly freezing even underneath his layers, but Locus just crossed his arms and stared down at him. “You don’t contact me,” he said, “for three days. Except to send explicit photographs and a video of you and that - that man - “

“His name is Miguel.”

“I don’t care.” Though his face was impassive, Felix was sure there was jealously somewhere in there. He’d only have to look for it. Locus said, “I don’t know why you thought that was necessary.”

Felix shrugged. He pushed his hands into his pockets. “If you’re going to force this conversation, can we at least go inside?” Never mind that he had actually been on his way out to meet someone. The girl in question was just a random he had picked up one night at a party, and she was getting to be kind of annoying. Clingy, almost. If Felix was going to put up with someone acting like they deserved his attention, it’d be the person he was in a relationship with.

He led Locus upstairs, where they opted for Locus’s apartment. Always someone at home, Felix said, whereas Locus had already said Grey was working. He might not mind others being in the apartment, but he knew Locus preferred for them to actually be alone and not shut up in Felix’s room where the noise of others could seep through walls.

Inside, Felix bent to untie his boots before crossing into the living room. He felt Locus’s eyes on him, an unwavering stare. “Pity you didn’t enjoy what I sent you,” he said, taking a seat on the couch. “Miguel certainly did.” He hadn’t meant for it be snide, to make Locus jealous, but the spark in the man was visible on his face.

Locus didn’t even bother to cover it up. The jealously wove through his face until all he wore was an irritated scowl. In an odd way, it was pretty hot, even if it did contort his features. He joined Felix, sitting next to him. “Why did you send it to me?”

“I don’t know.” Lie. “The idea just came to me.” A beat, then, with  Locus staring at him and waiting, Felix caved and gave up the truth. “In the moment, making you jealous seemed like a great idea.”

After that, Locus didn’t speak for several seconds. He trained that irritated scowl at the wall opposite them. It was without a doubt the most awkward moment Felix had ever spent in that apartment. Finally, when Felix was picking at a hole in his pants, Locus said, “I would rather you didn’t send me anything like that in the future.”

Felix nearly rolled his eyes. “Whatever you say, big guy,” he said. “It would help if you didn’t piss me off and send me running to Miguel.”

Locus’s response was near instant: “Why did you push it, then? If you had let it be when I told you to, you wouldn’t have run away.”

And this was what he’d been avoiding. Not the conversation itself, but trying to explain his own harsh reactions. Felix squirmed where he sat, crossing his arms and avoiding looking at Locus. “You aren’t the first guy to say no to me fucking them,” he said. It sounded stupid by itself, egotistical even, and before Locus could call him out for that, he kept talking. “Look, there’s this stupid mindset with guys, okay? Sometimes just found in people with a dick, so - they kind of - “ He paused, made a face. “You don’t really want to hear this, do you? Like, can we just skip this and go right to make up sex?”

Locus frowned. “Finish what you were saying.”

He groaned instead, sinking further into the couch. “If I do, are you gonna explain why you were so touchy?”

“Yes. It was my intention to tell you, after all.”

Felix said nothing for several seconds. A part of him would rather Locus find him egotistical then make him actually explain it.

He took too long to say anything, so Locus spoke again. “Felix. Whether you like to hear it or not, we are in relationship - “

“Oh, where the fuck is this going?”

“ - and with that in mind, communication is a must.” He cast a look at where Felix was attempting to disappear into the couch and sighed. “Even if it makes you uncomfortable to say what was on your mind then, it will help.”

Felix grumbled a curse. “When did you get so good at talking?” he said snidely. “I would have thought you and your people problems would have made this hard.”

A slight pause, then - “I had a talk with Grey.” He ignored Felix’s snort of derision. “She said it might be difficult, but it would also be best for us and our relationship to talk these things through rather than let negativity fester.”

“This is going to be worse than I thought, isn’t it?” He spoke to the ceiling and Locus didn’t deem that worth responding to. In fact, both of them fell into silence once again and Felix was certain that the big idiot was stubbornly waiting for him to talk first. He was also certain that Locus had a lot more patience than he did, seeing as he was already getting antsy and Locus had yet to move an inch. Felix groaned, an exaggerated noise of discomfort, and slid even further down the couch until his head rested on the back of it. “Alright! Fuck! _Fine._ ”

“It isn’t the end of the world,” Locus said, “to talk about your problems.”

“Yeah, yeah, shut up.” Felix paused, kicking his feet up on the coffee table. He picked at one sleeve of his jacket as he started talking again, avoiding Locus’s gaze. He spoke quickly, trying to get in the open as fast as possible. “There’s this stupid idea where guys - and other people, sometimes - think that since I’m small and short and so cute and charming, I’m going to be submissive. ‘Cause I’m usually the small one, right? And you wouldn’t believe how many people I’ve ended up with who refused to let me fuck them because ‘Oh, Felix, you’re too small. It’d be awkward’, or whatever bullshit they spewed.” He was frowning at his own hands. “Some asshole even dared to tell me my dick was too small ‘cause I’m Asian so I punched him in the face.”

That was off subject.

“Point is, I am no one’s submissive little bitch.” He chanced a glance at Locus to find those startling eyes focused on his own; he looked away immediately. “I’ve been through it enough that if you’re gonna be one of those guys - if you don’t want me fucking you because you have this idea that I’m always supposed to bottom and submit myself to you, then I’m leaving. It isn’t worth the goddamn trouble.”

He stopped before he started ranting. One of his legs had slipped to the floor and was now bouncing restlessly, nervous energy coursing through him. This wasn’t something Felix usually brought up with anyone because it usually sorted itself out. He’d either walk out of someone’s life, or have a new sexual partner who wasn’t a giant prick.

But Locus was right. This was a relationship. And even Felix knew he couldn’t cut and run - especially since he had already failed so spectacularly at that before. So here he was, facing issues head-on no matter how awkward.

It took a few seconds, but when Locus spoke, his voice was calm and controlled. “I have to admit,” he said, “that wasn’t what I was expecting.”

“Yeah? Fuckin’ great for you.” He shifted away from Locus a couple inches, fighting the urge to glare. Locus was still watching him with that careful blank look that Felix was starting to recognize meant the guy was anxious. Great. He said, “Well, there you go. I talked. Your turn.”

And, immediately, Locus looked away, tensing. Felix could have hit himself - anxiety, of course, and every word out of Felix’s mouth was layered in harsh tones.

Locus said, “It wasn’t you. It was the anxiety.”

Not a surprise.

“You have to understand,” he continued, “that this is what I have to deal with every day. The anxiety isn’t going to go away, and I’ve learned to work around it and lessen it whenever I can.” Here, he looked back at Felix; that blank look had been replaced with calm. “I need you to work with me as well, Felix.” A brief pause. “If this - this relationship is going to work, you have to work with the anxiety too.”

Felix made a face. “Fine. Whatever. Stop saying relationship.”

Locus’s face softened and he almost smiled. “Before,” he continued, “when I told you to stop, it was because of anxiety.”

“What does your anxiety not like about me fuckin’ you?” Felix asked.

“All of it,” Locus answered instantly. “Look, Felix… it took time for me to adjust to idea of sleeping with you in the first place. This is the same problem. I just needed the time to get used to it.”

Past tense. Felix grunted, planning to come back to that later.

Locus was still talking, about his anxiety attacks now. He insisted it was important enough and that it tied into their argument. And, also, that he wanted Felix to understand this. “They aren’t predictable,” he said of the attacks. “I can’t control them. And, sometimes, it’s difficult to speak. Very difficult.” He said he had stopped Felix before because the anxiety was that high, that Locus had to withdraw and try to calm down before continuing anything. “I didn’t want to have another attack. Especially not one where I wouldn’t be able to speak and tell you to stop. So I stopped you before it got too bad.”

Felix’s irritation was waning as what Locus was saying sank in. All he managed to say was, “Oh.” Compared to all that, Felix’s own issues seemed kind of stupid.

After he finished, Locus had stopped talking. His sudden silence gave the impression that every word he had spoken up until then was pre-rehearsed. Not a surprise if Locus had been preparing to have this conversation.

Felix scrambled to say something before the silence could become too filled with tension. Unfortunately, all he came up with was, “I was a gigantic dick to you. Wow.”

Locus laughed - that quiet, rumbling laughter that Felix had always enjoyed. He laid a hand on Felix’s thigh, squeezing briefly. “You were. But I understand why now.”

“Sure, but you - “ He paused, frowning. “Christ, Locs. I, uh… Sorry, man.” The hand on his thigh squeezed again and, after a slight hesitation, Felix rested his hand on top of Locus’s. Without missing a beat, Locus released his leg, turned his hand over, and laced their fingers together. Maybe it was supposed to be reassuring, but all Felix could do was stare at their hands and think that he had been so close to doing something terrible.

The quiet in the room was killing him; he wished he had at least thought to turn the TV on before they talked. Locus shifted beside him, pulling his hand away. The next second, Locus had Felix’s face in his hands, forcing Felix to look up at him.

Locus kissed him, and it was soft and gentle and Felix hated how he melted into it.

They parted and Locus said, “I’m sorry for the things I said to you then.” It took a few seconds for Felix to understand what he meant, and by that time, Locus was speaking again. “After what you’ve told me, I should have known better.”

“It’s fine,” Felix said. He wasn’t looking at Locus’s eyes - pretty sure that, if he did, he’d be stuck. Have to look at those gorgeous eyes and another affectionate stare. “I mean, I know, like… I know you didn’t mean it, so it’s fine.”

“It isn’t.”

“Locus.”

“Look at me, Felix.”

He sighed, then met Locus’s eyes. Exactly what he’d thought - nothing but affection and so much care in that look.

“I won’t ever hurt you,” Locus said softly. His fingers were tracing over Felix’s cheekbones. “I never want to hurt you.”

What a big fucking promise. Felix felt his face heating up and jerked away. “Yeah,” he said. “Okay. Point made.” This had gone so far beyond just talking about their issues. What the fuck made Locus think that was even necessary to say? He glanced back, intending to ask just that, but when he met that damned stare again, Felix kissed Locus instead. He tried to make it just as gentle as the one before, and it was a relief when Locus picked up on that.

Locus kissed slowly, winding an arm around Felix and holding him tight.

Locus made him feel like nothing else mattered.

✹ ✹ ✹

In the upcoming days, Locus was faced with a problem he had never considered. On the ninth of February, Grey cornered him in the kitchen. She was grinning, devious and wide, and Locus immediately wished he were some place else.

She said, “So… What are you getting Felix for Valentine’s Day?”

Just like that, Locus felt his heart stutter. His grip tightened on the glass he held and the bemused stare he had focused on his roommate turned sour. He hadn’t given any thought to Valentine’s Day. Even though he and Felix were in a relationship, it hadn’t crossed his mind. He said, “That isn’t any of your business.”

Grey pulled back an inch or two, shrugging. The grin faded to a smile. “Ah, come on,” she said. That eternal cheerfulness hadn’t changed. “You asked me for advice, like, last week. I just want to make sure it worked!”

“Felix and I are fine.”

“And?”

Locus said nothing. He wished she’d move.

Seconds passed before Grey sighed, rolled her eyes. “I have told you this a lot, but what I do, I do out of the kindness of my heart. I want you to be happy, Locus, and not for you to hide in your room, like you do when you’re sad.”

Locus frowned. “I do not hide.”

“Of course not!” That grin was back. Grey took another step backward. “Sorry. But when you’re in that room, you don’t do anything but get grumpy and snappy, and then you’re no fun to talk to.”

“You aren’t encouraging me to talk to you.”

It took another minute to get Grey to back away, and she did so with an exaggerated pout and a sigh. In another beat, she was smiling again, reaching to place one hand on Locus’s arm. “Alright, grump. I’ll leave you alone. Just wanted to let you know that I’ll be out of the apartment for the thirteenth as well as the fourteenth.” A wink that had Locus’s frown deepening. “Just don’t leave a mess, ‘kay?”

Locus shook her off without a word, rushing past her and her brilliant smile. Tension wound up his shoulders; his grip on his glass was still too tight. He shut the door with his foot, never breaking stride as he walked stiffly to his desk. Locus set the glass down, pulled out the chair, and sat down. His laptop was on, a textbook lying open to one side of it. He looked at the bright display of the paper he had been working on, then heaved a great sigh and leaned forward. His elbows hit the table, and then Locus was holding his face in his hands and trying to breathe steady.

Grey hadn’t meant anything by it, he knew that. But sometimes it didn’t take much, and then Locus was angry and lashing out while his mind spun in torrents and the anxiety curled around his spine. Currently, he sat with his eyes closed to stop himself from glaring at nothing.

Valentine’s Day had never occurred to him. It should have, but it hadn’t, and now he was left with such a short time to figure out what to do. If he would even do anything. Schoolwork was going to be impossible; even if Locus took another pill, he’d spend the whole time staring at the laptop and not really seeing anything. No matter what he did, he would think of this and not be able to shake it.

It haunted him for the next two days, following him through his classes like a hulking demon and bursting to fiery life in Felix’s presence. Sure, over a course of minutes, Felix would coax the demon away but it was there and waiting.

What was he to do here?

Did Felix expect anything?

Locus took Felix to a movie on the eleventh and thought back to that night on the rooftop. That had been a romantic gesture, so perhaps it would be perfectly alright to arrange something. On the twelfth, Locus was looking at an expensive restaurant’s menu and wondering how much it would cost him when something struck him.

That night had been instigated by Felix. It was his idea, his wish. He had said it was a romantic gesture, and Locus had appreciated it, but that didn’t necessarily mean Felix wanted the same back. Felix had already said that he didn’t like romance.

Maybe it was only alright if Felix was the instigator. What if Locus planned something grand and Felix didn’t like it afterall? If Felix left him at a restaurant or threw flowers back in his face with a scoff, he’d have an attack, he was sure.

The thirteenth arrived and Locus was back at square one when Felix bounded through the front door. He wore layers, flannel peeking out beneath that leather jacket of his; his jeans were torn, heavy boots on his feet, and he was grinning widely. It drew his dimples out. Felix looked at him with bright, wide eyes and said, “Locs!”

Just one word and it was vibrating with excitement. “What is it, Felix?” Locus had been sitting in the living room, reading calmly while a movie played in the background.

He wasn’t surprised when Felix invited himself onto the couch, pressing against Locus’s side. Up close, the glee had his eyes glittering. “Can’t stay long,” he said. “Got plans. But! I got tickets to this movie premiere next weekend. Wanna go?”

Knowing what types of movies Felix preferred, Locus was wary of the offer. He eyed Felix, that wide grin, and said, “What movie is it?”

Felix laughed, his grin giving way to the familiar smirk. “It’ll be a surprise,” he said.

“That doesn’t sound like a good thing.”

“Nah, it’ll be great.” He was already so close, but Felix pressed himself even tighter, snaking an arm around Locus’s shoulders. At this point, the only thing preventing him from crawling in Locus’s lap was the book Locus still held. “Come with me, Locs. It’s a midnight showing on a Friday, so you got no excuses. I got the tickets, you can pay for the food. Maybe I’ll suck your dick in the dark theatre.”

“Felix.”

“Joking. Chill.” Felix’s fingers were in Locus’s hair; he was trying to pull the tie out. “So, you’ll go, right?”

Locus sighed. He reached up to pull Felix’s arm from his neck, holding Felix by the wrist. Really, he should think more about this, but it was rare for Felix to ask. “Alright,” he said. That grin was back on Felix’s face in a second. “Remind me when it gets closer.”

Felix surged forward and kissed him, squeezing one of Locus’s thighs. “Fantastic,” he said when he pulled back. “You’re gonna love it, trust me.” He was rising off the couch as he spoke- “and I will totally give you warning.” He bent over to kiss Locus on the cheek. “Like I said, gotta go. I’ll catch you later, yeah?”

Before he could get away, Locus reached out and snagged Felix’s wrist again. Felix’s eyes widened slightly and his grin faded just a touch. “Where are you going?” Locus asked.

“Ah, just off somewhere with Miguel.” He shrugged, standing tall. Locus’s hand fell back to his lap. “He was pretty, like, adamant about it, y’know? Wanted me to spend my day off with him but it shouldn’t be too different from usual.”

Though he had no idea what was ‘usual’ for those two, Locus had an idea of what this was about. Somehow, Felix had managed to avoid making the obvious connection that Valentine’s Day was tomorrow. And that this Miguel, having been charmed and seduced, wanted to spend his time with Felix. Sure it was a day early, but as Felix said - this was his day off. This was the only time he could devote an entire day to Miguel.

Felix was still talking: “Like, we’ll probably get dinner? There might be a party, maybe he’ll drag me with him while he goes to deal, but nothin’ too big.”

Jealously was skyrocketing with every word Felix spoke. This drug dealer was going to monopolize Felix’s free time, take him from Locus for an entire day.

And this was because of Valentine’s Day.

Where Locus had been scrambling to decide what to do, what Felix would appreciate, Miguel had swept Felix off his feet and made plans. Locus was glaring by the time Felix finished speaking. He thought of that dealer, with his cocky grin and how he thought he could touch and hold Felix. How he would, no doubt, sleep with Felix and draw those beautiful, needy whines and moans forth. Locus thought of Felix shaking under that man’s touch, of the small blissful smiles that Felix gave after sex - and today, that luxury would be given to someone else.

Felix was turning, taking the first steps back to the door, when Locus rose from the couch. He grasped Felix’s shoulders and spun him around, ignoring the indignant expression and whatever Felix was saying now. It was an impulsive decision, but Locus couldn’t let Felix walk out that door to someone else so easily.

Locus gripped Felix’s shoulders tightly, leaning down and kissing him. It cut Felix off mid-sentence, led to a startled muffled noise, but he was kissing back in seconds. By the time they separated, Locus was holding Felix’s head, fingers dug into his hair. Felix was breathing heavily. He said, “Christ, alright. That your version of a goodbye kiss now?”

The only answer Locus gave was another kiss, deeper and more intense than the last. Felix gave another muffled noise, his hands curling into Locus’s shirt. More followed, open-mouthed and insistent. Locus wound an arm around Felix, pressing one hand into his back as the other held stayed where it was, fingers pulling slightly at Felix’s hair. Each time they parted, Felix tried to speak. “Locus,” he said once, “you - “

That was cut off shortly, Locus not wanting to hear whatever he had to say. He wanted to keep Felix here, yes, to kiss him and hold him and make sure that Felix wouldn’t go running off. The pace they had fallen into was working. Felix was clutching at his arms now, kissing back eagerly.

The possessive need for Felix to stay grew when they parted again and his hands slid off Locus’s arms. He stepped back, forcing Locus to let go of him, and said, “Why aren’t you like this when I don’t have plans?”

Locus growled, reaching for Felix again. “I don’t care about your plans.”

Felix’s eyebrows rose and he smirked. “Oh, really?” He came forward when Locus pulled, letting Locus tug him close. “I’m still gonna go. I already told him I’d be there.”

Locus frowned. He didn’t trust himself to speak, sour words already burning his throat. Instead, he took Felix’s wrists, forced his hands around his waist. Felix stared up at him, smirk fading into momentary confusion. But then, with Felix’s palms resting on the slight curve of his hips, Locus watched that smirk flicker back to life.

“Awh, Locus,” Felix crowed. “You are adorable.”

“Mm.” He hadn’t go of Felix’s wrists, staring down at him.

Felix leaned closer, easing his hands further; Locus let him, let his own hands drift up Felix’s arms. Shortly, Felix’s hands were in his back pockets, squeezing, and Felix’s mouth was attached to Locus’s neck. To encourage him, Locus angled his head, wrapping his arms around Felix tightly. One hand went to his hair, keeping Felix’s attention where it was. The other clung to his back underneath the jacket and flannel layers, low enough that Locus could feel the waistline of Felix’s jeans brushing against his fingers. He couldn’t bring himself to go lower, to actually cup Felix’s ass.

When Felix hummed against his skin, when a tongue ran over part of his neck, Locus hissed and his hands tightened. “You’re so tempting,” Felix murmured. The hands in Locus’s pockets released, moving just to slide under the pants and over his boxers. Felix hummed again, an obscene sound when coupled with his groping touches. He lifted his head from Locus’s neck, looking up at him and kissing him lightly. “Don’t think I ever got the chance to mark you up real good, did I?”

“No.” This was working. If anything would get Felix to stay, it was the invitation of sex. “You could now.”

Felix sighed and Locus felt the air brush his lips. “Mm, Locs. I’m not sure.” He looked like he was deliberating, thinking, and Locus closed the gap and kissed him again. Another long kiss, where Locus let Felix into his mouth. At the same time, Felix tugged his hips forward and slid one leg between his. Locus parted just long enough for each of them to breathe, and then kissed Felix again - and again. He moved his hands to Felix’s face, tracing over his jaw, his cheekbones, memorizing how Felix’s face felt to his fingers.

And Felix made those quiet, pleased noises, kissed harder. He didn’t notice as Locus started to edge backward, guiding Felix slowly across the living room. Felix was too focused on kissing, groping, squeezing Locus and biting at his lip. Halfway to the door to his room, Locus stopped to catch his breath, pressing Felix close to him. He could see Felix lick his lips, spot the glint of metal in his tongue, and feel the slight hardness against his leg.

Felix said, “I could stay a while,” in a quiet, hurried voice.

Locus almost smiled. He stepped backward far enough that Felix’s hands were pulled away from him, but then he took Felix by the hand and turned, pushing open the door to his room and yanking Felix inside. As soon as the door shut, Locus had Felix against the door and in another second, he was lifting Felix by the waist.

They were right back to kissing immediately. Felix’s legs wrapped around his waist, hanging on tight. Locus dug his hands into Felix’s hips as Felix twisted his hands into Locus’s hair, pulling the tie loose. They kissed until Locus felt the pace was getting to be too much, that it would make sex too intense.

As soon as Locus pulled away, Felix commanded, “Tell me to stay.”

Locus stared at him. Their groins were pressed together, and Felix’s growing erection so close to him was getting to be distracting. “What?”

“Tell me to stay.”

“Why?”

“Because that’s what you want,” Felix said. He traced Locus’s jaw with one finger. Despite the swollen lips and flushed cheeks, he managed to look arrogant. “I want to hear you say it.”

There wasn’t even a moment of hesitation. “Stay,” Locus said. “Stay with me.” He managed to choke down the last bit - _you belong here_ \- and let Felix go, let his feet drop to the floor again.

He was leading Felix to the bed, walking backward, when Felix said, “You could ask.”

Locus’s knees hit the bed. “I won’t,” he said, sinking down.

Felix came with him, perching in his lap and pressing his hands to Locus’s chest. “A shame. I bet that’d be nice. You could say, for instance, ‘Felix, my love, please won’t you stay with me? It’s all I desire, and’ - _mm_. “

Locus kissed him again to shut him up. Slowly, Locus ran his hands down Felix’s clothed back before he pulled away to help the leather jacket off. Felix tossed it onto the desk and then the flannel went with it. Felix kissed his cheek then, pulling away to untie his boots, urging Locus to strip as well. He chattered while they discarded their clothing, mostly about how he couldn’t stay too long after they had sex. He had, he said, already messaged Miguel a time he’d be there. And he could lie, of course, weave some story about why he was being late.

If he was too late, he said, Miguel would be suspicious.

Locus had never cared less for Felix’s voice. As soon as they were both naked, he was back on the bed and pulling Felix next to him. Instead of more kisses, Locus rested back against the headboard, running his hands over Felix’s arms, his chest, anywhere he could reach easily. “You’re calm,” Felix said, climbing into Locus’s lap. He sat with his knees to either side of Locus’s hips, his ass on Locus’s thighs. Their cocks brushed and Locus twitched. “Like, calmer than I thought you’d be for all that kissing, y’know?”

He didn’t. “Does it matter?” he asked, running his palms over Felix’s full thighs.

Felix pulled his hands away, laced their fingers together. “I dunno. I was kinda expecting you to fuck me into your mattress.” He grinned. “Fuck me until I scream your name. That kinda sex.”

That wasn’t what he wanted. He only wanted Felix here, to be able to touch Felix and see him in ways others couldn’t. To make Felix understand that this is where he should be, this is where he should stay. That there wasn’t really a need for anyone else. And sex had been the best option to prove that point. Locus could give everything Felix wanted, in any way Felix wanted.

He said none of that. “And how would you mark me if I was to do that?” he asked. “I could take you from behind, yes, pound you into the mattress as you said. But you’d have no angle on me.”

Felix laughed. “Yeah. Yeah, true...” He let go of one hand, walking his fingers down Locus’s body until he could grip his cock. His eyes were focused on Locus as he stroked once, twice, a smile forming as he did. “Suppose I could ride you,” he said. The strokes were replaced with his thumb rubbing at the head of Locus’s cock. “Could easily mark you up that way.”

Locus ran his free hand over one of Felix’s thighs. The attention on his cock was getting him hard quickly. “If you wish,” he said quietly.

Felix nodded. A second later, he blinked, the smile fell, and his hand froze. “Hey…” he said. “What about…” He paused, chewing on his lip. His eyes skated down Locus’s body and back up. “What about me fucking you? You’re alright with that, aren’t you?”

That he wasn’t expecting. It wasn’t a bad idea, now that Locus had gotten used to it. To the thought of giving himself completely to Felix. He rubbed his thumb over Felix’s thigh, gazing up at Felix sitting in his lap. At Felix watching him, looking down at him. He could do this. Slowly, he took a deep breath, raising their still interlaced hands to his lips to kiss Felix’s knuckles. “Yes.”

The smile was growing on Felix’s face again. He released Locus, leaning down to kiss him; it was soft but insistent, reminiscent of the forceful way Locus had coaxed him into staying. He ran his hands down Locus’s chest and when he broke the kiss, he was laughing quietly. “This’ll be great,” he said. “I can make you feel so good, you’ll see. Might even be the best sex you’ve ever had. I wouldn’t be too surprised, I mean, it’s me.”

Locus had both his hands on Felix’s thighs. He hummed quietly, running his palms over to Felix’s backside, squeezing his ass. “You could get on with it,” he said. “Instead of rambling.”

Felix leaned back further, his hands pressing into Locus’s chest and keeping him on his back. “Don’t be rude,” he said, “to the person who’s about to fuck you wild.” He ignored the unamused look Locus gave him, wiggling his hips in Locus’s lap. “So. How do you want it?”

He wasn’t sure how to answer that. It was obvious that Felix meant sexually, but all Locus could think was how much he wanted Felix to stay here.

After a few seconds, Felix leaned forward, planting his hands on the bed by either side of Locus’s head. “Locs,” he said, “I asked you a question.”

“I want to see you,” Locus said, voice quiet. He ran his hands over Felix’s back as he spoke, digging his nails in as he dragged his hands down. Under his touch, Felix was tensing. “And touch you.”

At that, Felix’s smile grew. He shifted, rubbing their cocks together as he did. “We can do that,” he said. “Definitely. You can stay on your back then.” The desire in his eyes was bright. He pushed up, then moved off of Locus, reaching for the bedside table. As he pulled the drawer open, he talked - pointless chatter about how missionary was usually pretty tame, but he could make it better - and then he was back at Locus’s waist. “C’mon, babe,” he said. He held the lube in one hand, condom between two fingers. “Spread your legs for me.”

Locus raised himself up on his elbows just to look Felix in the eye. “You’re talking far too much,” he said.

Felix grinned. He dropped the lube and condom to the bed beside them, tapping at Locus’s leg with his other hand. “Ahh, want me to stop talking? Then spread your legs. We can get started.” A pause, where he tracked his eyes down Locus’s body and back up. When he continued, his voice was lower, “God, I can’t wait to see you come undone. Watching you shake underneath me” -he laid his hands on Locus’s thighs, thumbs brushing over sensitive skin- “it’s going to be so amazing.”

If he was honest with himself, Locus would admit that he was not completely ready for this. As always, the looming anxiety was present, gnawing at him with every word that dropped from Felix’s mouth. But watching Felix, seeing the excitement growing on his face in tandem with his lust was enough. Just enough to let Locus ignore the anxiety for now, enough to let him lie down again when Felix’s hands pressed at his shoulders. He slipped an arm around Felix, pulling him in for another kiss; he could feel Felix’s hunger in the kiss, in the hands that still gripped his arms tightly.

Against his lips, Felix said, “I’ve wanted this for so long.” He pulled away just far enough to bite lightly at Locus’s collarbone. Still talking. His breath eased over where he’d just bitten. “I’ve wanted you, like this.”  One of his hands was back on Locus’s leg, rubbing at his inner thigh. Each touch felt like sparks.

“I could fuck you raw,” Felix said quietly. After another bite, he leaned back, finally settling between Locus’s legs and practically beaming down at him. “Would you like that, Locs?”

He had taken Locus’s cock in his hand as he spoke, stroking slowly, teasing. It was distracting, and Locus was tempted to just let the growing desire overtake him, let Felix do as he wished. He only had to imagine it for a second, the hard and rough type of sex that Felix was hinting at, and anxiety exploded in his chest. He looked to the ceiling immediately, gripping Felix’s thighs tighter As Felix began to stroke him faster, twisting his grip, Locus said, “Felix - “

“Yes, baby?”

Locus took hold of Felix’s arms, forcing him to let go of his cock. He didn’t look at Felix as he spoke. “Be gentle.” For some reason, his face was heating up. He felt Felix shifting, felt bare skin brush against his thighs, and heard the quiet sigh Felix gave. That old fear, once buried, was resurfacing - maybe Locus wasn’t good enough. Especially since Felix had that dealer to toy around with.

The thought of that man morphed Locus’s anxiety into the jealous flames that had taken over earlier. He let go of Felix to sit up again, moving his legs to properly accommodate the person between them. “I don’t want rough sex,” he said quietly, taking Felix’s face in his hands. Whatever the anxiety tried to say, Felix was here and he was going to stay here. With Locus. Where he should always be.

Felix was talking, naturally. “Alright, babe. You really did pull a one-eighty here, though, with all that possessive shit? ‘Stay here’ and all that.” He was grinning still, bright and beautiful. “That makes me want it rough.”

“Felix.”

“No, look.” He pressed his hands into Locus’s hips. “If you say gentle, I can goddamn do gentle, okay? It’ll still be the greatest fuck of your life.” Fingers were inching underneath his hips, and a moment later Felix was forcing his legs up. Locus let his hands fall to the bed, and Felix’s voice dropped. “Trust me, Locs, okay?” he said. “Just let me take charge and I’ll give you just what you asked for.”

He wasn’t going to argue, not when Felix was kissing him a second later. He laid back when Felix asked, spread his legs wider at Felix’s insistence. Felix’s hands were touching and teasing, warm and soft; his lips brushed over Locus’s neck and jaw. He said, “Relax,” against Locus’s skin and pulled away a moment later. Locus didn’t move, watching as Felix took the lube in one hand and then training his gaze back on the ceiling.

Felix said again to relax, running a hand over Locus’s side in a slow, soothing motion. It was working, in a way. At the very least, it offset the cooler fingers pressing against his hole. Felix was watching him, a smile woven onto his face - a pleasant sight, if not for the sudden pressure of a finger inside him. Unsurprisingly, Locus found that he couldn’t make eye contact while this was happening, couldn’t even bring his arms up to touch Felix. He gripped the blankets beneath him, trying to ignore the anxious monster that sought to ruin this.

When Felix pushed in a second finger, he lifted one of Locus’s legs at the same time, draping it over his shoulder and hunching forward. He hovered over Locus now, the hand on his side stilled. Felix’s eyes darted over his face and Locus locked eyes with him for a moment. Just long enough for Felix to say, “Are you alright, Locs? You sure this is what you want?”

Locus said, “I’m fine.” On some level, he appreciated Felix asking, but most of his attention was drawn to the fingers still moving inside him, slow and gentle.

Felix was still watching him and Locus wished he would stop. Or that he would sit back up, disappear from Locus’s line of sight. Felix said, “You’re sure?” and a frown cut across Locus’s face briefly.

“Felix.”

“I just wanna make sure - “

“I’m fine, Felix.”

For a moment, it looked as if Felix would still argue, but a smile flashed over his face and he closed the distance between them. Locus let his eyes close, feeling himself sinking into the feeling of Felix everywhere - Felix lips, soft as they kissed; the hand still on his side, Felix now tracing slow circles into his skin; the heat coming off of Felix’s body. A third finger was pushed into him suddenly, forcefully, and Locus gasped. In that same instant, Felix slipped his tongue into Locus’s mouth. Between the steady, deep kiss and the fingers still pushing in and out of him, spreading him open, Locus was quickly feeling the desire overwhelm him.

Felix didn’t break the kiss until they were both yearning for air, and even then, as he caught his breath, he was sliding his lips over Locus’s neck. Instantly, Locus angled his head back further, feeling teeth sink into his skin.

The leg hoisted over Felix’s shoulder was starting to ache. The odd angle of one leg being up and the other still on the bed was detracting from the rising heat coiling through him. Locus growled when Felix bit down harder, shifting underneath the smaller person and trying to find relief for the ache.

Felix lifted up from him. “Ready?” he said, waiting until Locus nodded. He smiled, placed a small kiss on Locus’s forehead, and withdrew. “It’s cute that you don’t wanna speak.” He slid his fingers from Locus, lowering his leg to the bed. He was reaching for the bedside table again as he spoke. “You can speak, right? Like - ?”

“Just hurry up,” Locus growled. The longer Felix took, the easier it would be to lose interest in sex. And if he lost that, the anxiety would likely replace it.

“Impatient,” Felix snorted. He settled back down between Locus’s legs, ripping open the condom swiftly. “Really want my cock that badly, do you?”

Locus released a deep, heavy breath. He was not going to do this. He didn’t want to hear Felix talk like this - taunting him, teasing him. “Don’t do that,” he said, still looking at the ceiling. He felt Felix moving closer, their thighs pressing together.

“Don’t do what?”

“Don’t - “ He stopped, clenching the blankets in his fists and hissing. With no warning whatsoever, Felix had pushed his legs further apart and began to push in. The sudden pressure was almost overwhelming - a part of him blamed Felix for not communicating, another blamed himself for not watching.

Felix caught on quick at least, stopping and sliding his hands over Locus’s sides. “Hey, hey, baby, shhh.” His voice was soft, yet demanding. “Look at me, Locs. You gotta look at me and for fuck’s sake, man, relax.”

Locus looked. Felix, sitting between his thighs, cock barely inside him. “A warning,” he said, “would have been nice.”

At that, Felix laughed. “Suppose that’s my fault.” His hands were still moving, rubbing over Locus’s tense muscles and down to his hips. “But, seriously, Locs, you gotta relax. It’s almost like you’ve never done this.”

“I have.”

He shouldn’t have to say it, but something about Felix commanded it. To let Felix know that he wasn’t one of those men that never submitted was important.

“Yeah, I figured.” Felix was gripping Locus’s hips, lifting him up. “If you hadn’t, this would be really awkward.” He paused, glanced over Locus, and asked for him to let go of the blankets. Felix said to touch him, and Locus listened. He set his hands on Felix’s shoulders, running his palms down his arms lightly; it was still difficult to look Felix in the eye. “That’s good,” Felix said. “I’m gonna move your legs, alright? Make it easier.”

Locus almost asked what would be easier, but he got the answer soon enough. He ended up with both his legs hanging over Felix’s shoulders, his hands sliding down to Felix’s chest as Felix once more hovered over him. One of Felix’s hands was still on his hips, the other pressed into the bed by Locus’s head. When he pushed in again, it was slow and forceful and his weight pushed against Locus. His first few thrusts were long and drawn out, hitting Locus deep before he pulled out.

He stayed close enough that their breath mingled, close enough that Locus couldn’t help but meet his eyes. “See?” Felix said. “I can do gentle.” His hands were wandering from Locus’s ass up his legs and back down, but his gaze was rooted, caught in Locus’s eyes.

“Stop talking,” Locus breathed. Felix laughed quietly, and Locus shuddered at the breath hitting his skin..

He was grabbing Felix with heavy, steady hands, relaxing underneath him even as Felix picked up a touch of speed. The steady rhythm Felix had set wasn’t what Locus would have called gentle. There was almost too much speed, too quick. The force of his thighs hitting Locus’s hips had too much force, a slight punch to each thrust.

It wasn’t what he would have chosen, but he couldn’t think of telling Felix to stop. He let his head fall back on the pillows, eyes closing again. It was easier this way. He couldn’t see Felix, but he could pay more attention to the hands sliding over his sweaty skin, to the feeling of Felix so close. Like this, Locus could grip Felix tightly and feel the heat rising within him, pooling in his gut, as it rose with every push of the cock inside him.

And then, suddenly, Felix slowed down, nearly stopping. Locus’s eyes flew open, focusing on Felix’s face. “What,” he said between heavy breaths, “are you doing?”

Felix was staring down at him with a quizzical look on his face. He shifted, pushing their hips flush together - Locus could swear he felt Felix’s cock throb inside him and it made him groan. “I just - Like, Locs, you, uh - “

“Felix, what is the problem?”

This, whatever it was, had Felix moving so slow it was irritating. Locus had finally won over that persistent anxiety, had let the rush of sex power through him. He just wanted it to continue. For the feeling of Felix surrounding him to build until it burst, until he found release at Felix’s hands.

Felix shifted again, and Locus’s legs slid down with a jolt to the crook of his elbows. “You - you really are good, right?”

Locus stared at him.

“I’m not doin’ anything wrong, am I?”

“Are… are you serious?”

Felix was frowning now too, a mirror image of the irritation Locus felt. “I just want to be sure you’re okay,” he said. “You’re the one who said sometimes you can’t speak.”

“During an attack.” He was trying very hard not to lose his temper over this. It should have been such a nice sentiment, but all it did was annoy Locus. “I’m not having an attack.”

“Locus - “

Locus reached up, grasping Felix by the back of his neck and nearly unbalancing both of them. “I am fine,” he said slowly, each word worn with annoyance. “All you’re doing right now is annoying me.”

Felix scowled. His hands were still on Locus’s legs and his nails dug in sharply. “Fuck, man. Fuckin’ forgive me for trying to be nice.”

He almost asked how stopping in the middle of sex was ‘nice’, but instead he said, “Asking once is fine. Asking once will give me a chance to stop if I need to. This was not necessary.” He loosened his grip on Felix’s neck, rubbing his fingers over Felix’s skin lightly. “Why would you think you should stop to ask this?”

Felix’s nails were still digging into his legs, his eyes still burning. “Just wanted to make sure,” he said.

It would be so easy for the moment to escape them. Too easy. All it would take was letting Felix keep talking, and it would unwind quickly into a deep conversation. Locus didn’t want that. He refused to let this keep spiraling down, so when Felix started to continue, Locus pulled him forward. He kissed Felix harshly, exactly as he had earlier, with all the force he could. Felix gave in quickly, parting his lips to let Locus into his mouth, whining quietly. He pulled back but kept Felix close, pressing their foreheads together. “You had better finish what you started,” he said.

Felix laughed, a sound that eased Locus’s lingering irritation. “Point made,” he said. He slid out of Locus just enough to push back in, pressing tight against Locus’s hips. “Back to fucking. Talk later?”

Locus kissed him again, repeatedly, until Felix had fallen quiet. He laid back once again, letting Felix pull his hips up higher, bend him at the waist, and thrust into him with a little more force. And Felix latched onto his neck, biting and licking in between harsh breaths and soft curses. Locus lost himself to all of it, but most of all to the feeling of Felix inside him, pressing against all the right spots.

It was a brief surprise when Felix pulled one of his hands away, weaving their fingers together. He didn’t rise from Locus’s neck, sucking harshly over a spot he has just bitten. Locus squeezed back, digging his fingers into the back of Felix’s hand as deep groans were pushed out of his throat. Their skin slid together, sweaty and slick, and Locus’s cock rubbed against Felix’s stomach with every thrust, every movement.

He gripped himself as Felix moaned into his neck, muttered curses and, “God, Locus, you’re so good.”

Locus didn’t trust himself to speak, wasn’t sure what he’d say, but he let out another rumbling groan, arching his back into Felix’s next thrust. That slight movement earned another moan from Felix, soft praises dropping from his lips constantly. He raised up eventually, eyes sliding down to Locus’s cock, watching as Locus stoked himself. Slowly, Felix dragged his eyes over Locus’s body. “You’re fuckin’ amazing,” he said, leaning down to kiss Locus softly. His hand squeezed Locus’s own tighter. “Goddamn beautiful.”

He didn’t talk much after that, speeding up again until Locus shaking under his touch. He watched Locus with dazed, lust-filled eyes. The knowledge that Felix was watching was enough to bring Locus close to edge; the unwavering thrusts, Felix’s cock pushing into that one spot, over and over again - that was what finally brought him over. Locus came over his own hand with stuttered groans, clenching Felix’s hand in his, squeezing his cock in the other.

He heard Felix say, “Goddamn,” on a breath, and then felt electricity sparking down his spine when Felix pounded into him faster. Aftershocks of pleasure lit his nerves on fire, making Locus tremble as Felix came as well.

As he finished, Felix released his hand and then slid out from under Locus’s legs. He didn’t pull out right away, lowering himself to Locus’s chest and lying there as each of them soaked up the afterglow. Slowly, Locus wrapped an arm around Felix’s middle, keeping him close even when the heat of him threatened to be unbearable.

This was perfect. They could stay like this for hours and Locus wouldn’t care. He had Felix, had given himself to Felix, and this pleasant atmosphere was the reward.

Too soon, Felix was struggling out of his grip, sitting beside Locus. He grinned - a lazy, self-satisfied look. “Y’know,” he said, his voice soft, “I didn’t want to sound like a bad porno, but you were seriously so fucking tight.”

Locus snorted. “Don’t ruin the mood.”

“The moods over,” Felix countered. “We had amazing sex - and it was what you wanted, yeah? Nice and gentle.”

He didn’t argue that. There wasn’t a point. Some day, he would show Felix what he really meant by gentle. “Lay back down,” he said.

Felix pulled the condom off his cock with one hand, touching his stomach with the other. Some of Locus’s cum had splattered onto him. “Don’t you wanna clean up?” he asked. “Cum is fuckin’ awful when it dries on you.”

With a sigh, Locus agreed and pushed himself up, following Felix into the bathroom to clean up. In there, he drew Felix close and kissed him. It was slow and lazy, and Locus ran his hands slowly down Felix’s back to the curve of his ass. He pulled Felix out of the bathroom and back to the bed, ignoring Felix’s quiet protests to sit back down and tug Felix with him.

“I have to go,” Felix said. “Remember that?”

Locus grunted, tightening his grip on Felix and pulling him close. After that orgasm, a part of his furious jealousy had faded but it was still there. He would rather not be reminded of Felix’s plans. As Felix protested again, Locus laid back down, yanking Felix down when he tried to get away.

“Locus! Seriously?” Felix squirmed, his naked body tense under Locus’s arms. “Let me go.”

Locus hummed quietly. “Stay,” he ordered. He laid his head on Felix’s shoulder, tucking his nose in the crook of Felix’s neck and breathing in the scent of him. Sweat, sex, and the distinct smell of soap and cologne that lingered on his flesh.

“I got plans.”

He responded to that by holding onto Felix tighter, forcing a leg between Felix’s own. His cock pressed against Felix’s thigh and he sighed, relaxing against the smaller person. Despite Felix’s protests and whining and cursing, he had an arm around Locus in seconds, fingers toying with Locus’s loose hair. Lying there, feeling Felix breathing, it was incredible. Calming.

“I’m going to leave,” Felix said. His fingers were scraping against Locus’s scalp. A surprisingly nice sensation. “You being cute and cuddly isn’t going to change that.”

Locus kissed his throat.

Felix fell silent then. His fingers still played with Locus’s hair, his other hand resting on Locus’s shoulder. The contact between them, so much naked flesh touching, made everything warmer. Even Felix’s hands, usually so cool to touch, were warm.

It wasn’t long before Locus was drifting to sleep as he breathed in Felix. He would have been asleep if Felix’s ringtone hadn’t shattered the quiet. It came from somewhere on the floor, wherever Felix’s pants had been discarded, and Locus very quickly lost the fight to keep Felix to him. He watched Felix hurry to his jeans, pull the phone out, and then listened with growing dislike.

It was that dealer, he was positive. Felix said, “Yeah, I know. Time got away from me. I’m still coming, absolutely,” and that nailed it in. That dealer, persistent in taking Felix away from Locus, had to make himself known.

Locus watched as Felix redressed, listened as he spoke into his phone, as he told his dealer that he would meet him downstairs. He was frowning when Felix finally hung up and turned back to him. Felix pulled his shirt on with a smirk. “Awh, cheer up, Locs,” he said. “I’ll be back over here tomorrow.”

When he didn’t answer, Felix came back to the edge of the bed, leaning over to kiss Locus. The short-sleeved shirt he wore showed off the stark dragon inked onto his arm and Locus wished he could strip Felix down again, memorize the new pattern on his skin and fall asleep with Felix in his arms.

Instead, Felix pulled on his flannel layer, the leather jacket, and then he was gone.

Locus fell back on his bed with an annoyed noise. He didn’t have the energy to put up another fight - Felix really had drained him of energy - and he fell asleep shortly, lying under the blankets. He dreamt of Felix and the stars, of planets colliding in Felix’s eyes.


	5. say your prayers (x3)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> incredibly sorry about the delay. had a bit of a slump that was different to get back out of, but i think i'm on the way to writing often again. 
> 
> this chapter is split into five smaller scenes, each taking place in a different month.   
> it bridges from winter to summer and sets up the next important events.
> 
> pardon any small errors.

The time he spent with Miguel was casual, light hearted, and just like their usual shit. Exactly what Felix had expected. It was early afternoon when he left Locus’s apartment, nearly three when they made it to Miguel’s place. And then they ended up on the couch where Miguel pushed Felix into the cushions and kissed him hard. 

They did a lot of kissing, for whatever reason. Kisses at Miguel’s place, kisses in his car, at the movie, at dinner. Normally Felix would have expected sex thrown in, but after having Locus just before meeting Miguel, he didn’t mind that it never came up. If Miguel wanted to kiss him and run his hands over Felix’s body in public, that was fine. 

The only thing different from usual was when the waitress at the restaurant told them they were cute boyfriends. Felix paused, eyebrows raised, and looked at Miguel. 

Miguel smiled at him, looked at the waitress and said, “Thanks. He’s adorable, isn’t he?” 

Felix snorted then, hiding his grin behind the menu. It wasn’t worth correcting the waitress, especially not when Miguel was feeding her more bullshit. When she walked away, he looked over at Miguel and said, “If I’m your boyfriend, where’s my Valentine’s Day gift?” 

Miguel laughed and the topic died. 

Later that evening, the fucker actually bought a bouquet of roses from a shop in the mall. He presented it to Felix with a flourish, a crow of “For the best boyfriend ever.” 

Absolutely ridiculous. Felix accepted it with a grin, leaning up to kiss Miguel. People were watching, and it was hilarious that anyone thought he would ever be with this idiot. 

All in all, not a bad day off. He went home happy and satisfied, and a little high on weed. Just enough to make sure he spent the last couple of hours awake in a good, relaxed mood. He fell asleep with Netflix playing from his gaming console, curled up naked underneath his blankets. 

In the morning, he left for work at ten and focused on having a good evening with Locus whenever customers buying last minute gifts pissed him off. How anyone expected him to know what the current stock of candy and flowers looked like when he was working electronics was a fucking mystery. 

By the time he made it home, Felix was tired and wanted nothing more than to relax. It was freezing cold outside and the allure of blankets and hot chocolate was almost too strong. If it was any other day he might have skipped out on Locus and played games or something. But this would be his first Valentine’s Day, like the first real one. The first one where he was in a relationship with someone that actually meant something. 

If he was being honest with himself, Felix was a tad nervous about it. Also excited. Mostly excited. He didn’t know exactly what the protocol for a proper Valentine’s Day was, but he was sure that it couldn’t be too bad. He wouldn’t be the one to fuck it up, at least.

On top of all that, he was feeling a bit jittery, like he had to stay active and moving. Part of him blamed it on nerves. He was sure that if he laid down, he’d be back on his feet in minutes, so he busied himself making cupcakes instead. They were from a box, sure, but they were sweet and hopefully the cold wouldn’t sap the warmth from them when he went next door. Each one was topped with vanilla frosting and he even drew little hearts on them with chocolate. He put them all on a plate, ten in all - it had been twelve but he had eaten two while frosting them - and headed for the door. 

By now, Locus had to have had enough time to prepare whatever he had planned for tonight. So Felix didn’t bother texting that he was coming over, just fought to hold the cupcakes and open the door and then trooped across to Locus’s door. He knocked by kicking the door and was bouncing on his heels when Locus opened it. 

Felix grinned. “Hey,” he said, holding up the plate. “Made cupcakes.” 

Locus let him in. “I can see that,” he said. Pots sat on the stove behind him, the smell of meat and spices hanging in the air. “Dinner’s almost ready. Just a few more minutes.”

“Yeah?” He raised the plate in his hands. “Have a cupcake while we wait, then.”

“Shouldn’t it be dessert?”

“They’re warm right now, Locs. Gotta eat them when they’re warm.“ He refused to set the plate down until Locus sighed and picked one up. Then he put it on the kitchen counter, hopping up beside it, and snagged one for himself. His third one so far. To Locus, he said, “Valentine’s Day dinner?” 

Locus had set his remaining half of a cupcake next to the stove, turning back to the food to stir it. “Yes,” he said. “I assumed you would like something to eat.” After a moment, he glanced back at Felix, a flicker of amusement crossing his features. “You seem much more happy about this holiday then I thought you would be.” 

Felix shrugged. “Never had an actual Valentine’s Day before.” He licked frosting off his fingers and considered stuffing the rest of the cupcake in his mouth at once. “I mean, obviously people have given me things before, but it was like. Chocolate and cheap things. And those people were never in a relationship with me.” 

At the stove, Locus made a small noise, turning his attention once again to the food.

Felix shoved the rest of the cupcake in his mouth because, hey, what the hell. By the time he had swallowed that, Locus was ordering him off the counter and handing him a plate of food. He took it gladly, and continued where he had stopped talking. “Like, in high school? My friend would give me shitty cards and chocolate and we’d go blow something up with cherry bombs. But that’s not a real Valentine’s Day, is it?”

All Locus said was, “You engaged in too much vandalism as a child.” 

“Yeah, very funny.” He slid into a seat at the table and smirked as Locus took the one beside him. “I’ll have you know my life of petty crime is not as bad as you think it is. It has, in fact, been lacking lately.” 

Locus threw him a look. “You’ve been murdering lately,” he said. “I think that makes up the difference.” 

“Possibly.” It was still so odd to hear Locus reference the murders so casually that Felix momentarily stalled for what to say. He speared a chunk of meat - pork, he thought - and spun it through the vegetables on the plate. “Also, I was not a child in high school. I was, like, sixteen when we blew shit up. That’s not a child.”

He could almost hear Locus rolling his eyes “My apologies.” A beat. “You are a child now, though, whether you were in high school or not.” 

Felix scoffed. “How can you be this rude? It’s Valentine’s Day. You’re supposed to be nice to me.” Whatever qualified as nice right now. Locus didn’t really respond, just smiled and kept eating, so the conversation faded. It didn’t disappear entirely because Felix couldn’t stand the silence right now; every so often, he would say whatever he thought of first and sometimes Locus would answer. Sometimes he wouldn’t, so Felix would babble to himself for a bit. 

After they ate, and after Felix hounded Locus to finish his cupcake from earlier, they moved to the couch. It was, in essence, exactly like every other time they were together in the apartment. Food, then couch and dumb TV. Tonight, Locus said Felix could pick so he flicked through channels until he found a romantic comedy. It was fitting for the day. 

“Are you going to be quiet during this?’ Locus asked. He had an arm around Felix, strong about his waist, pulling him close. 

Felix let him. “We’ll see,” he said.  It was a movie he had seen before, but it was mildly amusing so he didn’t mind watching it again. Especially not with Locus beside him, warm and solid and just a really nice presence. 

Less than half an hour later, Felix was squirming into Locus’s lap, arms around his neck. He kissed Locus softly at first, but then Locus had his arms around him, squeezing him tight, and the next kiss was deep and slow. It lit a fire in his veins and reminded him of why exactly this whole day was making him nervous. He squirmed in Locus’s arms, breaking the kiss to take a breath. 

Locus ran a hand up his back, gripping the back of his neck. He said nothing but the look in his eyes was heavy, filled with affection, and Felix swallowed thickly. He pushed at Locus’s shoulders until he let go, sliding back to sit beside him. 

On the TV, the movie had reached the couples’ second date. 

Felix said, “So,” and gripped the edge of his shirt, toying with the hem. 

“Are you alright, Felix?”

“Oh. Yeah, yeah, totally.” He looked at Locus, then back at his hands. “I’ve just… been thinking lately. About us and… y’know, how I said I wouldn’t mind a label.” He paused then, but Locus wasn’t saying anything. A hand landed on his thigh, Locus running his thumb in small circles over the fabric of Felix’s pants. Felix looked back at him then, catching and holding his gaze. “I think,” he said quietly, “that I could call you my partner.”

Again, Locus was quiet.

Felix felt his heart speed up. The stupid idea that it wasn’t a good choice took root. “ ‘Cause then, it’s like… what kind of partner?” he said, forcing a grin to his face. “Business? Romantic? Partner in crime? No one will know. It’s good, I think. Don’t you think?” 

A smile crossed Locus’s face, so small it was hardly visible. He reached for Felix’s face, drawing him in for another slow kiss. As they parted, he whispered, “Partner’s good,” against Felix’s lips. 

Felix grinned. He could have said something more, something that fit the moment, but it was getting too suffocating for his tastes. Too many feelings involved. It was much easier to ignore the ache of his heart, to surge forward and kiss Locus again. So easy to bury any emotions with the feeling of Locus holding onto him, the taste of the man. He wound his fingers into Locus’s shirt tightly, refusing to let him back away. 

This close, their breath mingled when they parted. He could see how Locus’s pupils were blown wide, how those beautiful eyes flickered over his face. It didn’t help quell the ache inside him so he shut his eyes and kissed with more force, more hunger, more desire. 

It helped that Locus was giving him control, matching the heat of the kiss as Felix dictated it. His arms curled around Felix’s back, one hand gripping his waist, the other curling into his hair. Locus held onto him, lowered him carefully onto his back on the sofa. He whispered Felix’s name as he broke the kiss, hands sliding underneath Felix’s shirt and against his sides. 

Felix shifted, maneuvering his legs to fit Locus between them. “Don’t talk,” he said. “Go back to kissing me. That’s nice.” 

Locus was smiling. For a second, Felix expected to speak, but all he did was lean forward and press his lips to Felix’s throat. One of his hands went to Felix’s hair, pulling his head back and making Felix hiss. The next second, he was sucking a mark into Felix’s skin. 

Felix set his hands on Locus’s shoulders, squirming. The pressure of the couch was at his back, Locus on top of him. Every time he moved, he ground his groin against Locus, and he knew he’d be hard shortly. “Locus,” he said, “you’re a tease.”

Against his throat, Locus rumbled a laugh. 

“Fuckin’ asshole.” 

Locus was biting at his neck now, teeth pulling. He pressed their hips together when Felix hissed again. And that was it, for a minute longer. Locus leaving marks on Felix’s skin, kissing over his throat and biting while Felix squirmed restlessly and hissed out curses. When Locus bit under his jaw, by his ear, Felix let out a strangled groan. 

“You’re doin’ this on purpose,” he ground out between gritted teeth. Locus responded with a harder bite and Felix shuddered. “Fuckin’ - c’mon, Locus.” 

He didn’t expect Locus to pull back from him, but then he was looking at a very smug smile. “Why is it you get to talk?” Locus said. “You order me not to.” 

Felix huffed. “ ‘Cause you’re a tease?” 

“I haven’t any idea what you mean.”

“Shut up. Take my pants off already.” Touch his cock. Fuck him. Do something because Felix was riding on so much adrenaline now. “Valentine’s sex, come on.” He tugged at Locus’s shoulders to urge him on, but Locus leaned away from him instead, standing from the couch. It took another second for Felix to understand: the bedroom. Always the bedroom. He hurried after Locus, a grin lighting up his face. 

Neither of them bothered to turn the television off, and the muffled sound followed them through the walls. 

In the bedroom, Locus had him pinned to the bed in seconds. Felix would have preferred to shed some clothing first, but he wasn’t going to fight how Locus was kissing him or how good it felt to be held down like this. When they parted for air, Locus asked, “What would you like me to do?” 

Felix had his hands in Locus’s hair, working on pulling the tie loose. “Anything you want,” he said, breathless. His heart was hammering into his ribs. “Fuck, Locs, you can eat my ass so long as you fuck me after.” 

“That depends entirely on how clean you are,” Locus said. He winced a bit as Felix yanked the tie out. 

“I can’t tell if you’re serious or not.” 

“Does it matter?” 

It didn’t. Once Locus let up, Felix eagerly shed his clothing, tossing it onto the floor before reaching for Locus to do the same with his. He only got Locus’s shirt off before Locus pushed him back, told him to lie still. He tugged Felix to the edge of the bed, and in another second, Felix’s legs rested over his shoulders as Locus kneeled before him. He kept still for as long as it took to feel Locus’s tongue against his hole. 

He had said it as a joke, but now he was wriggling against the bed, clenching at the blankets as Locus teased at him. Hands on his hips kept him from shoving his ass into Locus’s face, but it didn’t stop him from squeezing his thighs around Locus’s head. If it bothered him, Locus said nothing. He licked over Felix’s hole, never entering no matter how loud Felix cursed at him.

Finally, Felix groaned and said, “Fuck, Lo - Locus, please. F-Fingers…” 

Locus listened and slowly eased two fingers into him. The stretch was almost too much at once, the burn intense without lube - but it was so good, so much more than Felix had imagined. Locus’s free hand went to one of his thighs, urging Felix to stop holding him down so tightly. Once Felix let his legs go slack, Locus raised his head. He took several deep breaths as he pushed Felix’s legs back down. He ordered Felix as he moved - “Stay.” - and Felix complied with a huff that trailed into a whine. 

Seconds later, Locus was back on his knees before Felix, applying lube to his fingers before sliding them back in. And Felix sighed, bringing his legs back to rest over Locus’s shoulders. He didn’t expect the tongue at his cock, sliding over the piercings in his shaft. Paired with the fingers inside of him, rubbing against just the right spot, the feeling of Locus licking over his cock left Felix whimpering and shaking. 

By the time Locus raised up again, Felix couldn’t stay still. He was shifting his legs where they hung over Locus, squirming his whole body and making a mess of the blankets. Locus ran his hands up Felix’s sides and even that had him wriggling, trying to keep the contact and find more at the same time.

Shakily, he said, “Please… Fuck me…” 

Locus listened. He laid Felix’s legs back on the bed and shed his pants and underwear before he retrieved a condom from the bedside table. Felix shuffled back on the bed while Locus climbed on, rolling over. He was planning to be on his stomach, to get Locus to press him down again, but Locus grabbed his hips and stopped him. 

He laid on his side when Locus pushed into him. The pace Locus set was forceful, his hips slamming into Felix’s. An arm locked around Felix’s waist, holding him in place while Locus fucked him hard; Locus’s mouth latched onto his skin, the crook of his neck and his collarbone, leaving kisses while he moved. His other hand was holding onto Felix’s thigh, keeping his legs open. 

Felix moaned and whined, shifted in Locus’s grip even as Locus fucked him harder. He couldn’t speak, all words melting together into nonsense and curses. And soft exhales of Locus’s name, pushed out of him with every powerful thrust. 

When he came, it was over his own hand and Locus stilled long enough for Felix to pull his hand away from himself. Then he was rolled, pinned to the bed as Locus pounded into him. Felix whimpered, clenching handfuls of the blanket beneath them. Every punch of Locus’s cock was lightning along his sensitive core, but he loved it. He arched his back, raising his ass for Locus and smiling to himself as he felt Locus reach his end. 

He laid there for a while after, Locus’s fingers running up and down his back. Dimly, he was aware that his cum was drying and he should move but all he managed to do was sigh deeply. 

Behind him, Locus said, “Happy Valentine’s Day.” A pause, brief, where Locus kissed his back. “Partner.” 

Felix almost laughed. “Don’t be a sap,” he said. Slowly, he rolled over, his back pressing against Locus’s chest, turning his head to face Locus. They were close, and Felix could have kissed him. Instead, he said, “Where’s my gift, by the way?” 

Locus frowned, eyes flicking away from him. “I… wasn’t sure if you wanted to celebrate,” he said carefully. “I’m afraid I didn’t get you anything.”

Felix snorted. “That’s rude. I made you cupcakes.” He didn’t mention how he had cooked them just to keep busy. 

“And I made you dinner.”

“But I came up with partner.”

Locus regarded him with amusement. He had his arm around Felix’s middle again, holding him. It should have been uncomfortable, but it wasn’t. “Was that your gift to me?” he asked. “Giving us a label?”

“Yes?” 

Locus kissed him, slow and gentle. “You’re ridiculous,” he said when he pulled away. “But I will accept it. Thank you for the gift, partner.”

Felix made a face. “Stop saying it. You’ll kill the meaning.” All he got for that was Locus making a soft noise, pressing his face into Felix’s neck. It was clear he was done talking. For once, Felix decided he didn’t mind a post-orgasm cuddle. Maybe for a little while, at least, he would stay here in Locus’s arms and relax. First, though - “For the record,” he said, “I like gifts. Buy me things.” 

“Quiet now,” Locus muttered. He sounded like he was falling asleep. 

Fine. Quiet. Felix sighed, squirming a bit in Locus’s grip before relaxing. He laid a hand on Locus’s arm around him and let his eyes close. It was still too early to sleep, but a nap like this was appealing. His last thought before he fell asleep was that if this was what Valentine’s Day was like, he could get used to it. 

✹ ✹ ✹

February passed rather quickly. Locus attended his classes, wrote his papers, and lamented the fact that he only had one class with Washington this semester. He had to work to balance school, Felix, and smaller things such as the gym, but it was becoming easier with each day. In fact, the most difficult part of February - once Valentine’s Day was over and done with - was the movie Felix dragged him to that weekend. 

Of course it was a romantic comedy. That close to Valentine’s Day, what else would it be? Locus had let his mind wander while Felix sat beside him, attention rapt on the screen. Over an hour of a movie that he quickly lost interest in, and then Felix was grilling him after about his opinion on it. When Locus couldn’t find a single interesting thing he remembered, Felix sat in the car and frowned the entire way home. “I take you out,” he had said, “and you don’t even fuckin’ care. Worst date ever.” 

By the next day, Felix was fine and made it a point to say he had forgiven Locus for ‘the movie incident.’ 

The rest of the month passed quickly. Only twice did Locus find himself thinking of Felix during class, of how good it was to call him partner. Both instances happened after Felix had spent the night, on days when Locus left Felix to sleep in his bed when he left for classes. The sight of a tired Felix with messy hair was proving to be too cute for Locus to send him away and he had always been sure it would be a problem. He just hadn’t expected it to leave him distracted in class.

That was how it was, though. Felix persisted in being a distraction and Locus found he didn’t mind. February faded into March, and Locus laid awake one night and thought of Felix. It was nearly two in the morning, he had classes early, and yet he wasn’t sleeping. 

In the quiet and the dark, Locus saw Felix against his closed eyes - images of Felix as he had looked that day, his smile and that grin that drew out his dimples. Felix, with tousled hair and red cheeks from the cold, excitement glittering in his eyes as he rambled about his plans for his day off. Locus recalled all of it, including the sound of Felix’s voice glowing with that same excitement, and then let his mind wander with it. Let himself conjure up whatever memories of Felix possible. 

He hoped it would let him sleep, that some part of his mind would give in just by thinking of the irritating person. Instead, he laid there and thought of how Felix had gotten more color put into the phoenix tattoo on his back, how it stood against his pale skin. That very quickly became Felix, naked and smiling in that sharp, coy way of his. Locus cracked his eyes open to the remembered pressure of Felix settling into his lap. 

He could feel his cock hardening, and sighed. There was a choice here: he could ignore it and let his exhaustion pull him under, or he could give in to it. Most nights, he would choose the first option, especially when he was as tired as he was now. 

It only took a few seconds for Locus to shift where he lay, rolling over and reaching for the bedside table and the lube. Not even a minute before he was sliding a hand into his pants, gripping himself loosely. It took a moment’s concentration and then Locus closed his eyes as he thought about Felix in his lap, on his cock, clutching at him. He recalled the soft noises Felix made at the start, the hazy look in his eyes as he fucked himself on Locus’s cock. 

Locus stroked himself to the memories of Felix, lingering on how it felt to have Felix so close to him, to be inside Felix. 

And then how it felt to have Felix inside him, Felix thrusting into him. His grip tightened, breath catching in his throat, as he held onto that feeling, that particular sensation that had flooded him then. Felix had had him again a few days ago, laid Locus on his stomach and fucked him hard. Locus remembered the feeling of Felix’s hands on his shoulders, sliding down his back; the tickle of Felix’s breath on his neck before teeth had sunk into his skin; the moment when, shaking and reaching his end, Locus’s hand had been batted away from himself and Felix had taken hold of him instead. 

Locus groaned, the soft praises Felix had told him then ringing through his head. He came easily, spilling over his hand. As the memories lingered, Locus caught his breath and then, slowly, left the bed to clean himself up. 

The memories would leave in time, he was sure. Perhaps now he’d even be able to sleep. 

Minutes passed, however, and Locus lay in bed still, curled on his side. Felix still danced around his head, though the memories had once again changed - now it was Felix smiling, Felix sleeping in Locus’s arms, Felix holding onto him at night. It was almost always a disruption to his work when Felix demanded attention, demanded affection and to be held, but Locus never told him no. He set aside his work, sat down with Felix, and would typically read while running his fingers through Felix’s hair. 

His chest ached and Locus let out a long breath. He thought dimly that, if Felix were here beside him, it would be easy to gather his partner in his arms and then, quite possibly, he’d drift off with no problems. 

Eventually, he did begin to drift off, and then he awoke again with a realization he couldn’t shake. Locus sat up, ran his hands through his loose hair, and stared into the darkness. 

He had thought to himself, at the cusp of sleep, of how much he loved Felix. And he didn’t think he could deny it. 

Locus was in love with Felix, and the most irritating part of it was that it had kept him awake half the night. 

✹ ✹ ✹

Felix spent March doing the same old thing he always did. Work, hang out with Locus, go to parties and drink, get high with Miguel. Typical everyday bullshit. Around the middle of the month, he had a date with Locus, conveniently arranged on his day off. 

All they were doing was going out to eat, to a steakhouse that Felix had nagged Locus about for two weeks. It was a fairly expensive place - not, like, formal or anything. Just steak. Nice, well cooked, expensive steak. And Locus hadn’t wanted to pay for all of it, so now Felix was going to reimburse him for half the bill once his next paycheck came in. 

But this place being such a nice restaurant meant that Felix was absolutely going to dress up for it. He spent two minutes staring at his closet, eyes flicking over his wardrobe, and dimly wondered if he should tell Locus to dress nice too. In the end, he decided two things in quick succession: the first was that Locus was smart and should know that an expensive place meant nice clothes; the second was that there was no way in hell Felix was wearing pants. He snatched a rather nice dress out - a light, pastel thing with a soft layer underneath its folds. 

In the shower, he shaved his legs and then took his sweet time standing around in the dress after. Partly because Tucker had banged on the door and demanded that Felix leave, but also because he just looked so damn good. It fell just past his knees, which meant none of his thighs showed. A shame, but he could work with that. 

He did his hair in the bathroom as well, using Sister’s products that were stored under the sink. He only opened the door when she knocked on it, yelling through, “What the fuck are you doin’? It’s been, like, two hours!”

“Has not,” Felix called back. He threw open the door to grin at her. “I got a date, babe. Gotta look nice, y’know?” 

In three seconds flat, Sister had looked him over, grinned widely, and said, “Oohh! Let me do your makeup!”

Felix raised his eyebrows. “What, seriously? I was just gonna put on the dress, and, like - “

“Nah,” Sister said. “You gotta have nice makeup too. Let’s go.” She snagged his arm before he could protest, yanking him out the bathroom and back to his room. Any makeup Felix owned was in a box on his desk, and as Sister headed straight for it, he took a seat on the bed with a sigh. No getting out of this now. 

And, really, it wouldn’t be so bad to be all made up. 

Sister talked while she worked, which was pretty normal for her. She never did seem to stop talking. Usually that made for good conversation, but she refused to let Felix speak right now. He fought that just long enough to protest the use of foundation - “Not a lot, alright? Locs likes the freckles.” - and then quickly regretted it when a wide grin split her face and she cooed about how  _ adorable _ he was. 

Felix scowled and got a light smack on the face for it. “I’m not cute,” he said. 

“You’re fuckin’ adorable, dude,” Sister said. That grin hadn’t faded, her eyes bright. “You and your dude. Your man. Your boyfriend.” 

He said, “He isn’t my boyfriend,” without hesitation.

Sister smacked him again, harder this time. “Shut up. I told you not to talk.” Oh, but  _ she  _ could talk. A nonstop, rambling, one-sided conversation that spanned from Felix’s small makeup collection to how they should totally go shopping together. Even touched on upcoming parties, if Felix wanted to throw one, and then she was asking if he wanted to borrow one of her scarves. Felix had his eyes closed for this, letting Sister apply eye shadow. Her hand patted his face briefly and she said, “Yknow, to hide your Adam’s apple.” 

Yet another thing Felix hadn’t considered. He just hadn’t wanted to wear pants today. Five minutes later, he found himself standing in Tucker’s room, trying on scarves as Sister handed them to him. Tucker sat on the bed, watching the two of them with a frown. 

As Felix adjusted a dark gray scarf, Sister clapped a hand on his shoulder. “Remember to pitch your voice,” she said brightly. “You can still do it, right?” 

“ ‘Course I can.” It had been a while, but it was easy. Couple months after he moved in, Sister had taught him how to pitch his voice in a more feminine manner, how to pass as a girl. Just in case he had ever wanted to. He suspected it had something to do with his ease of wearing skirts and dresses. 

Sister grinned. 

From the bed, Tucker said, “I still don’t get why you’re doin’ this in here. You got a room.” 

“Sis’s scarves aren’t in my room,” Felix said. He caught Tucker’s eye in the mirror and winked. “I know you’re used to me bein’ here when we fuck, but I’ve got someone else in mind for tonight. Sorry.” 

Tucker’s face contorted in anger and Felix snorted. “Fuck off, Felix,” he snapped. “She doesn’t - “

“Hmm?”

Beside him, Sister’s grin had widened. She looked between the two of them and started laughing. “Oh my god! Are you fuckin’ serious? You two fuck? Why didn’t I know about this?”

“Yeah, Tucker.” Felix picked at the edges of the scarf, pulling it up a bit higher on his neck. “Why didn’t you tell your girlfriend you’ve been fucking someone else?” 

“This is hilarious,” Sister said. 

Tucker looked like he was fuming. Felix smirked at him. “Yeah, and what about you?” he asked. “You told your boyfriend anything you do?” 

“First: not my boyfriend. Second: it’ll come up one day.” He was sure it would. Probably when Locus brought it up. 

To the noise of Sister’s laughter and Tucker’s angry retorts, Felix pulled the gray scarf up and tried on a deep blue one instead. It clashed with the pastel of the dress and Felix pouted before picking the gray one back up. He would have liked some color, but aside from asking Sister to pull out every single scarf she owned, this one would have to do. It had a fringe to the edges, and it rested nicely against his chest. He spun around to face them, said, “Alright, then. With that revelation on your shoulders, I’m good here. Thank you, Sis. Enjoy drilling Tucker for details. I’m sure you’ll have as much fun as I do when I fuck him into that mattress.” 

He was halfway out the door when Sister stopped him “Oi! If Locus isn’t your boyfriend, what the hell is he supposed to be?” 

Felix paused. Stared at them both. He didn’t have to say anything. “He’s my partner.” 

He left back to his room with Sister’s giggles following him down the hall. Once there, he checked his phone - a message from Locus, three minutes ago, asking if Felix was ready; he texted back that he was good to go - and then promptly pulled on a pair of boots. Not his usual heavy boots. These were sleek, with a bit of a heel to them to give him an extra inch of height. He pulled his leather jacket off the desk chair, shrugging it on and shoving his phone in his pocket before leaving the room. There were still flecks of blood at the edges of the sleeves. Looked like paint, really. Felix entertained himself by picking at one spot while he leaned against the kitchen counter and waited for the knock at the door. 

When that knock did come, Tucker and Sister were milling around in the kitchen. Tucker, still fuming, had his head in the cabinets, searching for something to eat. Sister was watching as Felix strode to the door and opened it with a smile. On the other side of the door, Locus stared at him, eyes trailing down Felix’s outfit. He cleared his throat, said, “You’ve, uh… you’ve dressed nicely.” 

Felix grinned. He leaned closer to Locus, changed his voice just slightly - just as he had been taught to by Sister - and said, “Like what you see?” 

The tension in Locus’s shoulders was visible now. His dark skin may have worked wonders at hiding any blushes, but Felix knew by now that that expression on the guy’s face meant he was flustered. It was as adorable as ever. And a good stroke to Felix’s ego. He stepped from the door to Locus’s side in one large step, slamming the door behind him. At Locus’s side, Felix linked their arms together. “C’mon, baby,” he said. “Let’s go. You owe me dinner.” 

Without missing a beat, Locus said, “You’re paying me back.” 

Felix huffed, tightening his grip on Locus’s arm as they started toward the stairs. “Keep that up and I won’t let you fondle me under the table.” 

“I wouldn’t have done that anyway,” Locus said. 

Felix was sure that was true, but only because of that damn anxiety. Anyone else would be eager to touch him in public. He let go of Locus at the car, sliding into the passenger seat. Before Locus had even started the car, he said, “Glad you dressed nice, by the way. Would have felt pretty fuckin’ ridiculous if I dressed up and you didn’t.” 

Locus gave a quiet noise. He wore dark colors - of course he did, what else did he own? - but the slacks and the jacket fit him nicely. Almost looked professional. It suited him. “I do know how to dress for a date,” he said lowly. “As much as it may surprise you to hear it, you aren’t the first person I’ve taken out for dinner.” He set a hand on Felix’s knee, over the frills of the dress. The warmth from his touch was nice after the chill from the cool night. 

“But none of those people ever looked as good as me.” 

A brief pause, Locus’s hand tightening on his knee. “Your ego is astounding,” he murmured. 

Ah. Shame. For a moment, Felix had thought tonight would be one of the times where Locus entertained those comments. Still - dinner, both of them looked nice. Despite the cold it was a pleasant night, clear skies and a light breeze. They parked at the restaurant, and as soon as they were out of the car, Felix latched himself to Locus’s side. He changed his voice for the host, laughed softly when he called them a cute couple, and didn’t let go of Locus until they were led to a table. 

Felix crossed his legs at the knee under the table, like a proper lady would, and smiled at Locus. He encouraged Locus to order for him by a well-placed kick to the shin and a nod at the menu. And it was appreciated that he asked about ingredients but Felix really couldn’t see how a steak would include either peanuts or dairy. 

When the waitress was leaving, she said, “It’s cute that you order for your girlfriend, y’know.” She paused when Locus’s brow furrowed at her words, and quickly added: “Oh! If it’s okay for me to say. I don’t want to intrude or - “

Felix cut her off. “It’s fine.” He offered her a pleasant smile, nudging Locus with his foot again. “He’s just… shy.” 

The waitress’s easy smile returned and she nodded, left to put their order in. Once she was gone, Felix turned back to Locus with a wide grin. After a moment, Locus said, “...What?” 

He kept his voice pitched - didn’t see a reason to keep switching back and forth. Plus, wouldn’t want anyone to hear his actual voice. That’d ruin the fun. “She called me your girlfriend,” he said. 

“Yes. She did.” Locus was still frowning. The big guy didn’t care for people assuming Felix was a girl. “I don’t see why this makes you happy.” 

Felix shrugged. The waitress came by, dropped off their drinks, and Felix didn’t speak until she was gone. Glass to his lips, he said, “People never think I’m a girl. This is fun.” 

They fell quiet then for at least a minute. Felix was rubbing the toe of his boot against Locus’s leg when the man spoke again. He said, “Why?” 

“Why what?”

“Why does this amuse you?”

Felix blinked. Obviously, Locus wanted the whole truth, but all Felix said in response was; “Oh, y’know how it is. Gender things.”  He watched Locus frown and sigh, but only smiled over his glass. There was no goddamn way he was getting into that shit tonight - hell, he’d prefer for it to never come up. Did it really matter if he enjoyed being seen as a girl for once? 

And this was not the first time (probably not the last either) that Felix was grateful that Locus wouldn’t push. Sometimes he prodded and demanded answers, but when it really mattered - when his being insistent would have pissed Felix off - he let it go without a fight. Like a weird sixth sense. Of course he couldn’t say any of that so as they talked about their days and how Felix hated work and how Locus was enjoying his classes, Felix continued to nudge at his leg with one foot. 

If the table had had a cloth over it, he would have pressed his boot to Locus’s crotch. Just to make it clear.

Though, really, it couldn’t have much clearer than after dinner, when Felix had Locus pull over and crawled into his lap. Nothing better than sex in the car to top off a great evening. 

✹ ✹ ✹

As the weather warmed up, Felix began to tug Locus outside for no other reason than the snow was melting. By early April, the last bits of snow were disappearing and the weather coasting at a comfortable mid-sixties to early seventies. Felix still wore jackets. He claimed the weather was too cool or the wind was chilly but by midafternoon he was complaining about the heat. 

On a Saturday, Locus found himself at the park with Felix. Despite how much Felix claimed to see nothing of interest in parks or nature, he had demanded they go today and he had perched on top of a picnic table. Locus sat beside him, hands clasped between his knees. He watched flocks of birds move through the skies and tried to ignore the gnawing irritation as Felix went on and on about a girl he had spent the night before with. 

“She kept going on about how she wants a new job,” Felix was saying. “Like right now she works with her parents and I just…  I don’t care, y’know?” He didn’t wait for Locus to answer, just let out a loud sigh and continued. “Like most of the reason I ever see her is to fuck. I don’t want to listen to her work troubles or whatever else bullshit she’s got goin’ on.” 

Locus made a low, noncommittal noise. Watched a squirrel run up a tree nearby. 

“Like, Nat’s nice and all - “

That was the girl, Natalie. Locus had apparently met her before in the past month, some pretty girl with dyed blonde hair who recognized Felix while they were out for lunch. He didn’t remember her. 

“ - but I don’t have the energy for someone else’s life.” A pause. “I got myself.” Another pause, shorter than the first, then: “And you. I think that’s enough people to take interest in.” 

Locus very nearly rolled his eyes. “Am I supposed to be honored by this?” he said. “Being the only person other than yourself that you actually care about.” 

Felix smacked his arm lightly. “It’s not like that.” 

“Of course it isn’t.”

“I just meant that most people aren’t very interesting.” 

“And how pleased I am that you find me of interest.”

Felix nudged him again. A bright smile was on his face when Locus looked over at him. “Most people are boring,” he said. “I use them for sex. You, though. You’re interesting.”

Locus stared at him. “How many people do you sleep with?” he asked.

Felix’s smile vanished instantly. Surprise flashed in his eyes. “Uh, what?”

“How many other people do you sleep with?”

“Is that a serious question?”

“Yes.” 

For a few seconds, neither of them spoke. Locus watched as Felix sighed, as his gaze drifted out over the park. In that brief moment, the lull of Felix’s voice was filled with the distant sounds of children and birds. The sounds of spring. And then Felix spoke, gesturing vaguely as he did. “Well. You know all about Miguel, so there’s him. Natalie. Few people from online, parties, clubs… Sometimes I fuck Tucker.” 

Each name Felix spoke, dropped so casually from his mouth, was another spike of irritation in Locus’s spine. He could feel the tension winding up in his shoulders. He looked away from Felix, back to tracking wildlife. “Isn’t Tucker your roommate?” he said carefully. 

“Yeah. So?”

Locus said nothing, too busy frowning fiercely at nearby trees.

Beside him, Felix sighed. “I only fuck Tucker when we’ve been drinking. It’s nothing serious. You don’t have to be so angry.” 

“And these other people? The ones from clubs and - from online?”

“All just a one night thing.” Felix’s voice was taking on an edge of annoyance. He was frowning when Locus glanced over at him. “The people from parties, guys from clubs. And yeah, okay, those people from ‘online’ I found on Tindr and Grindr. So what? It’s just a one time thing, quick anonymous sex.” 

Again, Locus didn’t respond. This was something he tried not to focus on, as the thought of Felix with someone else had always proven to anger him. And here he had asked about it, had been given a list. He had known Felix was sleeping with others, but he had assumed it was only two at the most, people Felix knew. For some reason, knowing that Felix slept with random people he found online was worse than the names - worse than Miguel, or Felix’s own roommate. 

While he sat there, Felix had shoved off the table. “You’re gonna make this a thing, aren’t you?” he asked. He stood in front of Locus, hands in the pockets of his jacket. “Would it make a difference if I asked you to, y’know, not make it a thing?” 

Locus watched as Felix bounced on the heels of his feet. “I’m not making it a ‘thing’,” he said. 

“Yeah. You are.” He threw one hand out to gesture at Locus, brow burrowing. “You’re getting all grouchy, and now you’re gonna spend the whole day glaring at everyone and not talking. Then you’re probably gonna be a dick to me again without actually ever saying that you made this a thing.” He quieted and for a moment, neither of them spoke. Then Felix scoffed, said, “Yeah. I know how you work by now, you prick. Fine. Have your little routine. I’ll go the fuck home then.” 

He took two steps away before Locus had left the table to rejoin him. “Felix,” he said, ignoring his partners’ muttered insult. “If you want to go home, I can take you.” 

Felix locked onto him with a scathing, judgmental look. “Really? You aren’t even going to try and deny how you’re acting? Nice.” 

“I already told you - “

“Yeah, whatever. Your bullshit doesn’t work with me.” He was still walking away, pulling his phone from his pocket. “I don’t need a ride, thanks.” 

Locus reached out, snatched him by the arm, and forced him to stop. In one motion, Felix yanked away, whirling to face him. It was clear that he was about to start yelling, so Locus cut him off before he could start. “I don’t want to upset you” -and here, Felix started to protest- “or anger you. I’m not ...pleased about how many people you sleep with, that’s true and you’ve probably guessed that.” 

“I don’t care if you don’t like it,” Felix said. “If you even think for a second that I’m going to stop fucking other people just ‘cause I’m with you, then you are so goddamn wrong. I like sex. I’m going to have sex with whoever the hell I want to. And I’m not dealing with you trying to stop me.” 

“I wasn’t going to.” Locus paused to let Felix try to argue, let his disagreement spill into the air between them. “My intentions aren’t to keep you from doing something you enjoy, even if it is sleeping with other people. Even if I dislike it.” That look from Felix was burning a hole through his skin; no matter what he said, Locus was sure Felix wouldn’t believe him. Not right now. Not when he hadn’t proved that he meant it. “At the very least, I would like it if you would stay safe.” 

At that, Felix snorted, surprise flickering over his face. “Are you serious? You really think I fuck randoms without a condom? I’m not stupid.” 

Truth be told, Locus could never be sure with Felix. Just because they had been so careful didn’t mean he was with others. “I thought I would mention it anyway.” 

“Yeah, well. Trust me on this,” Felix said. He slid his phone back into his pocket, some of the tension relaxing in his shoulders. “I know how to be safe. I’m not getting some disease because some nasty idiot wanted to go without.” 

“That’s… good,” Locus said quietly. “Another thing - “

“Hey, you said it was one thing.” 

“I did not.” He leaned closer to Felix, tilting his head up and looking into his eyes. “Don’t sleep with people whose names you don’t even know. That much, you can do for me. For what we are.” Then, before Felix could say anything else, Locus gave him a quick kiss. As he let Felix go, he said, “I’ll drive you home if you still wish to leave.”

Felix agreed then, turning his gaze from Locus and leading the way through the park. He didn’t say anything for a while, leaving Locus to assume that he was mulling over that last exchange. Locus followed in silence, walking past trees as Felix wandered in the general direction of the parking lot. When Felix finally spoke, it was he ducked underneath a low hanging branch. “So, for dinner,” he was saying, “I wanna cook for you.” 

It had been a while since Felix had offered to cook. The last time had been with his own special meat and Locus had refused on the grounds that he was not going to commit cannibalism. Locus lifted the branch away, passing under and trailing Felix. This area of the park was more heavily wooded, trails weaving through a light forest. “I suppose we’ll have to pick up meat on the way home,” he said. 

“Or we could go out later,” Felix said. He turned to offer Locus a wry grin. “How do you feel about a really late dinner?” 

Before Locus could even speak, a sudden, very sharp, pain spiked in his arm. He winced, glancing down; out the corner of his eye, he could see the amused look on Felix’s face.

“What the fuck was that about?” Felix asked. 

“I was stung,” Locus said. The insect in question was a bee and Locus looked from his arm to the trees, wondering where the thing had come from. To Felix, he said, “It’ll be fine but we should probably leave before more come out.” 

“Bees?”

“Yes.” He looked back at Felix just to watch him turn on his heels and jog out of the trees. “Felix…?”

“Time to go,” Felix called back to him. 

Bemused, Locus once again followed after Felix - though he chose to double back and go around the trees rather than charge through them all. He could see Felix in the distance, moving much quicker than Locus’s leisurely pace. As he walked, he examined the sting in his arm just long enough to resign himself to  having to find a way to get the stinger out of his skin. Too bad he didn’t carry around tweezers in his car. 

When Locus caught up to him, Felix was leaning against the car with his arms crossed, frowning. As soon as Locus drew close, he said, “I could have died, asshole. Way to take your time.” 

“I didn’t see a need to run through trees,” Locus said, unlocking the doors. “My apologies for not running after you.”

Felix wrenched the car door open and dropped into the seat. His frown had been replaced with a bright smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Did I not tell you?” he said. “I’m allergic to bees. I literally could have died.” 

Naturally, the automatic response to that was a quiet stir of anxiety just at the thought of what could have happened. Locus stomped it down, driving through the lot. “You didn’t mention that, no.” A pause, where he pulled out into the road. “What all exactly are you allergic to?” 

Felix was picking at the hem of his jacket. “Bees,” he said flatly. “Latex. Dairy and nuts.” 

All things Locus already knew. 

“Dogs, but it’s not, like, a bad one. There’s some tree that makes me sneeze, I don’t fuckin‘ know.”

“That’s… a lot.”

“And penicillin.” He looked up and caught Locus’s eye briefly. “If I’m ever in the hospital, don’t let them give me penicillin. I’d rather not find out what would happen.” 

Neither would Locus. He let Felix fiddle with the radio, didn’t question him further about the allergies. They talked about what Felix wanted to cook,  a movie he wanted to see, how he wished he could afford to take Locus to a concert. All the while, Locus kept an eye out for a pharmacy and tried not to focus on the thought of Felix in the hospital, Felix dying from his many allergies. All these months and he’d had no idea of just how many things could harm someone he cared so much for. 

The second he spied a pharmacy, Locus pulled up to it. Beside him, Felix cut himself off midsentence to say, “What are you doing? This isn’t groceries.” 

“There’s a bee stinger in my arm,” Locus said. “I’d like to be able to take it out.” Tweezers and a bandage. An easy list. He left Felix to wait, and by the time he had what he needed, he’d made up his mind. Locus headed toward the back of the store, where the pharmacy stood separate. 

All those thoughts of the effects of Felix’s allergies were flooding his mind still, the only thing that made it so that Locus could speak through his anxiety when faced with the pleasant smile of girl behind the counter. Pharmacist, he told himself. She was a pharmacist.

She said, “How can I help you, sir?” 

The words caught in his throat, tangled around a brief sting of anxiety urging him to leave. He ignored it - somehow - for Felix. “I was wondering if you could help me.” The polite smile didn’t fade but she tilted her head, eyes curious, waiting. “My - my partner. He’s… allergic to a lot of things. I don’t know how to use an epipen, but if the need arises - “

“Oh!” Understanding dawned over her face and she nodded. “I can teach you how, sure! I don’t mind at all.” She paused, cast a glance behind her toward where the medications were stored, before leaning just a touch closer. “We’re not busy here, anyway. Showing someone how to use an epipen is nearly exciting.” 

She stepped away then, coming back with an object in her hands. It did look distinctly like a pen. She assured him it was empty, “Like a practice version,” and then proceeded to walk him through the steps. It didn’t seem too difficult. Press the epipen to the thigh, push the top down until it's empty. But she also stressed the fact that no matter what, the usage of an epipen should coincide with a visit to a hospital.

Locus was trying not to think about having to jam such a needle into Felix’s leg. Trying not to focus on what would happen if he messed it up, or if he wasn’t there, or if Felix didn’t have one on him and something happened. Tried and failed. He managed to think the woman nicely before paying for his things. Judging by the look on the cashier’s face, Locus had unintentionally glared at them. 

He hardly cared. 

By the time he got back to the car, Felix was playing on his phone. He looked up, eyebrows raising at the glare on Locus’s face. Soft beeping and light music was playing from his phone. “What the hell, man?” he said. “That was a bit longer than I expected. Did you get pissed off or something? Look at you.”

Locus didn’t turn the key just yet. He pulled what he bought out of its bag, holding the tweezers to the stinger still lodged in his arm. “I had a talk with the pharmacist,” he said quietly. Paid attention to what he was doing rather than Felix’s reaction. “I wanted to know how to properly use an epipen. Just in case I would ever” -he paused, wincing and hissing as the stinger was pried from his flesh- “ever have to use it.”

Felix was quiet. 

He didn’t look over until he had placed a bandage over the sting. Felix was staring out the windshield, his face impassive. If it wasn’t for the creeping blush on his face, the red tinge to his ears, Locus wouldn’t have thought anything of it. “Felix?” he said. 

“Why would you ask some pharmacist?” Felix asked. HIs voice was soft. “You could have asked me.” 

“I didn’t think of asking you,” Locus admitted. He started the car as he spoke, pulling from the pharmacy parking lot to continue back home. “It didn’t occur to me until I was in the store.” 

Nothing but silence from Felix. 

“It can’t possibly bother you that I asked a pharmacist.” 

“No, no.” Felix glanced at him, caught Locus’s eyes for a second, and then looked away again. “It’s just - people don’t do that, y’know? They don’t ask someone else how to - how to - uh.” 

“How to use an epipen?” 

Felix huffed a breath, crossing his arms over his chest. “No. How to help me.” He spat the words out, like there was no other way to get them out. “People don’t ask about how to help. They either do or they don’t.” He fell quiet and Locus wasn’t sure how to respond, or if he was supposed to. Not even if he fully understood what Felix was saying to him. Then, he spoke again: “Usually they don’t. I do things for myself. You get it now?” 

He wanted to feel sorry for what Felix had said - he might have, if he were honest. And yet Felix didn’t sound upset, he didn’t even sound bitter. He spoke so casually as if this were simply a fact. Just another small, unimportant detail of life. Still, Locus’s gaze softened and he sighed. “I thought I had made it clear to you,” he said. “I will always help you. I don’t intend for you to be hurt when I can support you - “

“Stop,” Felix groaned. “Please. God. Shut up.” He sank deeper into his seat, eyes closing, grimacing as if he was in actual pain.

Locus let his eyes linger for a second longer than he should have, smiling to himself. He couldn’t help himself. “I’ll protect you, Felix.” 

The groan from Felix turned into a faked, dramatic sob. 

✹ ✹ ✹

In May, Felix spent the night. Locus curled around him under the blankets, rubbing his hand over Felix’s leg, squeezing at his thigh and listening to the quiet hums Felix gave for the attention. He fell asleep with an arm around the smaller person, nose buried into his neck, breathing in his scent with each breath. 

And he awoke to the sound of his door slamming open and Grey’s excited voice. “Locus! Get up!”

His eyes shot open immediately. In his arms, Felix was squirming. Locus sighed, nuzzling Felix before releasing him and sitting up, slowly. “What do you want?” he asked. 

“Get up!” Grey repeated. She was grinning widely, excitement written through every muscle of her body. “I need to talk to you. Something’s happened.” 

For a moment, he thought it was an emergency. But it wouldn’t make sense for her to be so excited in that case. “What?”

“They found another body.” 

He could feel Felix stiffen beside him. A second later, he was shifting again and Locus looked over to catch his gaze. Fully alert. 

And, from Grey: “What?” A pause. “Ohh. Did Felix sleep over again?” 

Felix sat up then, curling an arm around Locus’s neck. “Hello, Grey,” he said. His words had that slightly amused and mocking tone it usually held when he spoke to - well, almost anyone. “Isn’t it, like, way early? And you’re waking us up?” 

Grey offered Felix a polite smile, and feigned her ignorance of why exactly Felix slept over. Just as she always did. She said, “Did you want to talk too? They found a body, guys! It’s been months!”

Felix laid his head on Locus’s shoulder, muttering, “Yeah, it has,” under his breath. 

At the door, Grey was still talking, already going over the details. Felix was sidling closer and sighing against Locus’s bare skin. As for Locus, the simple thought of talking about that body when he was there to witness the murder was causing anxiety to race through every fiber of his being. He tensed as Felix nosed at his neck, hands clenching the blankets, staring through Grey. 

How was he supposed to casually discuss a dead body and the murderer when he had been there? When the murderer was falling asleep while leaning against him? 

He cut across Grey’s nonsense, saying, “I can’t do this right now.” 

She stopped, frowning.

“He’s not wearing pants,” Felix said, voice groggy. “Get out.” 

Grey snorted. “Well, excuse me. Locus, put on pants. Then we talk.” She grinned again before leaving, closing the door after her. 

Locus didn’t move. He wasn’t sure if he could. 

Felix slid off of him, stretching with a sigh. Locus glanced at him, at the muscles in his arms growing taut. All he could think of was that night, so many months ago, when he watched Felix use those muscles to overpower and kill an innocent man. Felix caught his eye, a smirk growing over his face. He leaned back, hands pressed into the bed behind him. “Like what you see?” he asked. “ ‘Cause I am a bit tired, but I think I could be up for something fun.” 

“No, Felix.” 

“Ahh, Locs.” He smiled, and it was attractive - or it would have been if Locus wasn’t so unbelievably anxious. Felix was still talking, tilting words and suggestive tone. “You don’t have class today, everything else can wait. Wouldn’t you like to see my lips around your cock?” 

He hadn’t moved yet, waiting for Locus to agree. 

The only thing Locus could say was, “I said  _ no,  _ Felix.” 

Felix sighed, sitting back up straight and rolling his shoulders. “Fine, alright.” He wiggled where he sat, making the blanket fall around his hips, nearly showing his naked crotch. “What’s your deal then? You don’t wanna fuck around, why’re you so… y’know.” He gestured with one at the air between them. 

“I can’t do this.” 

Nothing from Felix other than a slight raising of his eyebrows. 

Locus took a deep breath, trying and failing to calm himself down. “Grey,” he finally said. “I can’t talk to her about this.” 

“What, the murder?”

“I can’t.” 

“Why? You’ve done it before.” 

Locus stared at him, trying to communicate just how different this situation was without saying a word. When Felix only stared back, he said, “I wasn’t present for the other murders. I didn’t know who the murderer was.” 

“Is it really that big of a deal?” Felix said. 

Locus slid his eyes off Felix, focusing on the wall opposite him, and resuming his efforts to try and calm down. He failed, and quickly found himself thinking of how easily this could wrong, how he could mess everything up with one word and land both him and Felix in prison. Soon, Felix was rubbing at his back, pressing his hands into his shoulders. His voice was soft again, close to Locus’s ear. “Hey, big guy, c’mon,” Felix whispered. “You can do this.” 

He was trying to help, and Locus wanted to melt into his touch and stop thinking so hard. 

Felix’s touch was warm. “Listen to me, alright? Let her do the talking first, okay?” His hands were wandering down, rubbing small circles into Locus’s back. “Let her go through the details. Don’t do anything but ask questions or give comments on what she says specifically. It’ll be alright. You can do this.” 

“I don’t have to talk to her at all,” Locus said. 

Felix hummed, placing a soft kiss on Locus’s shoulder. “Sure, but you always have, yeah? It’d be weird if you didn’t. She expects you to.” 

That was true. When had Felix learned that? He must have been talking to Grey when Locus wasn’t around. 

Felix’s arms wound around his waist then and Locus eased a little bit, gripping one of Felix’s hands in his own. “Let me tell you something,” Felix said. “First time someone wanted to talk to me about someone I killed, I panicked. It wasn’t easy, but it  _ gets _ easy.”

“What if I say something she doesn’t know? Something no one else knows?” 

“Just be careful.” Another kiss, on his neck this time. “You’ll be fine. Take your meds, alright? Put on pants. Maybe get breakfast while she’s talking, so you have something else to focus on for a bit.” 

He wasn’t sure if he could eat at all right now. Not without it being vomited in Grey’s lap. 

Felix said, “And, got an out for you. If it gets too much for you, like if you’re really afraid you’re gonna fuck up? Then you come get me.” He pulled away from Locus then, a lingering hand squeezing his shoulder. “Now go. Afterward, I can give you that blowjob I mentioned, yeah?” 

Locus looked back at him then, frowning. “Do you always have to go back to sex?” 

Felix shrugged, a smile on his face. “What can I say? I love sucking your cock.” He leaned forward to kiss Locus’s cheek before patting him on the back. “Now, shoo. Go talk bodies.” 

Locus sighed before he heaved himself out of bed and searched for clothes. He could feel Felix’s eyes on him as he dressed and glanced back to see his partner lying in bed, blatantly staring at his rear. Felix gave him a lazy smile a thumbs up and Locus went to his desk for his medicine. He focused on what Felix had told him - don’t offer information, only react to anything Grey said. Because as much as he would like to avoid this entirely, not talking to Grey about a body found recently would raise her suspicions. As wonderful a roommate as Grey could be, she was also prone to prying into his business.

And he did not want that. 

In the living room, Grey was scouring over her laptop. She offered him a grin, and then an understanding nod when Locus said he wanted to eat first. She talked while he ate, of course, sitting on the arm of the couch while he sat at the table. She described what he knew, what he had seen. 

The body had been pulled out of the river, found by a late night fisherman. It had been wrapped up in bags that had been torn, body bloated from the months it had spent in the water. Pieces were cut out - amount not specified (four of them, Locus remembered). And the murderer, yet again, had not left any evidence. 

Locus had a striking thought that he was glad Felix was so thorough in his murders, and that thought startled him. He set his fork back on the plate, half of it uneaten. 

Grey looked up from her laptop. It was obviously on the tip of her tongue to engage him in the conversation and instantly Locus stood. “Felix was supposed to be ready by now,” he said as an excuse, heading back to his room. “I’ll be back shortly.”  Grey nodded as he passed, already staring at her laptop again. 

Back in his room, Felix was curled up once again under the blankets. He wasn’t sleeping, staring at his phone in his hands instead. He glanced up at Locus as he approached, then refocused on his phone. “That was quick,” he said. “Did you even try?” 

He didn’t answer. 

Felix sighed, dropped his phone, and sat back up. “Alright. Do I have anything clean here? I’d hate to talk to Grey in dirty clothes.” 

Locus nodded toward the dresser and he left the bed, standing still for a moment to stretch his arms over his head. The bottom drawer in the dresser was currently half-filled with clothes that Felix left behind. As he ambled over to get something to wear, Locus turned away. Rather than watch a naked Felix bend over, Locus went to his desk and took a second pill. When he looked back, Felix wore tight jeans and was shrugging a shirt on. HIs hair was a mess and he made no move to fix it, looking instead to Locus. 

After a brief moment, he smirked. “Enjoy the show?”

“I didn’t watch.”

Instantly, the smirk was gone. “God, you’re so boring when you’re freaking out,” Felix sighed. “Alright, alright. Let’s go do this. Follow my lead, okay?” He headed for the door, patting Locus on the shoulder as he passed. Locus followed him, a worried frown etched into his face. 

Grey looked up as the door opened, excitement in her eyes. “Oh, good!” she said. “You got him. Now can you  _ pleaaase _ talk to me about this?” 

Locus blanked on what to say. Beside him, Felix smiled. “Body, yeah?” He continued when Grey nodded, saying, “Ohh, I wanna know. Let me in on the details?” 

“It would have been so much easier if you were in here to begin with,” Grey said, “but alright, if you insist. I can tell you everything!” She launched into the whole explanation all over again, without even a moment's pause. As she did, Locus went to sit at the far end of the couch and Felix wandered into the kitchen. He responded to her as she went - asking about who they found, how the body was found, how long the police thought the poor soul had been dead. 

Grey slid onto the couch, sitting cross-legged with the laptop seated on her knees. She answered Felix’s questions quickly, weaving back into the news stories easily. 

Locus marveled at both of them. At Grey for how easily she could direct the flow of the conversation. And at Felix for how calm he was during this, how nothing Grey said had an effect on him beyond morbid curiosity. It was no surprise people did not suspect Felix; aside from leaving no evidence behind, he handled these conversations with ease. 

Felix took a mug of coffee into the living room at the tail end of Grey’s long-winded explanation. He sat down between the two of them, sipping at the drink in his hands.

Grey asked, “So? What do you guys think?”

Locus was staring at the floor at his feet, brow furrowed. 

“About the murder?” Felix said. 

“Yep.”

“I think it’s a fuckin’ miracle this idiot hasn’t been caught yet,” Felix said. 

Locus glanced at him. 

“I mean,” Felix continued, “this sick son of a bitch is going out there and killing and no one’s found him yet? Isn’t it, like, way beyond the time for him to fuck up?” 

How many times did Felix talk about this? To be able to speak of himself in such a degrading way was so unlike him that, for a second, Locus was at a loss of how to react. 

“That’s what the cops are waiting for,” Grey said. “At least, I’m pretty sure. Vanessa keeps complaining about it, but that’s only because no one knows what to do - “

“Vanessa?” Felix said. He lowered the cup in his hands to the coffee table, looking at Grey with more interest.

Grey wasn’t looking at him. She nodded, still peering at the laptop. “Oh, yeah. She’s one of my girlfriends. Detective, working on this whole murder business.” 

She said more, but Locus was distracted by Felix turning to look at him. He was smiling but it was devious, calculated and harsh. “Vanessa,” Locus said quietly, “is a lovely woman.” 

Felix’s smile widened to a wicked grin. “Oh, I’m sure she is,” he said. “Hope she stays safe while working on this.” He winked at Locus and then the look on his face vanished in an instant. “Y’know, TV shows always show detectives working on serial killer cases and getting injured or captured or something.”

Grey snorted. “I doubt that’ll happen in real life,” she said. “And even if it does, Vanessa could kick this idiot’s ass, no doubt.”

“I’d like to see that,” Felix said. “Detective against a serial killer? Oh, what a show.” 

Locus reached out, taking one of Felix’s hands and squeezing. Felix shot him a brief look of confusion, but squeezed back anyway. “If it comes down to it,” he said, “the serial killer is at a disadvantage. Police never work alone, do they? Especially not if they think they have a lead on someone so dangerous.” His grip on Felix’s hand tightened as he spoke, as he fought off the images of Felix dying at the hands of the city police. 

“Leave it to you to take the fun out of a showdown,” Felix said. 

“He’s right,” Grey said. “No way would Vanessa take on this killer without backup.” She kept going in that regard, talking about her detective girlfriend and how one serial killer would never be able to elude the cops forever. “He’ll lose sometime,” she said. “Just really hope it’s soon. For ‘Nessa’s sake, y’know?” 

Felix was digging his nails into the back of Locus’s hand. “Guess we’ll have to see,” he said calmly. 

They carried on a conversation and Locus kept a vice grip on Felix’s hand, frowning at nothing and hearing his heart drum in his ears. Grey was right, of course. The chances of the murderer never being discovered were slim to none. Someday, Felix would falter. He would make an error, lead the cops right to him, and Locus would be powerless to save him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my intentions were to pair this update with a special side story.   
> so. keep an eye out for Martyrs. (:
> 
> thank you for reading, despite the delay. leave comments pls. they fuel my soul.


	6. a killing spree in white

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> big warnings for mentions of, and a discussion about, date rape.   
> same warning applies last time anything regarding sexual assault/rape was mentioned: it isn't explicit. tread lightly.   
> if you would like to skip all of it, then i would suggest at least reading the first two sections as well as the last two. 
> 
> sorry for the delay.  
> other notes: i have never had a severe allergic reaction. enjoy the cameo it continues next chapter.

Summer in Armonia came with heat waves and those brief, loud thunderstorms. The city baked under the sun for most days, cloud cover only showing when the rain was threatening to fall. Classes had ended which meant that most of the college’s students had taken off back home for the next few months - those that lived on campus, at least. Those that remained were housed in off-campus apartments or housing (including Felix’s own roommates, no matter how badly he wished they would leave him alone). 

No school meant that Wash was home more often, typically snarking back at Tucker and his friends. Or playing videogames in the living room with Tucker and his friends. Or, on more than one occasion, making a disaster in the kitchen with his mute boyfriend and some rather frightening people he had known from the army. 

Felix had taken all of it with a grain of salt because, frankly, he didn’t give a shit. One afternoon, when he was on his way out to work, four of Wash’s army buds were seated at the kitchen. Texas was among them, currently engaged in an arm wrestling contest with a redhead while two other women sat across from them and debated on the winner. The fifth guest stood by the stove with Wash, and he offered Felix a rather attractive smile and a wave. 

And Felix decided that, hey, what the hell. He could be amicable every so often. He skirted around the table to offer the man his hand. Tall, blonde haired, ice blue eyes. Nice. “Hey, name’s Felix.” He grinned as he spoke. 

“Call me North.” 

“You army guys and your nicknames,” Felix said with a light laugh. He caught Wash frowning at him; no reason to. He wasn’t flirting here. Not at all. “York never told me where he got his.”

North’s smile widened just a bit. “You know York then?” 

“York is his real name,” Wash cut in. “Aren’t you going to be late, Felix?”

“No one names their kid York,” Felix said, ignoring the not-so-subtle hint for him to leave. 

“Your boyfriend’s name is Locus.” 

“Not my boyfriend.” No matter what he said, Wash had pretty much killed any chance he had of getting North into bed. Seriously, what was the guy’s problem with Felix fucking his friends? “Sadly, though I’d love to stay and get to know you” -Wash was rolling his eyes, but North’s smile hadn’t wavered- “I actually do have to get to work now. Maybe later, sometime?” 

North nodded, and beside him Wash sighed. “I may or may not be hanging around here for the next few days. Came to visit Wash here since he’s apparently forgotten how to call people.” 

Felix clicked his tongue. “Nice, Wash. Alienate your friends.” 

Wash had turned back to the stove. “Go to work,” he said again. “I’m sure they need you more there.” 

“I’m going.” He lingered by North for a moment longer, trying to decide if he’d rather fuck the guy or let himself be pinned down. “Seriously, though. If you’re still here later, we should talk.” He briefly considered giving the guy his number. “If you can’t find me, just ask for the kid who kills his enemies and feeds them to his friends.” 

North let out a startled laugh and Felix flashed him a brilliant grin, dropped a wink. Moments later, he was shoved out the door by Wash. It didn’t phase Felix’s good mood a bit - even when Wash hissed at him that those types of jokes were in bad taste - and neither did the heat. Summer in Armonia brought another good thing with it.

It had been weeks since the body was found. Yet another successful hunt and no signs pointed to anyone discovering his secret. Felix was back on top - an underground serial killer, the king of the city. 

✹ ✹ ✹

By the middle of May, Locus had found himself a summer job. It wasn’t the most exciting work, or anything that had even a remote chance of being relevant later in his life. But work was work, and unlike Felix, he needed the money. On the first day of June, he was getting ready for work and Felix was sitting on his dresser. It was a little bit of a distraction to hear Felix’s feet kicking against the wood while he pulled his hair up in the bathroom, but it wasn’t as if he could make the fool leave until he himself stepped out the door. 

When he left the bathroom, Felix didn’t even glance up from the phone in his hands. “How long do you work?” he asked. 

“Until six.” It was nearing eleven in the morning currently. Locus had to be there at noon, working until closing and likely after. He saw no reason to inform Felix of just how late it might be before he was home. 

Felix sighed, a dramatic and unnecessary noise. “Shit. I go to work at five.” He looked up then, to give Locus a sour look. “I don’t like you working.” 

Locus stared him down. “I’m sure if you complain loud enough, the universe will gift us both with enough money to never work again.” 

“You working,” Felix said, ignoring every word Locus had said, “means there’s less time for you to pay attention to me. I mean, I’m the important thing in your life, right?” 

He refused to respond to that. “Get down,” he said, heading to the desk to pick up his wallet. After a second, he put the bottle of pills in one pocket. “I need to leave and I’d prefer it if you didn’t leave marks on my furniture.” 

The sound of Felix’s feet hitting the floor had Locus glancing over. Felix was still talking as if he had never been interrupted in the first place. “Really, Locs. You gotta pick your priorities, y’know?” He gestured at himself, smirking. “That’s me. I’m the priority. In case you had forgotten. If you gotta work, you should choose something that benefits you in the best way possible, and that’s - “

“Spending time with you?” 

Instantly, Felix’s smirk was replaced with a frown. “No.”

“You want me to have a job that also lets me spend a lot of time with you,” Locus said. Redness was creeping over Felix’s face. “No matter how much you say otherwise, I know that’s what you want. You’re rather transparent, Felix.” 

Felix snarled an insult, crossing his arms over his chest. He held his head high in an attempt to act like the concept of him having emotions didn’t always make him blush. “You should always make me your top priority,” he said, looking at the door instead of Locus. “So it’s obvious that you need a job that bends to my whims, right? You gotta be here when I say.” 

Locus rolled his eyes. “Your demanding nature is charming,” he said. He reached out to mess Felix’s hair, watching as the smaller person frowned again. “But life doesn’t work that way. I’m going to work. You’re going home. I’ll see you when I can.” He left the room then, knowing Felix would follow him - and two steps out the door, Felix was latched onto his arm. 

“Aside from your terrible decisions in work,” Felix was saying, “there’s something much more important you should know.” 

Locus sighed. “What is it?” 

“This month,” Felix said, taking on an air of arrogance that surpassed even his usual attitude, “is my birthday.”

“The entire month?”  

Felix elbowed him hard. “Yes,” he said. “Technically the entire year should be dedicated to me, but I can’t fault people for not being able to handle that much awesome all the time. So I’ll settle for a month.”

Locus nearly rolled his eyes. He led Felix to the door with a hand on his back, pushing him outside. “What day is your birthday?” 

Felix snorted. “The whole month. Obviously.”

“Which day, Felix.” He briefly considered the possibility of picking Felix up just to drop him over the railing. 

A moment of silence, then, “The eighteenth. I want something good, okay?” He grinned, sharp teeth bared. “Save your money for me. I’m worth expensive things.” 

It would probably mean a less stressful life if Felix was tossed over the railing. “You’ll get what I give you,” Locus said. He ignored the scoff he got in return and leaned down to kiss his partner. Really, he should be congratulated on never saying anything about how Felix had to stand on his toes to kiss him. As he headed downstairs, Felix was entering his own apartment. 

At his car, Locus paused long enough to swallow one pill. His work may not be stressful, but the people he worked with had a history of making his anxiety rise to the point he couldn’t speak. He had to drive to the outskirts of town and it would take over half an hour, if traffic was light. Worse if he encountered any problems. That would be more than enough time for the pills to start working. 

Locus had applied to over fifteen places for summer work, and he had chosen this for one reason. It was menial work at an animal shelter, where he spent hours cleaning kennels and litter boxes, and feeding and walking excitable dogs. But this animal shelter was where Washington spent his weekends during the school year, where he would work nearly every day during the summer. Locus had chosen to work somewhere that would never benefit him and he had done so for the opportunity to become closer to Washington. 

Though, as he had told Felix when he accepted the job, it was because the animals were easier to work with than people. 

When he pulled up to the shelter, few cars were parked up front. The employees parked at the side of the building, which meant that there wasn’t a lot of people looking for animals today. That was a mixed blessing. Less people meant more time he could spend with Washington, but it also meant more time cleaning excrement out of dog kennels. Perhaps today Locus could work with cats rather than dogs. 

Inside, a couple stood at the front counter with a child at their side. The woman behind the desk, a perky older woman, was so engaged with them she didn’t even acknowledge Locus entering. That wasn’t surprising; she was co-owner of the shelter and usually so engrossed with running it that Locus would go entire days without seeing her, let alone speaking to her. As it was he spent much of his time here with the dogs, away from the one person he had even taken the job for. Instead of having Washington for company, Locus was thrown into the noisiest part of the shelter with the most annoying man he had ever had the displeasure of meeting. 

Unfortunately, his job today was once again to take care of the dogs. Truth be told, he didn’t mind the animals. Most of the dogs in the shelter were frightened when they were brought in and warmed up to him, someone they saw often, quick enough to be excited when he approached. Part of that undoubtedly had to do with the fact that his arrival typically meant food. 

The bad sides outweighed the good dogs. The noise of dogs barking rose whenever anyone entered the room, scooping dog poop out of kennels was as disgusting as it sounded, and even spending two hours in the place made him sweat. 

Today, he had barely took a step into the kennels when the dogs started a chorus of barking that bounced off the walls. A perfect recipe for a headache. Locus went about his work without hesitation. There were no distractions here; growing up around dogs meant he was used to this - it may be louder in the kennels than in the backyard of his parents’ house, but it was still only dogs. He fed three new dogs, each one cowering in the kennel and looking at him with untrusting, sorrowful eyes. These had arrived earlier in the day, not much to clean up so he moved on to others. 

One of the other dogs, a large hunting mutt, greeted him with happy barks. And by jumping up to place its paws on his chest. Locus patted its head, said curtly, “Down.”

The dog barked again, and immediately, a loud voice called out his name. 

Or, rather, something close to his name. 

“Locust!”

Locus looked at the dog as if it had betrayed him, a long suffering sigh easing out of him slowly. 

“I didn’t know you liked dogs too!”

He pushed the dog away, turning to face the other man. Caboose was one of few people to be tall enough to look Locus straight in the eye, and he was also, without a doubt, the stupidest man alive. For starters, no matter how often Locus corrected the moron on his name, it never seemed to stick. As for this greeting today… this was just sad. Locus said, “I’ve been working here for three weeks.” 

Caboose grinned as he turned to the dog instead, patting it on the head with one hand.  "This is Major Cinnamonbun. She is a good girl."

Apparently every word Locus spoke went right over Caboose’s head. This was not surprising. He took a moment to resign himself to dealing with this idiocy, and then continued about his work. Whatever work Caboose was supposed to have been doing was ignored and the man followed Locus to each and every kennel. He had something to say about every dog - usually with a name that was completely different from the animal’s papers. 

He said, "This one is Cupcake. She is also a good girl, but she isn't very nice,” in reference to a particularly defensive Shepherd mix. An understatement if there had ever been one. The dog’s real name was Thor and it growled and snapped at anyone that came close. The shelter had yet to figure out what type of home it should be placed in. 

For his own sanity, Locus focused on his work. And tuning out Caboose’s loud, unwavering voice. Over five minutes into his round of the kennels, with Caboose on his heels and acting as if they were great friends. 

At one point, Caboose said, “Have you ever walked eight dogs at once? It. Is. Amazing.” 

Locus contemplated locking Caboose inside a kennel with one of the dogs. Caboose would enjoy himself and he would be freed from this. 

He managed to ignore Caboose for a little while longer, up until the man changed topics completely and without warning. "Are you still best friends with the tiny money creature?” Caboose asked. “Church doesn't like him very much. I think he's nice. He gave me kisses once."

At that, he paused in the middle of locking a kennel door to give Caboose a wary glance. Naturally Caboose didn’t spare him a second glance, patting the head of another dog and talking away to himself. Before Locus could say something - and actually engage this insufferable moron in conversation - Washington rounded the corner of kennels. Immediately, the dogs went berserk, barking over Caboose’s excited yell of Washington’s name. 

Washington didn’t look at Locus, but that was alright. He was focused on Caboose as he said, “Hi, Caboose. You need to work. Leave Locus alone and go walk some of the dogs.” He cast a glance around the kennels, seemingly paying little attention to whatever rambling conversation Caboose was trying to force on him. “Looks like a lot of them could use the exercise. Pick out your favorites.” 

At that, Caboose turned and left and Locus was never more grateful for Washington’s presence. Still, when Washington turned to face him, the first words he spoke were, “What on earth is a ‘tiny money creature’?”

Wash’s eyes widened briefly, and for a few seconds, he looked amused. “Oh. That’s… what Caboose calls Felix.” 

Locus hummed quietly. “It’s fitting.” He watched as Wash took a breath, then spoke before the other could. “Since you’re here, Washington - “

The amusement on Washington’s face vanished instantly and he frowned. “I’m not answered anything you ask me.” 

“I was only wondering - “

“Don’t.”

“ - if I could work with the cats today,” Locus finished. He tried not to let his frustration show - as irritating as it was that Washington wouldn’t speak with him here, there must be a reason for the behavior. “It’s been weeks and all i do here is take care of dogs.”

“You said you had experience with dogs,” Wash said. At that moment, Caboose rushed past with three dogs in his hands, calling out a goodbye to the two of them. Once he passed by, Wash continued. “Besides, you couldn’t today even if you did know how to care for cats. We got a family looking to adopt a dog. You’re going to pick out a few they may like and introduce them to the animals.” 

Locus frowned instantly, brow furrowing deeply. “I don’t work with people,” he said flatly. “Isn’t that your job?” 

“We’ve got newborn kittens,” Wash said. “I’m taking care of them, seeing as their mother has died. So the work goes to you.”

“Washington, I can’t - “

“Our other choice was Caboose but I think someone who won’t talk the poor people into leaving would be a better choice.” 

Locus quieted, his protests dying on his lips as the anxiety flourished to life in his gut. Washington was serious about this. This was his job for the afternoon, and perhaps if Washington believed he could handle it, then he could. “I can… try,” he said. 

Wash nodded. “That’s what I expected. Go meet with them - adoption room two - and listen to what they want from a dog. Should be easy after that.” He left then, not even waiting for Locus to respond. Locus watched him, urging his anxiety to die before it got too bad. 

Following Washington’s instructions led him to a family that consisted of three little kids, all of whom wanted a different trait in a dog. They were loud, asked too many questions, and - in Locus’s opinion - the parents didn’t do enough to calm them down. As he hunted down the first dog to show them, he thought that it was a good thing he wouldn’t see Felix tonight. The stress of this and whatever ridiculous demands his partner unleashed would have been too much.

✹ ✹ ✹

By the second week of June, Felix went to few parties and spent the majority of his nights and free time with Locus. This was something Locus had come to expect - working around Felix’s constant chatter to accomplish anything. It got worse when Felix spied his bank account over his shoulder and started in on his birthday again, on what Locus should get him and what gifts he would like, where he would like to eat, and how great it would be if they could both get off work for the day. 

To spend the entire day bending to Felix’s every whim was his real wish, by the sounds of it. Not the most appealing plan.

Today, Locus had work at noon. Felix had come over at nine in the morning, demanding breakfast and hadn’t stopped talking until they were both seated on the couch - Felix with a plate of food in his hands, Locus with a mug of hot tea. The news was on, weather currently, and Felix was making faces at the TV around his food. 

“It’s too fucking hot,” he muttered. 

“Would you rather it be winter again?” Locus asked. He glanced over in time to watch the frown flash over Felix’s face. “I thought not.” 

After that, Felix fell quiet. Even when he finished eating, setting his plate on the coffee table, he leaned against Locus’s side and let the news fill the silence. The news was rather dry, brief stories about the country as a whole flashed by, politics and the like. Local news began with such a sharp turn from bland and boring that Locus raised his eyebrows. Beside him, Felix scoffed. The news anchor was going over updates on a story that had cropped up recently and spread amongst the college students who still resided within city limits. A man, dead now for over a year, had been accused of date rape - by multiple people, both male and female - and his family was fighting in his defense, to uphold the deceased’s honor. 

There was hardly anything to the story that hadn’t been told before. Apparently a pair of girls who weren’t afraid of showing their faces in the case were going to court against the family members. According to the two girls, and to the other anonymous victims, it mattered none whether the man was dead or not. Locus had to agree. 

It was dreary news. 

Suddenly, Felix barked out, “Why the fuck are we still watching this garbage?” 

Locus looked over at him. “You can always change the channel,” he said. 

“Tired of hearing about this shit,” Felix continued. He pushed away from Locus to reach for the remote on the table. “It’s all anyone wants to talk about. ‘Hey, Felix, did you hear about this - this  _ rapist?’ _ It’s such bullshit!” He switched the channel to cartoons and threw the remote back. It skidded off the table and hit the floor and all Felix did was glare at it, arms crossed over his chest. 

Locus resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He stood to get the remote off the floor, saying, “I didn’t think it was that big of a deal for you. It’s the news. You don’t watch it. You rarely pay attention to anything that’s going on when it doesn’t involve you.” 

Felix had switched his glare to Locus. “I’m tired of hearing about it,” he said. “It’s such a fuckin’ downer.” 

“Then it’s a good thing you changed the channel.” Locus took a seat next to Felix once more; he said nothing about strangely angry Felix was about this. It was easier this way. 

After a few seconds of tense silence, Felix turned until he faced Locus instead of the TV. He uncrossed his arms, squeezing Locus’s thigh with both hands. “TV sucks,” he said. “Pay attention to me.” 

Locus said nothing, waiting. 

“Fuck me.” 

And there is was. Locus sighed, placed his hands on Felix’s shoulders, and pushed him back. “You can’t solve all your problems with sex,” he said. With every word, he watched Felix’s face contort with more anger. 

“I don’t have a problem - “

“You are unreasonably angry,” Locus said, “over a news story. Why should we have sex?” 

Felix huffed a breath, his eyes tracking to the ceiling. His hands searched for Locus’s thigh, landing lightly. “ ‘Cause you’re hot. ‘Cause I like you.” He looked back at Locus then, anger painting his words. “I wanna fuck until I’m not mad anymore. Fuck me so hard my hips hurt and I can’t speak. Please.”

Maybe some day Locus would learn not to bend to Felix’s demands. He told himself that he wouldn’t, that Felix could not goad him like this, but when lips met his in a searing kiss, he caved. He took Felix to bed, gave him everything he asked for, and laid next to him after. Locus ran his fingers over Felix’s collarbone, watching the satisfied smile drift over his face.

At least it turned out to be a one time deal. Several days passed and if this news story was still upsetting Felix, he wasn’t letting it show. Locus considered trying to find out if he was hiding these negative feelings, but with Felix, even asking could backfire. 

Locus went to work, spent what time he could with Felix, and slowly counted down the days until the next semester. He did make sure not to turn on the news around Felix. Just in case. 

The ninth happened to be Locus’s first day off in over a week, and as he learned the day before, it was also the day that Felix had planned to spend with someone else. Felix told him this through a text that read: ‘Oh, fuck you you fucker. Way to take a day off when I’m busy.’ Accompanied by frowning faces, as per usual. 

Personally, this was a good thing in Locus’s eyes. He got to spend his day off doing whatever he pleased - not what Felix nagged him about until he caved. 

He started it spectacularly. By turning off his alarms and sleeping until noon. When he left his room, Grey was sitting on the couch in a bathrobe. She took one look at his messy hair and half-awake expression and said, “You off too, huh?” 

He grunted. 

Grey patted the couch beside her and Locus took a seat, sighing. One of those teenage girl dramas was on TV so Locus answered Grey’s question of “How’s your morning?” with a low, irritated grunt. And she nodded. “I feel that,” she said. 

“This show is terrible,” Locus murmured. 

“It is not.” 

“Every episode is terrible.” 

Grey snorted. “Do you wanna watch the whole show with me? This is the first season, y’know.” 

Locus sighed. “Only if you order food so I don’t have to cook.”  

There were worse ways to spend a day than watching a ridiculous TV show with Grey. Even if aforementioned TV show was about spoiled rich teenage girls and the drama following them through senior year and up to college. It was absurd and Locus spent much of the second season debating with Grey about which girl was the most obnoxious. They ate Chinese and each of them texted through boring parts of the episodes - Felix, naturally, could not go an entire day without bothering Locus. 

It did take him until mid-afternoon to text, but then it was asking when Locus’s next day off was, what they could do tomorrow. Locus ignored several of them and the ones he did reply to where done so in short responses. He knew it would irritate Felix and could even picture the pout on the idiot’s face. 

During one episode, Grey gave an exaggerated sigh and sank into the cushions. “Relationships can be hard,” she groaned. Locus glanced over to watch her toss her phone beside her. Catching his eye, she said, “Vanessa and ‘Lina want to go out. Supposed to spend time with the girls after working so much.”

Locus snorted. “You’re right. It sounds terrible.” 

“Yeah, well, what about Felix? Where’s he?”

“With his friends.” It was what Locus preferred to think anyway. Better not to know exactly which of Felix’s friends he was sleeping with today. “Though he apparently thinks I’m taking him to dinner tomorrow night. He’s even told me what restaurant.” 

Grey was giggling now. 

“What?”

“He’s got you so whipped.” 

Locus frowned. “Shouldn’t you be getting ready?” 

Grey huffed, her laughter dying down. She left the couch with a flourish, tightening the bathrobe around her waist. The moment the door closed behind her, Locus reached for the remote - or, rather, the controller for the game console Netflix had been playing on. Without the company of Grey to mock the show with him, Locus was not going to watch this drivel all day. He turned on a documentary about whales instead. 

Half an hour later, Grey exited her room in a dress, boots, and staring at her phone. “I gotta do my hair,” she said and Locus hoped she wasn’t speaking to him. “It’s gonna take, like, forty-five minutes but I can’t go out looking like this.” She kept talking as she turned and headed back into her room, the door shutting on her midsentence. 

The documentary on whales was turning a bit dark as it went on. Not at all what Locus had expected. By the time Grey exited her room again, the documentary was deep into the tragedy of whaling and Locus was wondering why he was still watching this. 

Grey stopped by the couch. “I’ll be back later. Are you - are you gonna watch TV all day?” 

“I might.” He wouldn’t. 

“Wish I could just watch TV,” Grey said. “Anyway! Catch you later, Locus.” She was grinning, already at the door. “Have fun on your day off, bye!”

Locus only got up to lock the door after she left and to get a drink from the fridge. He hadn’t even bothered to change out of what he slept in. So far, it was a good day off indeed. Maybe the summer was making him lazy. He at least used to get up before noon on his free days. 

He was still sitting in the living room when Grey came home around ten. The TV was on, a cartoon Felix has shown him running for background noise while Locus focused on his laptop. He glanced up and watched as she locked the door behind her and then stood there, staring at her phone. Something was wrong with her and Locus did not, in any way, want to ask her about it.

“Have a nice evening…?” he asked quietly. 

Apparently that was an invitation because Grey was sitting next to him within seconds. “It sucked,” she sighed. “First Vanessa gets called away for work, and then - “ She frowned. “ - then Carolina tells me she’s getting deployed. Again.”

This had the possibility of getting far too emotional for his comfort. All he could think to say that wasn’t awkward was, “How long?” 

“A few years at the most.” Grey sounded worn and tired and it was so unlike her that Locus couldn’t find it in himself to speak at all. 

He glanced around the room before settling on his laptop and wishing the forum he was on were real people for once. Real people who were there right at that moment to distract him from this hell of a conversation. 

Luckily, Grey had been staring at the TV and said, “Why are you watching Rick and Morty? This doesn’t seem like something you like.” 

“I don’t. Felix does.” He paused as Grey hummed and tilted her head. “Another show was on. I left it here for background noise.” 

“Oh.” She watched for a few more seconds, then smacked his thigh. “It’s the Meeseeks episode,” she said. “It’s a good one. You’re supposed to laugh.” 

Locus frowned. “You watch this?” 

“Sometimes stupidity is good after work,” she said. Still sounded tired. But she didn’t bother to talk to him about it. She probably sensed how uncomfortable he already was, and knew how much worse it’d make him feel if she did talk. Instead, she watched the episode, then stood with another long sigh. “I better go catch some sleep. Work tomorrow. Long day.” She disappeared into her room and left Locus to consider if maybe, just this once, he should have tried to talk about someone else’s problems. Grey was always interested in his life and helping solve his problems with Felix, and when she likely needed someone to talk to, he sat here and did nothing. 

It was too late to ponder on it, though. He spent the next couple of hours splitting his time between the forum and texting Felix about tomorrow’s plans and his upcoming birthday.

✹ ✹ ✹

His late night and oversleeping the day before made it difficult to get up in time for work. One of the early shifts, rare for him, and Locus hadn’t bothered to go to bed early. He thought, as he prepared tea for breakfast, that it was likely Felix was rubbing off on him. Too much time spent with one person led to adopting some of their traits. And rather than getting Felix’s confidence, Locus was acquiring worse sleeping habits. Fantastic. 

He left for work at nine; his shift began at ten and he was hoping traffic would be in his favor and he could stop to pick up something with more caffeine. On his way downstairs, he ran into Felix. Immediately, a grin lit up Felix’s face and he started talking. 

About his birthday. 

And how Locus had better be planning something great. 

Locus cut him off with, “I have to go to work, Felix.” 

Felix scoffed, lifted the bag on his shoulder up higher. “Alright, big guy. You go work. I’ll be home when you get done, so come over, yeah?” 

“You don’t have work tonight?” 

He shook his head. “Nope. Not tomorrow either.” A pause. “I’m kind of irritated cause that jackass manager is cutting my fuckin’ hours and I need the money, but, hey. Three days off. Gives me time to catch up on things.” 

Locus resisted the urge to ask just what ‘things’ Felix had to catch up on. No doubt one of those ‘things’ had dropped him off minutes ago. He watched Felix hop up a couple of stairs to stand above him. “What are you doing?” 

“I’m taller than you this way,” Felix said with a smile. He leaned forward to kiss Locus briefly and then grinned at him. “I like being taller than you. I should buy more heels.” 

Locus snorted. “You can’t wear a shoe with a foot high heel.” 

“I can try.” 

‘You’ll break your ankle, and then I’ll have to take you to the hospital” -at that, Felix’s face twisted in disgust- “which i know you won’t like. So no. No shoe with a heel that high.” 

“Killjoy.” 

Locus kissed him again, reaching up to hold his head still. When Locus drew back, he said, “I’ll stop by after work. We have dinner, don’t we?” 

Felix smiled. “Hell yeah we do. See ya, babe.” He left without another word, taking the stairs two at a time. Locus watched until he disappeared out of sight. And Locus continued downstairs, preparing for another day of work to pass slowly. 

He hadn’t made it to his car before someone addressed him. Someone called out, “Hey!” and Locus only knew it was directed at him because of how close the voice was. He turned without stopping, and then halted, a frown forming. 

Perhaps Locus’s least favorite person in this city was standing not five feet away from him. Miguel, the person Felix insisted on sleeping with despite how much Locus hated him. “What do you want,” Locus said. 

Miguel threw a look at the building, at the parking lot around them. There was a crook in his nose that Locus felt oddly proud of seeing; it was his fault for breaking the man’s nose after all. When Miguel finally centered back on Locus, he said, “Are you serious about Felix?” 

“Excuse me?”

“Just tell me how serious you are for him,” Miguel said. “ ‘Cause if you are, I gotta tell you something. Like, something really  _ really _ important.” 

Locus was scowling now. He took a step away from Miguel and closer to his car. “Leave,” he said. “I have nothing to talk to you about - especially not Felix.” 

“It’s about the news,” Miguel said hurriedly. “Or, y’know.. The rapist on the news? I’m not fuckin’ with you, man, alright?” He looked anxious, and it was that fact that made Locus stay. Anyone who became anxious over that kind of dreary news, and for it to be connected to Felix? “Just… tell me you’re serious so I won’t feel like shit for telling you this.” 

Locus thought of Felix, of just how much he loved the irritating idiot, and sighed. “Fine. I am. Now say what you have to say and do it quick.”

Miguel nodded. “Right, okay. I get that you don’t like me. I’m not a huge fan of you either - “

“I have work,” Locus said. “Make it quick.”

Again, the man nodded. He ran a hand through his hair, eyes skirting the parking lot again before he looked Locus in the eye. “I shouldn’t be telling you this. I wish I wasn’t, but Felix… he isn’t going to mention it. He kind of tries to pretend it never happened to him in the first place.” 

A cold feeling was settling in Locus’s gut. He should have just gone to work and left Miguel standing here. 

“Felix, he - “ Miguel stopped, sighed, and started over. “I took Felix to a party, right? Like maybe a year ago, maybe more. There was this guy there, some dick I sold coke to. I lost track of Felix at some point - you know how he is at parties. Never stays still, never stays with one person.” 

He had no idea how Felix was at parties. 

“Felix… Felix was raped at that party,” Miguel said, voice dropping. 

The cold in Locus’s gut immediately spread to his bones. Anxiety took its place. “Why should I believe you?” he asked, glaring. 

“Because I found him,” Miguel said. He met Locus’s glare with a calm face, his eyes pleading.”You gotta believe me, alright? For Felix’s sake. He’s not gonna tell you, no matter what. He’s too fucking stubborn.” 

That was true. “Felix isn’t the type to let that happen,” Locus said. His mind wandered briefly to a story Felix had told him months earlier, of a homeless man in an alley and attempted rape. After that happened to him, there was no one Felix would let put him in that position. 

“He was drugged,” Miguel insisted. “When I found him, he couldn’t even speak to me. He was a mess.” He stopped to gesture vaguely at Locus. “You have to believe me. I wouldn’t tell you this if I thought you didn’t actually care for him.” Another pause, the tension strong in the air; Locus wouldn’t speak and Miguel seemed to be waiting for him too. Finally, he kept talking. “The guy I sold cocaine too got roofies from someone. It wasn’t me. I don’t sell that shit. He gave Felix a drugged drink and must have dragged him upstairs at some point.”

“How do you know this?” Locus asked. “How do you know it was this man?”

“I didn’t, until recently,” Miguel said. “Same guy I sold the drugs to is the rapist on the news. And you can’t tell me you haven’t seen how on edge Felix has been lately. And - the sexual aggression?”

Locus gave a small noise of affirmation. Felix used sex to deal with his emotions, that much was true. Still, he wasn’t sure he could believe that something so horrible could happen to someone like Felix. “And what if I don’t believe you?”

Miguel shrugged. “Your choice,” he said. “But I have no reason to tell this to you except to protect Felix. And, as much as you don’t want to know it, I really do care for him. I wouldn’t bring up if I didn’t think I had to.” 

There wasn’t anything to say to that. Locus stared at Miguel, keys held loosely in one hand. 

Eventually, Miguel said, “Sorry to tell you this before you work. Didn’t know when I’d catch you again.” 

Locus grunted, turned, and walked stiffly to his car. This type of news would take a bit to process. He wasn’t even sure if he could believe it, despite how Miguel had insisted it was true. The drive to work was a troubled blur, the story twisting around Locus’s head until the anxiety was nigh overwhelming. 

If this was true - if this had happened to Felix - how was Locus meant to deal with the knowledge? What was he supposed to do here? 

He was grateful that work was only the usual. There were no families for him to talk to, and he could tune out Caboose’s ramblings. He made it through work on autopilot while his mind ran in circles. By the end of work, all he had was that, regardless of whether he believed Miguel or not, this was never something he bring up to Felix. 

It wasn’t much, especially since he had known that from the beginning. A part of him wanted to, however. If only to satiate the need for another’s contribution to the story, to hear another side, another opinion. 

At dinner, Felix zeroed in on him instantly. “Why are you being weird?” he demanded. The waiter had walked off with their orders. “What’s wrong with you?” 

Locus blinked. “Nothing.” 

“Bullshit.” 

“I’m thinking. That’s all.” 

Felix raised his eyebrows, staring at him. After a moment, he shrugged, leaned back in his chair. “Fine. But you better be thinking of me.” 

It took a moment for Locus to answer. He was too busy trying to stop himself from imagining Felix in a vulnerable place - a vulnerable Felix that had been drugged and -  “Of course,” he said quietly. “What else would I have to think about?” 

“Good. Then pay attention to what I’m saying.” 

He tried, really, to refocus. All he managed to do was come to the reluctant conclusion that he would likely never really know if it had happened or not. Perhaps it was in his best interest to act as if it was, to offer support if Felix turned out to need it. 

And to try and file this away somewhere in his mind where it wouldn’t plague him. 

After dinner, Locus took Felix home and set immediately to this goal. He couldn’t let this continue to distract him. It would be best if he could go back and not hear it all, but at the very least, he could try not to worry about it too much. Until something gave him a hint of whether or not it was true, he needed to get his mind away from it. 

For the next few days, Locus turned his focus to planning Felix’s birthday, which was far more work than it should have been. First was choosing a restaurant - one expensive enough to make Felix happy enough but not so expensive that it drained Locus’s savings. After choosing several, he asked Felix what he’d like to eat. 

And Felix’s response was, “Something good. You pick.” By that evening, Felix had texted that he’d like lobster, actually. Locus had to cancel the first reservation and make a new one. A place that not on required reservations, but formal wear as well. So he asked if Felix had a tux, or at least a suit.

And of course he didn’t, so Locus got to take him to a tailor and tell Felix that no, he could not have the most expensive suit he tried on. “You’re going to buy something I can pay for,” Locus had told him quietly.

Felix scoffed. “At least fuck me in it, okay?” 

“You are absurd.” 

That exchange led to Felix insisting that birthday sex was much better than other sex and that Locus positively had to do it. It was a tiring conversation and before they had even made it home, Felix was telling Locus not to forget his gift. 

“The suit is your gift,” Locus said. 

“What? No. That’s stupid.” He grinned smugly and patted Locus on the shoulder, ignoring the glare he got in return. “Get me a real gift. Make it a good one.” 

Locus was liable to shove him out the moving car at this rate. 

Making arrangements around Felix’s constant demands did prove as a good distraction, however. Right up until the sixteenth, when Felix barged into his room with anger curled through his body - from the way he stood to the dark expression on his face. Locus took one look at him and his heart sank immediately. “Felix...?” 

“I’m so fucking tired of this,” Felix snapped. He stood in the doorway and Locus gestured for him to come inside. “This - this fucking bullshit still hasn’t stopped!” He slammed the door behind him as he spoke. “Like, it’s two days ‘til my birthday and people are still all ‘oh Felix have you seen this?’ and ‘hey did you hear this?’ “ 

Locus said nothing. He watched Felix start to pace around his room and waited. 

“Someone actually asked me if I knew the guy,” Felix said. He moved his hands as he spoke, gesturing at nothing, his eyes never settling on anything. “Why the  _ fuck _ would someone ask me that? What jackass thinks it’s cool to ask someone if they knew a rapist?” He went along that vein for a while, ranting about what his friends had asked him, about how no one seemed to want to let this die. 

At some point, Locus sat down on his bed, still watching Felix track circles through his carpet. When Felix ran out of steam and his pacing slowed, he slumped down on the bed by Locus, glaring at the floor. Locus stayed silent, unsure of what to say or how he would say anything without setting Felix off again. It didn’t help matters that his mind had instantly brought up that conversation with Miguel again it was all he could think about now. He paused before laying a hand on Felix’s thigh, and hesitated briefly before squeezing.

At that simple motion, Felix seemed to deflate. He sighed as if a heavy weight settled on his shoulders and said, “I just want it to die, y’know? Let the shit stay dead.” 

“I know.” 

“I killed him, y’know that?” 

“I assumed so, yes.” The things he had read had said as much. 

Felix looked at him then, eyes still dark and angry. “Lots of shit online says he was hung but I didn’t do that. Guy was a piece of a shit, didn’t deserve that kind of effort.” He glanced down at his hands and then placed one over Locus’s on his thigh. “I stabbed him over forty times. He begged for his life.”

“Forty seems like a bit much,” Locus said. His heart was beating hard against his ribs, anxiety bubbling at the simple idea of what Felix may have been through. 

“He deserved more,” Felix said. His grip on Locus’s hand tightened and his voice was quieter when he spoke again. “Bastard actually said he was sorry for it. Like he thought apologizing would change things.” 

It was so close to an admission of fact that Locus’s heart skipped a beat. Felix hadn’t said anything more and the air between them would soon become awkward and uncomfortable. Locus did the only thing he thought of: He pulled his hand from Felix only to grasp him at the shoulders and pull him close. Felix made a surprised noise, pushing at Locus’s waist. 

“What the fuck?” Felix said. “Why’re you doing this?” 

Locus only hummed quietly, holding Felix tighter. He locked his arms around Felix’s waist and held tight until the other stopped struggling. 

“Hugs don’t solve anything,” Felix muttered. “I’m still mad.” 

“You would surprise me if you weren’t.” There was nothing else he could do here, no matter how much Felix disliked it. Locus pressed a kiss to Felix’s temple and Felix sighed. 

“Can you let me go?” 

“In a moment.” He was rubbing Felix’s back with one hand now, a motion that had proven to relax Felix in the past. “Perhaps when you’re a little less upset.” 

Felix cursed softly and shifted, squirming a bit until his body was fitted against Locus’s own. “I was hopin’ you’d fuck me,” he said. “It’ll make me feel better.” 

“How about we go out to a movie instead?” There was some ridiculous romcom that Felix had been wanting to see - the third one of the year - and Locus was not looking forward to it. But he would much rather take a sappy film over sleeping with Felix right now. He loosened his grip and smiled to himself when Felix didn’t move an inch. “Or we can stay here.” 

Felix pulled away then. “I’ll take the movies. You paying?” 

“Not if you want your gift.” Before Felix could respond to that, Locus took hold of his face, leaning in and kissing him softly. He kissed Felix until the other sighed against his lips, and when he drew back, Felix followed for another. 

Locus may not be good at talking, at knowing what to say to Felix when he was upset, but calming him down proved easier than he thought. He could tolerate a horrible movie for his partner’s comfort.

✹ ✹ ✹

Felix spent the night on the seventeenth, curled up underneath the blankets with Locus surrounding him. They hadn’t had sex, which was usually why Felix stayed over, because he insisted on saving it for today. Birthday sex was always the best. 

He woke up to an empty bed and the sound of water running. Locus must be in the shower. Felix considered joining him, but in the end he just stood up and pulled on a pair of pants. Breakfast was a good thought and his growling stomach was making one hell of an argument. Food first, shower after. 

The instant he left the bedroom, he walked right into a conversation between Grey and Wash, of all people. He hadn’t even thought Wash could walk into this apartment, like his avoidance of Locus was too strong or something.

Grey was sitting at the bar, Wash in the kitchen in front of her. A cup of coffee sat in front of her. “It’s just that she’s gonna be gone for so long,” she said. “She hasn’t been deployed since we started dating I think that’s why it’s such a big issue for me, I don’t know.” 

Wash said, “It’s always hard, trust me. Maine’s leaving too.” He shrugged. “Of course he is. They’re in the same squad. Always ship out together.” 

“This is going to suck,” Grey sighed. 

Felix chose then to walk up to them. The moment, he got close, they both looked at him and Grey had a fake smile painted across her face in an instant. She greeted him with words, Wash with just a nod. Felix spoke to Wash first: “Y’know, Locus is probably going to be out of the shower soon. You might wanna go.” 

Instantly, Wash rolled his eyes. “Right. Thanks for the warning.” He said a brief goodbye to Grey, told Felix he would see him at home later, and then he was gone.

When the door shut, Grey said, “That was nice of you.” She took a swallow of coffee. “Since when are you nice?” 

Felix headed for the fridge, frowning at the distinct lack of fake milk. The one time he didn’t want to deal with stomach pains and there wasn’t a substitute. He turned to go for the creamer instead - coffee, obviously, was the first thing on his mind. “Locus always stares at Wash like he’s the greatest thing on earth,” he said. Creamer was worse than milk but it’d have to do. “I’m not putting up with that today, you get it?”

She was smiling for real now. “It’s your birthday, right?”

He nodded, pouring the coffee into a mug. “Yeah. So it stands that Locus should only have his eyes on me. He can stare at Wash some other day.” 

Grey giggled into her coffee. “You know Locus works today, right?” 

“I do too. Doesn’t mean he has to stare at Wash’s ass when I’m right here.” 

“Ugh. Work on your birthday. How could they do that to you?” 

She was obviously joking, but he still nodded. “I totally should have had today off.” He drank a bit of the coffee and shrugged. “It’s fine, though, ‘cause tonight I got a dinner with Locus and it’ll be great.” A lobster dinner at a really fancy restaurant, a great gift for him, and then birthday sex. Today was going to be good. 

Even if he had to leave for work after a quick breakfast, after assuring Locus that he’d pick up the suit from the tailors on the way home. It was an early shift, not too long, though it seemed to stretch on forever. Felix bided his time between helping idiot customers by thinking about tonight and how lobster must taste. And when his shift ended and he finally got to the apartments, he went to Locus’s rather than his  own to get ready. 

The suit fit well, made him look even better. Maybe a bit too masculine but he could deal with it for a night. He didn’t even bother with a tie, and wore his boots in place of dress shoes. Close enough. Still looked damn fine. 

Locus wore a tie, of course. Had the whole suit neat and clean, all buttoned up, shirt tucked in. He looked Felix over and sighed. “Felix. At least tuck in the shirt.” 

“Nah, I’m good.” He let his gaze wander over Locus and smiled. “You, though. You look fantastic.” He reached for Locus and was rewarded with Locus grasping his waist and tugging him forward. A kiss should follow.

But, no. Locus only started tucking the shirt in for him. “You need to look presentable.” 

Felix scoffed. “Fuck presentable. I’m hot.” He shoved Locus’s hands back to finish with the shirt himself. Buttoning up the jacket was absolutely not going to happen, however, and he would not put on a tie. “It’s my birthday,” he told a frowning Locus. “I say I look fine, and I do. The restaurant will think the same - I mean, look at me. How could you not think I look great?” 

Locus did kiss him then, and when they parted he looked into Felix’s eyes and said, “This was a very expensive restaurant. You will behave while we’re there.” 

“That was romantic,” Felix said, “but I think you can do better.” 

“We should leave now,” Locus said. He was already started toward the door, not even waiting for Felix to follow him. “If we’re late, we might lose the reservation and then you’ll be paying me back for it.” 

Alright. Fair point. Felix followed him then, and managed to stay quiet until the door to the apartment was locked. He talked about the dinner, if Locus had ever had lobster (no), what Locus thought lobster might taste like (fish). He dragged Locus to the elevator and halfway down suddenly had a realization. He patted the pockets of his suit, glanced up at Locus. 

“So,” he said causally. “I, uh… may have forgotten my epipen.” 

He could feel the irritation as Locus exhaled deeply. 

“Hey, you can’t be mad at me,” Felix said. “It’s my birthday and I need an epipen in case I die.” Locus shot him a frown at that, and Felix quickly reworded  it. “So I don’t die? From an allergy?” 

Locus grunted. 

Good enough. So long as Locus wasn’t getting anxiety like he usually did when Felix’s allergies came up. 

The elevator doors opened. “Give me your key,” Felix said, “so I can go get it. Won’t take me a minute.” It was in his jeans on Locus’s floor. He could’ve sworn he had pocketed it but apparently the excitement of lobster on his birthday was too distracting. 

By the time he made it downstairs again, Locus had the car backed out of its spot and waiting. Technically it was blocking two other cars but those people were insignificant and Felix was important. He said nothing about it when he got into the car, only told Locus to go before they were late. He ignored the look from Locus, the comment that he was the one making them late. He was hunger and there was lobster waiting.

The restaurant itself was packed - full parking lot, full indoors. Everyone inside wore immaculate clothes, suits and beautiful dresses; the waitstaff and host wore matching dark uniforms, styled and fitted. Even the tables were nice, dark wood with red cloth draped over it. Exactly like a restaurant Felix would have gone to with his parents, but they never wanted to take him to lobster. Fancy restaurants stopped around high school anyway. 

It was obvious, though, once they were seated, that Locus had never stepped foot into a place like this. And this wasn’t even five star; Felix hadn’t been lucky enough to get that kind of food. Not yet. 

But Locus, poor guy. He already looked anxious. 

Felix nudged him with one foot. “Hey. Locs. Chill out, yeah?” 

Locus had been glancing around the restaurant, but his eyes settled back on Felix. “I didn’t know it would look like this,” he said. “It cost a bit more than I had expected, but - “

“It isn’t five star,” Felix cut in. He had the menu open before him but didn’t even have to look at it. Lobster was easy to order, he was sure. “Couldn’t have cost that much.” 

“Between the reservation, your suit, and the expected cost of two lobster dinners,” Locus said, “this night has cost me more than it should have.” He was fiddling with the edge of the cloth and Felix was suddenly griped by an urge to stop him. People in nice restaurants like this didn’t fuck with the table settings. “Why do you think you aren’t getting a gift?” 

He blinked. “Uh, what was that? It’s my birthday you’re supposed to give me things.” 

“The suit is a gift,” Locus said. “This dinner is another gift.” 

Felix frowned. “You really didn’t get me anything? You’re such a dick.” The waitress came by then to take orders, and Felix was more than happy to let Locus do that. The second she was gone, he leaned over the table and hissed, “See if I do anything nice on your birthday.” 

Locus raised his eyebrows slightly. He didn’t break eye contact as he said, “You were avoiding me on my birthday. I had an attack.” 

“I meant next year.” He let silence fall over them, tracking a couple that looked vaguely familiar as they crossed the restaurant. Might have been people he fucked once, who knew. When he refocused on Locus, the waitress was approaching with their drinks. As he took a long swallow of it - soda for now; he was absolutely going to request some alcohol later - he studied Locus with narrowed eyes. “Other people get me gifts,” he said. “Hell, even Tucker said he’d get me something.” 

Across the table, Locus was rolling his eyes. 

“Sister’s gift is supposed to be a ‘surprise’ - god only knows what she means by that.” He paused, then added, “Miguel got me a great gift. Wanna know what it was?” 

Locus only looked bored. Shame. Felix was hoping mentioning Miguel would make him jealous. “Something sexual, I’m assuming.” 

It was totally sexual, but there was also a gift of more free weed and a one hundred dollar Amazon gift card. “Yeah, well…” 

Locus smirked and took a drink. 

“You don’t eat my ass anymore,” Felix said quietly. He watched as Locus choked on his water and fought back a laugh. “Someone has to.” 

“We are in public,” Locus said. 

“Like anyone heard me.” 

Teasing Locus was always entertaining. Bringing sex into it in public places just made it moreso. Poor guy looked like he was liable to implode, or possibly strangle Felix, but damn it was amusing. Made for a great way to spend the time until the food arrived. He teased Locus up until the big guy’s shoulders were tense and he was glaring and then Felix gracefully stopped. Even gave an apology, reached across the table to squeeze Locus’s hand. 

Locus was having none of his sweet talk, though. He stared Felix down as he said, “Our food is coming. Try to behave yourself.” 

Felix smiled brightly. Seconds before the waitress arrived, he said under his breath, “Maybe I’ll give you a BJ under the table, yeah? That’d be good.” 

Locus flushed and under the bright lights of the restaurant, Felix could actually see the effect on his dark skin. It was wonderful. He had a hand to his temple as the food was placed before them, sighing. Felix dismissed the waitress with a smile and he would absolutely love to have something to drink - like, something alcoholic. 

The waitress took his ID and said, “Oh. Well, hey, happy birthday.”

Felix grinned smugly, taking it back from her and diving right into the lobster. It tasted great, like better than he thought he would. Maybe part of that was how much it cost. Expensive things were typically better, after all. He urged Locus to try it himself. 

And then Locus’s opinion was, “It’s not bad.” 

Felix snorted. “ ‘Not bad’? That’s it, huh? Please, Locs, this is amazing.” He wasn’t usually a big fan of seafood. Lobster must be the exception. 

By the time the waitress even made it back with the beer he’d ordered, Felix had started to feel a bit… off. Little bit like something was caught in his throat. He took a swallow of alcohol, cleared his throat, and drank a bit more. 

A few minutes passed, Felix talking idly with Locus and trying to ignore the growing feeling that this wasn’t right. Something was wrong - and it was very quickly getting worse. The odd feeling in his throat was swelling, and that swelling in turn was making it difficult to breathe.

Felix knew immediately what this was. 

He cursed, huffed out a breath and regretted it when it was impossible to get the air back. He set his fork back down on the plate, giving the lobster an accusing glare. 

Locus was watching him. “Are you alright?” he asked 

Felix opened his mouth and what came out was something close to a wheeze. At Locus’s growing concern, he shook his head, choked out, “Can’t breathe,” and plunged a hand into his pocket. His hand was shaking when he pulled the epipen out; that wasn’t a symptom. That was fear. 

Everytime this happened - every time he ingested something that did this to him, it filled him with the startling fear that this time, it would kill him. One of these stupid food allergies was going to be the thing that finally got him. Maybe one day he wouldn’t be fast enough to get the epipen or - or something. 

Locus was at his side in an instant, a steadying hand on Felix’s shoulder. Felix didn’t see the concern on his face, too busy fighting against the dizziness that was flooding through. He hissed, “Goddamn stupid allergies,” and stabbed himself with the epipen. 

Relief was nigh instantaneous. He could breathe again, and really, that was all he cared about right then. 

Locus hadn’t left. A waitress - not theirs, another one - was rushing over. People at the closest tables were looking. 

Felix hated it. This wasn’t the attention he craved. There was nothing good about the look on Locus’s face, the worry in the waitress’s voice as she asked him if he was okay, if she could do anything to help. 

This was pity.

It was disgusting, demeaning. 

Quietly, he said, “Epipen won’t last.” 

Locus was squeezing his shoulder. “Right. I’ll take you to the hospital.” 

Felix grimaced. Hospitals were the only thing worse than pity. But right now, he wasn’t sure he should deny the trip. He tried to wave the waitress off, but then Locus  requested the check. Asshole was still all about rules and bullshit when Felix could have died sitting here. 

Once the waitress was out of earshot, Locus said to him, “Allergic reaction? To the... the lobster?”

“Guess so,” he said. He wasn’t aware he was allergic to lobsters, or any kind of shellfish or seafood. Always good times here, discovering allergies, nearly dying from his dinner. 

Locus wouldn’t move from his side. A finger touched his neck and Felix twitched. “Do you always get hives?” 

“No.” He raised a hand to his neck and took a deep, shaky breath. Goddamn epipens always made him feel shaky and weak. Or maybe that was the allergy. How was he supposed to know? Either way, he felt like he wouldn’t be able to support his own weight.

When the waitress returned, she was spewing apologies and saying they had no idea. Locus paid her with cash, told her to keep the change. And then he was pulling Felix to his feet, an arm around his waist. As they were headed out the door, he said to Locus, “I didn’t know. I’ve eaten crab before.”

“I’m sure the doctors will understand,” Locus said. 

“Doctors sucks,” was the last thing he said before he was getting in the car. He laid the seat back as far as it would go, sighing. Now all he could do was wait - wait for the hospital, wait in quiet anxious fear for the allergy symptoms to start up again. ‘Cause if they were really bad, one shot might not be enough. 

He didn’t talk as Locus drove, not wanting to speak because the only things he would say would be what was drifting through his head. All those memories of hospitals and doctor visits. So many people prodding at him as a child. Allergy tests and needles. Some young blonde doctor showing his mother how to use an epipen designed for her six-year-old son - just in case he ate peanuts. And then that same doctor, older and with lines in her face, teaching him at age twelve to do the same. 

He hated it. 

As the hospital began to fill the windshield, he groaned. “Can’t we just go home?”

“I’m not risking you having another attack,” Locus said. His voice was strained. Felix glanced at him and wasn’t surprised to see the tense way he held his shoulders, the tightness that he gripped the steering wheel with. “You’re going in. We’ll get you checked out, make sure you’re okay. Then we can go home.” 

Sadly, he knew better than to argue. He walked into the ER - Locus’s decision, not his - and tried to ignore how his legs were still shaky. At the registration desk, the first thing he did was slap the emptied and now useless epipen in front of the lady. “Anaphylaxis,” he said blandly. “Gimme another shot.”

Fortunately it seemed that a life-threatening allergic reaction sped up waiting in the ER. Only ten minutes before he was called back - for his vitals of course, and information. The nurse gave him another shot then, told him he would be okay to wait until a doctor could test him. 

“Test me for what?”

The nurse was putting away the blood pressure equipment. Apparently Felix’s pulse rate was down. What a surprise - or not at all. More allergy bullshit. “The doctor will explain more.” 

And then it was back to waiting, only now with an anxiety ridden Locus clutching at one of his hands. Felix muttered quiet assurances to him, promises that he had been through this before, it’d all be okay. In reality, he was glaring down some poor lady who was heaving racking coughs. Hospital waiting was the worst. But waiting for allergy testing? That won out, no doubt. 

The doctor took nearly half an hour to see him, and the first thing the man did was that damn skin prick test that Felix was dreading. He watched as the skin raised, sighing in resignation. “So,” he said casually. “Another allergy for me, then.” 

“I’m afraid so,” the doctor said. The man patted him on the shoulder. “Shellfish.” He called a nurse in, ordered an IV for antihistamines and Felix trained his eyes on the ceiling. “We’ll make sure the allergen is out of your system before you’re released.” 

The IV didn’t hurt. Felix grunted at the nurse as she pushed in the needle. She left without a word to him, and Felix sat there on the shitty hospital table and looked at the fluids that were being pumped through his blood. 

In a few minutes, Locus came in and Felix took one look at the guy and nearly laughed “You look like a wreck,” he said. 

Locus dropped into a chair left in the room. He reached for Felix slowly, and Felix eased off the table carefully. As soon as he was on his feet, Locus’s arms wrapped around his waist, hands squeezing at his back. “I don’t like waiting,” he said, “while you could be back here dying.” 

Felix did laugh then, quietly. He wove his fingers through Locus’s hair, encouraging the man to hold onto him. “I’m fine,” he said. “I told you out in the waiting room that I’ve done this before. Hospitals suck but it’s no big deal.” 

Locus’s turned his face into Felix’s chest, breathing deeply. 

A couple of seconds passed before Felix took a breath and called out for a nurse. The moment one of them stepped into the doorway, he said, “Hey, can you get this guy a Xanax or something? He’s my ride home and he’s going to melt into an anxiety ridden puddle soon. Kind of hard to drive that way.” The nurse looked unsure, so he added, “He has a prescription.” 

The nurse said, “I’ll see what I can do,” and disappeared again. 

Felix shifted on his feet, careful of the tube in his arm. Letting Locus cling to him may be a comfort for the big guy but it was getting old really fast. The hands on his back were heavy, hot when paired with the loose suit jacket. Not to mention how close and tight Locus kept holding him. It was suffocating. 

Took far too long for the nurse to return. She held a paper cup of water when she did, along with two pills. “Here you go,” she said. “Can’t give out Xanax to a person who isn’t a patient - prescription drug, can’t just hand it out. This should help, though.” She was addressing Locus, who slowly lifted his head up from Felix. “It’ll relax you enough to get you too home safely. Do not take your own medication on top of this.” 

Locus nodded, taking the medication and taking it swiftly. 

As for Felix, it was another forty-five minutes before they cleared him for release. By then, Locus had relaxed a fair bit and Felix was complaining about how this had ruined his birthday. “Now I can’t have birthday sex,” he said as they sat there, alone. “Too tired for sex.”

Locus frowned at him. “Public place, Felix.” He sounded worn out as well. 

“This shit is always so tiring,” Felix continued. “I don’t know why. Maybe allergies like this wear me out, maybe I just really hate hospitals.” 

“We can both rest when we get home,” Locus said. 

That was a perfect suggestion. The greatest one, really, and the exact thing all the nurses and the doctor told him. He welcomed it, really. When he was given permission to leave, he let Locus lead him back out front. A nurse gave him another epipen before they left, and he pocketed it on the way out the door. 

Neither of them spoke on the way home. Felix sat his seat up partially, lounging as he stared out the window. Locus drive silently, taking the quickest route back to the apartment. 

When they pulled up and parked, Felix heaved a sigh. “God, I just want to collapse and sleep. Good idea, yeah?” 

Locus gave a noise of agreement. He left the car first and then came over to Felix’s side, ignoring how Felix said he could walk just fine. Could certainly let himself out of a car without help. He didn’t push Locus away though, even leaned against him in the elevator. More for Locus’s warmth than anything. It was such a pleasant feeling, always had been, and Felix was longing to sleep with that heat around him. 

Opening the door to his apartment, however, unleashed noise and people instead of quiet. He blinked, startled, as several people turned to look at him. And then screamed. It was probably words, but Felix was so instantly angered that he heard nothing. 

Tucker and Sister materialized out of the crowd. “Hey, asshole!” Tucker said. He was grinning, holding a drink in one hand. “Took you long enough to get home. What kind of dinner were you having?” 

“The kind that took me to the hospital,” Felix said dryly. “What the fuck is this?” 

“Birthday party!” Sister said. She had a bottle in each hand and held one out to him. “Why were you at the hospital?” 

Felix stared at her, then glared at Tucker. “I don’t want this,” he said. “Send them home.” 

Tucker’s grin faltered. “Uhh.. what” 

“Send them home.” 

“Are you fuckin‘ serious?” 

Felix breathed harshly out his nose. He was liable to punch Tucker in the face. Locus’s hand was still on his waist, tight and unrelenting. Holding him still. “I just got back from the hospital,” he said. “Anaphylaxis. You know about that, right? The life threatening allergic reaction?” 

Tucker’s grin was gone completely. Sister whistled quietly and pulled back the beer she had offered. “That sucks, dude,” she said. 

Felix grunted. When either one of them reacted or listened to his order, he turned on his heel and shoved past Locus to get back outside. Locus followed him, naturally, shutting the door. Felix headed to Locus’s apartment and waited impatiently for Locus to unlock it. Inside, Grey was asleep on the couch, the TV blaring. 

In Locus’s room, it was blissfully quiet. Felix shrugged out of his jacket, said, “Don’t hate me if I pass out instantly.” He started stripping - and the instant his shirt left his shoulders, Locus’s fingers replaced it. Warm and ghosting over his skin in a way that made him tingle. Felix said, “Don’t do that,” and Locus hummed, pressed his palm flat against Felix’s skin. 

“You can go to sleep,” Locus said. “I’ll be right with you.” 

Felix wanted to make fun of him for that. He wanted to tease Locus for being overprotective and hounding him over something as simple as an allergy attack, but he just laughed and crawled naked into the bed.

And, naturally, Locus followed. Locus shed his own suit, joining Felix in bed wearing just his underwear. He curled around Felix, running fingers through Felix’s hair. “I’m sorry,” he said, “that your birthday wasn’t what you expected.” 

Felix sighed, scooting closer to him. “It sucked, yeah,” he said. “Not your fault, though.” 

Locus hummed, kissing his forehead softly. 

Felix fell asleep to the feeling of Locus rubbing a hand down his arm, to fingers scratching softly over his scalp. 

✹ ✹ ✹

Felix’s birthday sucked. There was no other way around it. 

It sucked. He hated it, he hated that he couldn’t eat something that tasted as good as lobster because his body had yet again decided that it was weak. Couldn’t handle peanuts, or lobster, couldn’t even handle a touch of latex without breaking out in a rash. 

And to top it off, that jackass was still all over the news. His birthday was supposed to have been a great respite from it, a relief against all the bullshit that kept plaguing him over and over and over. But it hadn’t been and it wasn’t stopping.

The news on the nineteenth? The girls running the suit were encouraging others to come forth with evidence, with claims, to put their stories with other survivors. 

On the twenty-second, it was that the family was losing the court case.

Maybe Felix should have been pleased with that information, but he wasn’t. The guy was dead. He had seen to that. Never should have had to hear the jackasses name again, never should have seen his face ever. 

That evening, Felix packed up his knives and his tools and left at two in the morning. He had no plans, no one lined up for a swift kill. He was going hunting the hard way: sitting outside some club that was in full swing. He had the cigarettes he was never going to actually smoke and it only took half an hour for some idiot to wander outside by themselves. 

Felix leapt at the chance to let off some steam. The first cut through the girls’ throat was the best feeling, the greatest unleashing he had ever felt. He had the potential here in front of him to let all of his bad, haunting feelings go away. 

He had his prey beneath him, bleeding out quickly, a knife to her gut. 

Someone spoke. Just one word: “Hey.” 

And Felix froze for a split second. In his haste to kill, he fucked up and stopped paying attention, stopped being aware of what going on around him. And now someone saw him. He spun around, a knife in each hand, and pinned his gaze on a figure shrouded in shadow, standing by the open back door of the club. Felix cursed, grabbing his knives and the duffle as he bolted to his feet.

Whoever that was, they said, “Hey! What the hell are you doing?” 

Felix ran. He sped down the alleyway as fast he could, heart running miles faster than it ever should. He struggled to pull the keys out of his pocket, throwing a glance over shoulder, fearing that he had been followed. 

No one there.

He threw the duffel into the car as he jumped in, starting it as soon as he could. This was bad. He had fucked up bad here and there was only one thing he knew to do.

It started with getting back home. 

At his apartment, Felix threw Tucker’s keys on the kitchen counter, hurrying to his room. He stripped as soon as the door shut, dropping his dark hunting clothes to the ground. He threw open his closet, digging for a spare backpack and then filling it with clothes - enough for at least a week. More if he could find somewhere with a washer. He threw the first aid kit in with it. There was a box in the bottom drawer of his desk that held cash - a savings bank, in a way. Something he had kept up with for just this purpose. His phone charger, too.

He stuck the knives in the top of his closet where the box holding the IDs of the dead sat. He could only hope no one would track him down and find all of it. 

Felix had fucked up.

And he was getting out of this city for as long as it took for his fuckup to leave the news. That might mean forever, it might mean a month. Didn’t matter. 

When he left, he stuck a note on the fridge. Some bullshit about his mother being in the hospital and that he had to leave for an undetermined amount of time. He planned to text Locus as soon as he was somewhere safe. 

After that, he took his bike and he headed out of the city. 

The second step for Felix’s escape from his own disaster in the making lay outside the bounds of the city. A large expanse of land. One house, couple barns. All owned by a so-called mechanic, a repairman. All of that, though, was a lie. 

Felix’s safety, his fallback plan, was one man. A smuggler who sold guns and knives and god only knew what else to people within Armonia and its surrounding cities. A man with more power than he should have, who had witnessed Felix taking his second kill. And that man, rather than turning Felix in, had guaranteed that Felix could depend on him. 

He had always thought it was a stupid idea to trust a guy he didn’t know, so he never did. Coming here at early four in the morning wasn’t trust. It was the only place he had to go - besides jail, of course.

Felix parked his bike outside the door and took the steps two at a time. He slammed his fists on the door until it opened, but then it wasn’t who he wanted.

The mustached, obnoxious idiot answered the door instead. “Ah, look who we have here,” this man said. 

“Ohh, fuck off,” Felix said. “I don’t have time for you.” 

This wasn’t who he came to find. This was some dick called Wyoming, annoying and British and full of bullshit. “Knock knock,” he said.

“Shut up.” 

“Knock. Knock.” 

“You are fucking impossible.” 

“Fine, I suppose I’ll do your part as well.” Wyoming was smiling then, but his eyes were flashing with irritation. “Who’s there?”

“Can you just - “

Wyoming reached forward and prodded Felix in the chest, producing an annoyed sharp noise from Felix. “You,” he said. “You’re here. On my doorstep. At four in the morning.” 

Felix groaned, loudly. He rolled his eyes and just barely caught the light turning on upstairs, past Wyoming’s head. Instantly, he called out, “Hey! Flowers! Your dumb gay boyfriend won’t let me inside.” 

Wyoming glowered.

And Flowers finally revealed himself, stepping down the stairs. He wore an untied bathrobe printed with bright Hawaiian flowers. Messy hair spilled over his shoulders. Even at four in the morning, he was smiling brightly. “Felix,” he said, shoving Wyoming aside with one arm. “What a delightful surprise.” 


	7. i missed your skin when you were east

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy the continuation of Flowers. he's a delight.  
> bonus pov at the end - by that i mean this is literally the first time anyone other than Locus or Felix has a pov.
> 
> note: i apology profusely for how long this took. time kept getting away from me.  
> enjoy. read. comment. thank you bye

Flowers’ house was decorated to be inviting, to give off a nice pleasant environment. Various paintings were hung on the walls of the hall and entryway. An old quilt hung up in the dining room next to a bureau of displayed dishes. Photographs of Flowers and his stupid boyfriend were staring at Felix from the second shelf of the bureau. It looked way too nice for a mechanic to live there, and because all of this junk belonged to Flowers, it was just weird.

Someone like Flowers should live in a house with hidden traps and mounted turrets.

And a secret sex dungeon in the basement.

Instead, Flowers had nice decorations and kept all his tools in the shed out back. Felix had yet to figure out just where the guns and smuggling goods were hidden but they were here somewhere. Maybe in a barn, or the attic, or maybe there were hidden rooms in this place.

Wasn’t like he was allowed to go exploring.

The first time he was here, Felix hadn’t been allowed to even enter the house. The second visit, the one where he had picked up his knives, he had been invited to sit in the living room while Flowers processed his payment and fetched the knife set. The whole time, Wyoming had stared him down with suspicion in his eyes.

And that was what Felix was experiencing once more. Only this time, Flowers had ushered him into the dining room without caring about Felix’s protests. He now sat with his bag on the floor beside him and Wyoming glaring at him from across the table. Glasses of orange juice sat in front of them, untouched. The blinds and curtains of the windows hid the darkness outside, a clock ticked somewhere, and in the kitchen, Flowers was singing to himself.

“I had wanted to spend my night sleeping,” Wyoming said. “What about you? Were you in the mood for pancakes at four in the morning?”

Felix scowled. “I didn’t ask him to cook.” He said nothing about how the smell of freshly cooked pancakes was causing his stomach to growl.

“Once Butch is awake, he’s awake for the day.” Wyoming glanced over his shoulder to the kitchen door briefly before turning back to Felix. “You woke him. But you get to leave, don’t you? I have to deal with him all morning now.”

“Yeah, I feel so sorry for you.”

“I have to go to work on four hours of sleep.”

Felix held the man’s gaze but he didn’t respond. He hadn’t slept at all yet, and likely wouldn’t for a while; he was leaving town completely and this jackass was complaining about four hours of sleep. A peaceful nights sleep was out of the picture for both of them, it seemed. A couple more awkward minutes crawled by. Felix spent every second staring at the table and feeling nerves crawl over his skin - all this time he was wasting here. The guy who spotted him would definitely have called the police by now, which meant he’d be identified - or maybe the police would have a sketch artist.

Either way, Felix was in danger. He should be on the move, already be out of the city - hell, the state even.

But he sat here, waiting for pancakes from a smuggler who was always far too cheerful. Flowers left the kitchen with a plate of pancakes in each hand - three each, stacked up and steaming. Wyoming didn’t look away from Felix as a plate was set before him. Flowers winked at Felix as he set the other plate down, paying no mind to the instant look of displeasure on Felix’s face.

“This is a fantastic way to start the day,” Flowers said. He stood by the table, behind one of the empty chairs. That unnerving bright smile hadn’t left his face. “Now, Felix. I believe I know why you’re here, but I’ll have to get my own food before we talk.”

“We don’t have to eat - “

“I insist,” Flowers said, “that you eat.” His words were kind, but there was an edge to his eyes that had Felix looking away and slowly reaching for his fork. “Enjoy the pancakes, Felix. And you, Reggie. Don’t you dare leave my efforts untouched.” And then he left, drifting a hand over one of Wyoming’s shoulders as he passed.

Wyoming hadn’t touched his plate, hadn’t even moved. Arms still crossed, still glaring at Felix. He didn’t reach for his fork until Flowers had waltzed back in with a third plate in his hands. Flowers gave just one look at Wyoming and the British bastard started eating. Felix looked between them, mouth full of pancake, and came to one conclusion.

Wyoming was whipped as fuck.

Flowers sat down between them and this morning became the most awkward breakfast ever. All the odd cheer from Flowers didn’t abate the glare on Wyoming’s face, and both of them together only made Felix’s nerves worse. When half his plate was gone, Felix tried to cut the tension and get Flowers to talk to him about what he needed. And that was immediately shut down.

“Your breakfast isn’t finished,” Flowers said. “Please. Finish your food. Don’t be rude to the man you’ve come to for help.”

Literally every word out of Flowers’ mouth made Felix’s skin crawl. Something about the attitude, the cheerfulness underlined with some kind of ulterior motive. Definitely a bad motive somewhere in there. The man was odd, threatening, and an enigma - and Felix wanted out of this house before he found out which room the sex dungeon was in.

He finished his pancakes while listening to Flowers and Wyoming detail their day. Wyoming had work. Flowers had clients coming over. Whether they were for the mechanic business or the smuggling one, Felix had no idea. He didn’t want to ask. He sat there, empty plate and empty glass in front of him, and waited impatiently for the other two to finish.

The instant Flowers stood from his chair, Felix sat up straight, palms hitting the table. “Okay! Foods done, right?” he said. “So, you can talk to me about what I’m doing here. And I can leave.”

Flowers gave him a bright, unnerving smile. “In a moment. Don’t be so impatient.” He was headed toward the kitchen again, his dishes in his hands As he stopped by Wyoming to pick up those dishes, he said, “Now why don’t you bring your dishes in here for me?” It was a question but he phrased it like an order and Felix rolled his eyes before standing and following.

Like the rest of the house, Flowers’ kitchen was way too nice. All of the appliances were stainless steel and gleaming, everything cleaned up - except, of course, for what Flowers had used to cook the pancakes. Cheesy postcards from various countries were stuck to the fridge with smiley-face magnets. Flowers set the dishes he held in the sink, and motioned for Felix to the same. “There are more drinks in the fridge,” he said to Felix, “in case you’d like another. Please, don’t take the alcohol. It’s a bit too early in the day for drinking.”

He grinned like it was a great joke and Felix just stared at him.

The silence didn’t seem to bother Flowers one bit. His grin didn’t fade. “I’m going to go change. If you’ll wait for me in the living room, I’ll be back as quick as possible.”

Felix didn’t move until Flowers had left, and all he did then was dig his phone out of his pocket and frown at it. Nearly five. He had been here for almost half an hour and accomplished nothing. Meanwhile, the guy that spotted him would have already called the cops. His time was short, and goddamn Butch fuckin’ Flowers was wasting his time instead of helping.

Despite his frustration, Felix took the time to open the fridge. A box of beer was on the bottom shelf, but above that was three twelve packs of ginger ale. Not his choice of soda, but Felix popped one case open and pulled four drinks out. Something for the road. He slinked back to the dining room - empty now of Wyoming’s grumpy ass - and unzipped his bag to slip the drinks inside. Then he hoisted it back onto his shoulders and headed for the living room.

There was no sign of Wyoming here either. Felix took a seat in a chair slowly, glancing around at the place. Without the pair of them, it was too quiet in the house. All the curtains were drawn over the windows, the TV over the fireplace remained dark. The only thing Felix could hear was his own breathing and heartbeat.

That silence was soon broken by footsteps on the stairs, voices carrying to him. He heard Flowers hush Wyoming and then the two of them crossed into the living room. Flowers wore jeans and a dark shirt, all his hair pulled up messily. Wyoming, apparently, hadn’t seen any reason to get dressed just yet. He still wore a robe over  loose clothing and shot Felix a judgmental stare as he took a seat on the couch.

And, of course, Flowers was still smiling.

It was fucking creepy.

Flowers perched on the arm of the couch, and spoke before Felix had the chance to. “Reggie has informed me that you’re likely not here for our company,” he said evenly. “Which is a shame, I think, because I was so excited that you had come over.”

Felix made a face. “Why the fuck would I come here at four in the morning?”

Wyoming answered that one. “You wouldn’t. You’re here for a reason and I would very much like to know what it is.” His eyes were dark, hard to see but still drilling holes into Felix the longer they all sat there.

Felix hesitated. What he had done was such a huge mistake that he never really wanted it to come up to anyone. He was better than that.

When he didn’t speak, Flowers did. “Felix,” he said, “ever since I met you, I’ve felt as if I were a father figure to you.”

Not something Felix ever wanted to hear.

“You’re a fine young,” he paused, the slightest frown crossing his face, “...person.”

“Good save,” Felix murmured.

“Tell me what happened,” Flowers continued. He leaned forward, hands clasped in his lap, smiling at Felix. “You came here for my help. You can certainly tell me why.”

As much as Felix hated it, Flowers had a point. He could hardly show up and demand help from this guy without saying why. He doubted Flowers would ever let that slide. “Someone saw me,” he said after a brief pause. “I need to get out of the city.”

The effect was instant. Flowers straightened back up, looking over at Wyoming; that unnerving smile had finally vanished from his face. Wyoming had sighed as if this were the most tiring news he had heard in his life. The tension in the room seemed to multiply, which was amazing since Felix hadn’t thought he could be any more anxious.

Wyoming spoke first. “I could have guessed it would be something like this.” He directed a stare onto Felix, irritation strong in his eyes.

“Now, Reggie,” Flowers said, “he’s young. We’ve all made mistakes.” Though he had managed to keep his voice light and calm, the absence of the smile showed how serious he was taking this. Felix had fucked up bad enough that both of these jackasses were judging him for it. “I need to know exactly what happened, how long ago this was, and how you’ve handled the evidence.”

Felix frowned. “Evidence?”

“Your knives,” Flowers said. “Anything that will point toward you as the killer.” When Felix started to answer, he held up a hand. “Not now. Start with what happened.”

It went against every fiber of Felix’s being to speak about his mistakes. He did so anyway, with a sigh, casting his eyes to the right as he spoke. Most of the dirty details he left out - the business with the rapist, the shitfest that was his birthday dinner - but the important parts he kept. He was angry. He hunted. And he failed. Badly.

When he finished, Wyoming spoke first. “We are harboring a fugitive,” he said quietly.

Flowers laughed quietly. “So we are.” He had leaned forward again, staring intently at Felix. “Are you certain this person saw you?”

“Wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t.”

“Of course.” Flowers glanced at Wyoming again, then slid off the arm of the couch. “Now. What have you done with the knives? The clothes you were wearing? And the vehicle you were driving, if that was spotted then we’ll have to deal with that too.”

Felix shook his head. “Car was around the corner. No one would have seen it.” Not to mention that the person who saw him didn’t follow when he ran down the alley. Probably paid attention to his victim, even though that idiot was already dead. Worked in his favor, though.

“Were there any cameras?” Flowers asked.

“I - I don’t know.” Who the hell put a camera by an alleyway? “I don’t think so.”

Wyoming muttered something under his breath. “I’ll take care of any cameras,” he said to Flowers. To Felix, he said, “You, fool. Where were you at tonight?”

“Yeah, I’m not a fool, thanks.”

“You were caught in the act. You’re much more than a fool.”

Felix straightened up, glaring at Wyoming, more than ready to rip the jackass to pieces.

“Do not start anything,” Flowers said, voice stern. “Either of you. Felix, give Reggie the name so we can get started.” He looked back at Wyoming briefly. “And you, do not insult him. He came to us for help.” There was an element of pride to his voice that was only mildly unsettling.

“It was Tripp’s,” Felix said flatly. “It’s a shit bar in a shit part of the city, so I highly doubt they have cameras out in the alley.”

“Address,” Wyoming demanded. Once Felix recited the address, he left the room at a brisk walk.

Which just left Flowers. “Your knives,” he said.

“At my apartment.”

Flowers nodded. “Naturally. I’ll need your address then.” Before Felix could protest, he continued: “We cannot leave the murder weapon where anyone can find it. If you are in any way suspected of this, those knives will condemn you.” His smile had left again as he walked closer to Felix, stopping right before the chair he sat in. Flowers said, “If those knives are found, they may lead back to me. And even with all the connections I have, solid evidence like that will still be a threat. As much as I adore you, you will not lead to an arrest. Now, give me your address.”

No arguing with that. Felix gave up his address without hesitation, watching Flowers warily as the man retreated back to the couch. He had pulled his phone from his pocket, and in under a minute, he had Felix’s number and was detailing how he would give updates about the whole situation. By the time Wyoming walked back into the room several minutes later, Flowers had moved onto a cabin. “You can borrow the spare keys,” he said. “Just so long as you promise not to break anything or ruin the decor. I work hard to make places look this nice.”

Wyoming stopped at the back of the couch, frowning at both of them. “What exactly are you giving this child keys to?”

Felix frowned.“Fuck you, jackass.” Now that the conversation was actually moving how he wanted it to, Felix was slowing becoming more and more relaxed. Or, at the very least, he was less tense and anxious to leave. There was no chance in hell he’d be relaxed around these two.

Both of them ignored him. Flowers looked up at Wyoming, still smiling, the creepy fucker. “I’m letting Felix into our cabin,” he said. “The one just at the border.”

Wyoming’s response was instant: “Absolutely not.”

And then Felix was sitting there, rolling his eyes and listening to two grown men argue about whether or not he was allowed to step foot into a cabin. Flowers said it was a fine idea, a way to get Felix out of the city and keep him safe - definitely meant keeping tabs on him - and Wyoming, unsurprisingly, disagreed on the stance that Felix was Felix.

What a douchebag.

If he had been inclined to talk to them, Felix would want the cabin keys now so he could get the hell out of here. So long as Flowers promised not to bother him while he was there, a cabin sounded great.

It took less than two minutes for Flowers to win the argument and turn back to Felix, hands clapped together. “Now that that’s settled,” he said, “I hope you’ll enjoy your time in the cabin. Reggie, get the keys.”

Wyoming walked to the front door, pulling a set of keys from the rings on the wall. He didn’t hand them to Felix, but dropped them into one of Flower’s hands before leaving the room again.

Felix tracked the man until he disappeared behind a wall and then refocused on Flowers. “The fuck is wrong your boyfriend?” he said quietly. “That’s one grumpy fuck.”

“Oh, he’s much nicer when we’re alone.”

“He’s whipped.”

Flowers chuckled, but didn’t respond. Instead, he said, “The cabin isn’t near any cities, nice and secluded. It’s our getaway for winter vacations. You’ll be fine there. Not a single person should recognize or bother you.”

Sounded better than Felix had initially thought. He stood as Flowers approached him, taking the keys when they were offered. “You’re really just going to…. Give me your keys?” he asked.

Flowers’ smile widened instantly into a brilliant grin. “Of course not! That would be silly.” He clapped one hand on Felix’s shoulders, paying no mind to how Felix immediately tensed. “I will let you use my cabin until this is solved, but you will owe me for this. Add in Reggie and I covering your loose ends and keeping your naughty secret just that, you will owe me quite a lot for these favors.”

Felix sighed. Creepy favors from a creepy guy. Naturally. “What kind of favors are we talkin’ about here?”

At least he was no longer grinning. Though Felix wasn’t sure which was worse to look at: that constant smile or the grin. “You’ll find out when the time comes. Now, I believe you should get out of here, shouldn’t you?”

“Yeah.” The idea of favors being held over him was always annoying, but he needed this. “Oh, uh… I rode my bike here, and - “

“I’ll keep it here while you’re gone,” Flowers said. “Do you need a ride? I would be more than happy to take you where you need to go. I could drive you right to the cabin if you’d like!” He still hadn’t let go of Felix’s shoulder and shook him lightly. “Oh, I can imagine it now! A road trip!”

Felix squirmed away from his touch. “Ah, no. Maybe to the bus station.” On the way here, he had thought about just keeping the bike with him - ride it wherever he was going, that’d be fine - but then he was sure that somehow, the bike would lead to him. Couldn’t have the police searching for his personal motorcycle if he was on the run. Couldn’t bring it with him.

So it was a good thing that Flowers had picked up on that. Smart guy. Weird guy. He ushered Felix out the door, calling over his shoulder to Wyoming that he was leaving. It was still pitch black outside, the only light coming from the moon overhead and spilling from the open doorway. Flowers headed around the side of the house and Felix followed, careful not to trip in the dark as he did. He saw where Flowers was headed and raised his eyebrows. “You drive a truck?” he asked. “Wouldn’t have figured.”

“I have many vehicles, Felix. This one is disposable,” Flowers called back to him. He had it cranked soon, and smiled when Felix opened the passenger side door. “Now get inside.”

With the lights on inside, it was obvious that the truck was old. One bench for the front seat, barely anything suitable for a back seat; the dashboard was cracked and faded, as was the leather of the steering wheel. Disposable indeed, and definitely not something Felix would have ever pinned on these two owning. He twisted around in the seat and could just barely tell that something large was in the bed of the truck, covered by a tarp that was likely tied down. Smuggled goods? A body? Possibly both.

He turned back around, shifting uncomfortably where he sat, and accepted that this was the most awkward ride of his life. It had barely started and it was terrible. Flowers turned on the radio - to some weird and mildly disturbing talk show about aliens and cryptid beings.

Felix hadn’t even known this station existed. “What the fuck are we listening to?” he asked before he could stop himself.

“Local shows are amazing in the early hours,” Flowers mused. “This one is always strange. Very amusing.”

Incredibly uncomfortable. Felix looked out the window, willing anything to end this ride early. He’d rather walk to the bus station. Instead, he suffered through an impossibly long ride listening to crazy people talk about yetis, and that was interspersed with Flowers’s commentary. By the end of it, Felix was leaning against the window and regretting everything that had led to this moment.

Flowers couldn’t even let him go quietly. He insisted on leading Felix inside, stood there while Felix bought the bus ticket, and then hung around for the hour it took for the bus to arrive. He said it was to be sure that no one suspected him yet - but it hadn’t even been eight hours. Even through his paranoid anxiety, Felix was confident he could get away before the cops even looked in his direction. He tried to tell Flowers that, and not only was it ignored but he ended up having to listen to Flowers tell him about the last vacation he and Wyoming had taken to the same cabin he was going to.

He spent the entire time on edge, waiting for the sex stories to come out. The only thing that saved him - and he was certain of this - was the bus arriving before the subject came up. When he made to leave, Flowers followed him, still smiling, and said, “I think a hug is in order here. Don’t you think so?”

Felix shook his head. “Nope. Not at all.”

“Nonsense!” Flowers reached for him, snagging Felix by the arm even as he tried to step away. “I told you before, I am your father figure. Now give me a hug, you scamp. There is nothing stopping me from picking you up myself.”

“No, look, I really don’t - “

Flowers said, “If it makes you more comfortable, you can call me daddy.”

“Why would I want to do that?”

“Come here and hug me.”

He didn’t even hug his real father. But here he was now, giving an oddly awkward hug to the man that was his lifeline to freedom. His life was taking a bad turn.

When he finally got away from Flowers and back outside, the sun was up and basically no one was waiting for the bus. He boarded his with a handful of other people, most carrying much larger bags than his own. Tired looking people heading out to god knows where. Felix pushed past all of them, took a seat in the middle of the bus and collapsed into it. He purposely avoided looking out the window in case Flowers was still mingling around in eyesight, and soon enough, the bus was moving.

Flowers had assured him that it was a three hour ride at the most to where he was headed. Just a small town over the state borders, not too long a trip and not too far away. As the bus pulled onto the street, Felix made himself comfortable, tossing his pack onto the seat beside him and staring out the window. His mind was still buzzing with anxiety but it was peeling away slowly, and underneath that was just exhaustion. He slipped off to sleep without even noticing.

He awoke to someone shaking him roughly, and jolted away from them. He looked up, wide-eyed and confused, into the face of the bus driver.

“Sorry, kid,” the man said. “Didn’t mean to frighten ya.”

Felix frowned, muttered something about not being frightened, and cast a glance out the window. Sunlight was beating down on the asphalt of an empty road. “Where are we?”

“Last stop for today,” the driver said. “Didn’t even know you were back here. Would have driven off with you still here if a lady hadn’t told me you were asleep.”

How long was he asleep for? Definitely too long. No way that three hour trip was the last stop. “Where am I?” Felix demanded.

The driver was already walking back to the front. “Get off, kid,” was all he said.

Felix listened for lack of anything else to do, throwing a dirty look at the driver as he walked past. The second his feet hit the sidewalk, the bus was pulling away, leaving him stranded.

What complete bullshit.

✹ ✹ ✹

It didn’t take too long to find somewhere to stay, at least. It was just some shitty motel close to the bus station, but they had rooms available and it was cheap. Didn’t leave hardly a dent in Felix’s stash of money. The room smelled musty, and there was no doubt in Felix’s mind that some shady shit had gone down in those sheets. He set his bag on the table by the window and set to searching the small room for a sign of where the fuck he was at.

When the bus had left him, Felix’s first instinct was to pull out his phone and check the time. And he had very quickly realized it had died while he was asleep. The motel’s lobby had a clock that read 4:30 - which meant that he had slept nearly seven hours, far past the short three hour ride he should have had.

With that mystery solved, all he had left was two things: Where he was now and how to get back to where he was supposed to be. He figured once he knew this shitty towns’ name, he could get the cost of a bus ticket back to the shitty town that Flowers’s cabin was in. Might cost him more than he’d like, but at least he’d get to escape a manhunt in peace and comfort.

There was a small binder on the dresser, with laminated pages inside. Listings for the TV stations. But it included the name of a town and Felix stared at it blankly for a couple seconds before dropping the binder again. His phone was charging, plugged into the wall and resting on the windowsill. He turned it on immediately, searching for the name and then sighed.

If he was exhausted before, this was bone deep weariness. He had slept long enough for a bus to take him deep into Minnesota, two states from home. And roughly a forty-five minute drive from Minneapolis.

Felix took a seat at the table and slowly lowered his head to rest on his bag. He kept his eyes on the phone in his hand, staring at the location marker on the map. How much would it cost him to get back home?

No, not home. The cabin. The promise of safety that Flowers had given him.

First things first, though, Felix was getting himself some food. The little binder had a list of restaurants too and surely one of them would deliver here and he wouldn’t have to try and navigate an unfamiliar little nowhere town. He chose a pizza place, gave them address and room number, and waited impatiently for it arrive. While he ate, he looked things up on his phone while documentaries played on the TV (purely background noise; Felix could never get into this shit) and wished dearly that he had thought to pack up his laptop.

The next day, Felix woke up with a plan and three separate text messages. He was going down to the bus station - a twenty minute walk, his phone said - and he was going to buy another ticket and then some coffee to make sure he actually stayed awake this time. Easy.

As for the messages… The first one was from Flowers, saying that he hoped Felix was settling in nicely. Second from Wash telling Felix his rent was covered for this month due to the state of his mother. Lastly was from Locus, asking him why Washington had said he was gone and why he hadn’t told Locus any of this business with his mother.

Felix answered none of them. It was great that his excuse worked - even better than Wash was letting him out of the rent - but he wasn’t replying to Locus until he was safe. Same with Flowers.

The weather was rather nice for this time of day. Not too boiling hot yet, hot too humid. Felix checked out of the shitty motel and started his walk with his bag on his shoulders. He had changed clothes before leaving - one of the few extra outfits he had packed up - and had made sure that the key to Flowers’s cabin was still in his pocket before leaving. And yet, he found himself continuously tracing out the shape of it in his pocket, reassuring himself that he still had it.

It took fifteen minutes to walk to downtown. Small shops and local restaurants lined both sides of the street and very few seemed to open. Even fewer people were walking around - a couple headed down the street opposite him, a few in front of him. At least half of them looked homeless, like beggars getting ready to set up for the day. Felix bypassed all of them, making a beeline for the bus station.

The end of the downtown streets were almost completely barren of people. A lot of buildings had ‘for sale’ signs in the windows, and what wasn’t for sale looked to be businesses. An empty lot stood on the other side of the street and Felix glanced at it as he walked past an alleyway. Overgrown grass and a junky, rusted car sat in it.

This town was definitely a shithole.

On the tail end of that thought, something snagged his bag and yanked him backwards. Startled, Felix cursed, stumbling as he tried to keep his footing. There was a guy in front of him now, much taller than he was but nothing too impressive. This guy had a hand on his shoulder in a second, shoving him back further.

Felix now stood in the alleyway that he had just passed, eyes darting between three different men. Each one of them was taller than him, but only one looked threatening - and only then, it because that one held a knife in one hand. If anyone knew how dangerous knives could be, it was Felix. “What the fuck is this?’ he asked quietly.

Really, he already knew.

“Shut up, kid,” one of them said. One of the nonthreatening men. “Why don’t you open up that bag of yours and give us whatever we want?”

The reality of this hadn’t quite set in yet. Felix looked at all three of them again and only said, “Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me?” He wanted to laugh. The bus station was practically right across the street. He was so close.

The man with the knife angled it so that the sun glinted off the blade. Looked sharp. He probably meant for that to be more threatening but all it did was make Felix wish he had his own knives. Then he could destroy these three with no problems. “Do what we say,” the knife wielder said. “Would hate to have to use this.”

It was such a lame threat that Felix could help himself. A grin split his face open and he laughed right in their faces.

The thought that anyone would dare rob him was hilarious. This couldn’t be real.

Felix said, “Oh, this is priceless,” and almost immediately a fist buried into his stomach hard enough to halt his laughter. Hard enough to push the air from his lungs entirely. And before he could take another breath, he was punched again in the same spot. He coughed out, “Jackass,” as he bent over, one arm going to cover his gut.

One of the men had moved behind him and grasped both his arms to pull him back up. There was barely time to react and all Felix could do was grit his teeth and bare it. This was hardly his first fight. Even if he was outnumbered and held still, he knew how it went.

Show no weakness. Don’t cry out. Don’t let them think they have the upper hand.

Maybe in this situation, that last one was a bit stupid. They clearly had the upper hand, had had it from the start. Surprised him, turned to violence quicker than he expected, and now he was being punched relentlessly in the stomach.

The man with the knife said, “Think he gets the point now.” Instantly, the one holding him let go and Felix growled, curling his arm over his stomach. “Gonna give us your shit now, bitch?” the man continued.

Felix glared up at him. “Fuck you,” he snarled. “Go mug someone else, you rotten fucker.”

In hindsight, responding like that was not the smartest decision. Not worth the immediate insults and flurry of attacks. Another punch to his stomach that was followed by the one behind him shoving him hard, sending him to his knees. He curled up on reflex, arms covering his face and grunted at each kick that connected with his body.

It was broad fucking daylight and Felix was getting the shit beaten out of him in a dirty alleyway.

They didn’t bother to take the bag from his shoulders. One of them leaned down and dug through it; Felix could feel the contents moving around and hated that he couldn’t move to stop it without getting a swift kick to the face.

This man said, “Oh, shit! Kid’s got, like, four hundred on him!”

All the money he had left after buying the bus ticket and paying for the hotel, and these jackasses were taking it. When the hits stopped coming, Felix peered between his arms up at them. One of them held the box his cash was stored in, and the guy tossed the little box to the ground to show the money to the other two. When Felix tried to roll over and reach for this man, one of the others, landed a kick to the side of his face.

It stung. He tasted blood as the three guys took off down the alleyway, laughing. Slowly, Felix rolled onto his knees, wincing at the dull pain of his stomach. He spat a small amount of blood on the ground and tongued a tear along the inside of his cheek - wonderful.

Before he got to his feet, Felix swung the bag from his shoulders. Half his clothes were now spilled across the alley, settling in dirt and old standing water. He left the wet ones behind, gathered up the others, and then took stock of what they had taken. The box of cash, obviously, but also a watch that had been sitting in the bag for probably over a year. There was a twenty dollar bill stuffed in one front pocket that Felix dug out.

Totaled with what was currently on his card, Felix was now looking at eighty, maybe a hundred dollars.

Not even enough to afford the ticket he needed.

He was fucked.

✹ ✹ ✹

Without his money, Felix couldn’t buy his ticket but he also couldn’t afford another night at the motel. Not if he only had a hundred. It would drain half his funds and then where would he be but worse off? He spent his day griping internally about his lost money, then griping over text to Locus about his lost money, and then regretting that when all of Locus’s responses were him pestering Felix for answers about what was going on.

He wasn’t ready to explain the whole thing to Locus, especially not over text. Maybe he could warm Locus up to actually calling and talking.

As it was, he went to get cheap food and stewed in his anger over what happened, and then wandered around the downtown area until he found a park that didn’t seem to be too populated at the moment. Here, he laid down on a bench underneath some trees and frowned up at the leaves. A squirrel was in the branches above him,  

Last time he had looked at his phone, it was nearing one. He had wasted hours doing nothing. And he was nowhere closer to figuring out what to do next. A part of him knew he had to stay somewhere tonight, but a larger part of him was insisting that he had done this before. He had spent a few weeks on the streets when he was sixteen. He could damn well do it again.

Felix watched the squirrel flit between branches before leaping to another tree and resigned himself to sleeping outside.

At least until he figured out what to do about money. How to get home.

That night, Felix slept outside, lying on a different bench in a different park. As uncomfortable as it was, his pack served as a pillow - no other way to ensure that someone wouldn’t take it without him noticing. He awoke in that same spot early in the morning to the sounds of traffic and birds and the gnawing hunger mingling with the fresh ache of his bruises. Slowly, Felix stood, slung his pack on his shoulders, and set off down the sidewalk.

First up was food. Something cheap. He entered the first fast food joint he saw and went to the bathroom before ordering. There was dirt on his face, dried blood from where he had been kicked the day before. Even after washing it all off, Felix looked bad. The bruise had bloomed over his cheekbone and was way too obvious.

Felix was too attractive for this kind of injury. Always hated it when someone hit his face, made it really hard to charm people into doing what he wanted when he took a hit like this.

He paid for his food with what left of the twenty dollar bill. The girl behind the counter hardly blinked at the bruise on his face. While he ate, Felix texted Locus again - ignoring all the demands for Felix to explain himself - and asked if Locus would call him instead.

The answer, of course, was no. Even when he didn’t know what was happening, Locus still refused to a call.

Felix sent one last message, ‘You’ll call if you wanna know’, and then left the restaurant. It was barely nine in the morning and already, all he could focus on was how little money he had left. He had to do something.

At around noon, still loitering in the downtown area, Felix walked by the outside seating of a restaurant and slipped a five dollar tip off one table. Two doors down, he pulled another tip from a second outdoor restaurant.

Twelve dollars. Pathetic. It covered everything he had spent on both his dinner and his breakfast, and part of him knew that, but mostly he was annoyed. Twelve dollars was nothing. This situation couldn’t be fixed by simple thievery. While he was mulling this over, Felix let himself wander. He shoved the small amount of cash in his pocket and stared at the street ahead of him without really seeing it - the people who passed him meant nothing, the cars barely registered at all.

He had known he was fucked the moment those bastards took his cash. Had known it to be true enough that he hadn’t even tried to look for them. If he was in Armonia, he would have ignored every ounce of logic and self-restraint and hunted all three men down, no matter how long it took him. He could have manipulated his way through the police or through the underground or any number of ways. The end would have been the same no matter what: murder for the thieves. Deaths that would have taught them a lesson, taught the world a goddamn lesson. That no one fucked with Felix.

In this town, Felix had nothing. He didn’t have his knives, anyone he knew, didn’t even have his good looks to help him charm people into doing his work for him.

So why was it that this was so disheartening? Stealing twelve dollars had seized his heart in a cold grip that he knew was dread of the unknown. He had no way out of this, no simple way to save himself. No parents with money waiting to come save him with one phone call, no secret stash to rely on. Not a goddamn thing.

Early that evening, Felix seated himself at a bar, downing mixed drinks and trying not to think about how he couldn’t afford to do this. He was staring down his second when someone sat next to him. A quick glance showed it was just a guy. Some random guy who was fixing him with a look that Felix knew all too well. Despite distancing himself on purpose, despite the bruises on his face, Felix had garnered the interest of someone at random.

The man wasn’t unattractive nor a stunner in any way. He looked like an average everyday man, someone Felix usually would pay no mind to. Someone Felix would fire smug comments at before dismissing them. Someone beneath him.

Tonight, this man said, “Hey. You new here?” and Felix dimly thought of ordering him to leave.

Instead, he said, “Not willingly.” The man laughed immediately, getting more comfortable on the stool, and Felix sighed. “If you’re gonna sit there, you can buy me a drink.”

He wasn’t sure what he expected, but when the stranger waved over the bartender and offered not only to buy Felix a new drink but to pay for the one he was drinking already, it was a good surprise. Good enough for Felix to crack a smile. Maybe a little company couldn’t hurt, if he was getting free drinks out of it.

The man introduced himself as Jeremy, didn’t even try for a shitty pickup line, and just said, “You looked interesting. And hot.”

“Even with the bruise?” Felix smirked.

And plain, boring Jeremy leaned in closer, dropped his voice to what he probably thought was alluring. “Of course. Stranger shows up, looks like he’s been in a fight? What’s not hot about that?”

This was starting to edge on lame. Felix took a large gulp of his drink and let the words coast through his ego. He was hot, no doubt about that. “You got good taste in men,” he said casually. “Can’t fault you there.” A pause, and then he figured why the hell not? “But this bruise? Ah, c’mon… I know it looks bad.” He laid a hand on Jeremy’s arm, lightly, trailing his fingers over the man’s skin. “You don’t have to lie to me about it. Good-lookin’ guy like you shouldn’t have to do something just to get my interest.”

Worked like a charm. Little tame, just enough to get the guy turning even further to face him, to reach out and reciprocate Felix’s exploratory touches with his own. In a few minutes, plain boring Jeremy had a hand on Felix’s thigh while Felix whispered lewd acts to him. Felix lavished the man in praise, put great detail into the way he’d suck the man’s cock, and by the time he had finished the third drink, Jeremy was basically pulling him out of the bar.

He drove and Felix was too far gone to think that this was stupid. Both of them were dirnking, good ol’ Jeremy clearly wasn’t in his right mind. Couldn’t be, with Felix palming him over his jeans. But the idea of sex - even cheap, dirty sex like this - was too good to pass up. Might clear his mind a bit, might be just the thing he needed.

The little apartment he was taken to didn’t look too bad in the dark. His eyes skated over the place as Jeremy yanked him further into the place, toward what was undoubtedly the bedroom. Nice big TV, but other than that, nothing that stood out. The bedroom got even less attention as the instant the door closed, this man was trying to aim for drunken kisses. Felix refused that, but tilted his head and let Jeremy bite as his skin as they undressed.

There was one instance, one small hiccup, where Felix pulled off his shirt and watched the man’s eyes go straight for the bruising covering him. Right. He had forgotten, somehow, about the evidence of the mugging. In the quiet between them, Felix laid a hand on his chest, frowning.

All Jeremy said was, “I’ll be careful.”

The sort of lame shit a loser like this would say. Felix joined him in the bed anyway, staying true to his promise and swallowing deep around the man’s cock. He was pulling up quickly, offered lube, and then set to working himself open. Through the haze of lust and booze clouding his mind, Felix let his thoughts wander to Locus.

Locus, who wouldn’t at all have said something like ‘I’ll be careful’ when spotting bruises like this. Who would have known just the right balance of rough and considerate, and taken steps not to mention it. Beautiful, dark-skinned, considerate Locus. So much better than this idiotic guy.

Too bad he wasn’t here.

Felix lost himself in the moment, in some strange man’s embrace, and for a few minutes, let himself be the type of person who would enjoy this type of intimacy. The arms around him, the warm mouth at his neck. The sex itself wasn’t bad, but dampered quickly by how boring Jeremy fell asleep so quickly. The man sprawled out under the sheets, snoring, taking up more than half the bed. Beside him, Felix stared at the wall across from him and wished he had had more to drink. Maybe then he would have slept.

With more alcohol, he might have enjoyed this more and wouldn’t be so unsatisfied. He wouldn’t have thought about Locus, wouldn’t be lying there annoyed because of some man’s snores.

It didn’t take long for him to leave the bed, shuffling around in the dark to redress. It was obvious he wasn’t going to sleep, no need to stay here. As he bent to pick his pack off the floor by the door, he spotted Jeremy’s pants. On a split second decision, Felix reached for those instead. There was a wallet inside, and he thumbed through it quickly; credit cards, store discount cards… and two hundred dollars in cash.

In the dark, Felix smiled to himself and took the cash without a second thought. He picked his pack up, shoved the money into the front pocket, and eased the bedroom door open quietly. On the bed, Jeremy snorted.

Before he left the apartment, Felix took a few moments to see if there was anything good in here. An expensive looking watch sat on a table in the living room; he took that and dropped it into one pocket. Other than that, though, there wasn’t anything except games and a laptop. All too obvious to take. Things that would take too much time to fit into his pack.

So, Felix left as quickly as possible. His phone, nearly dead, read a quarter past three in the morning. He stood outside the apartments now - nice building, close to the downtown area - and Felix wasted no time in turning around and heading back to where he thought the bus station was located. With the cash he had on him now, he could do so much more than mope around.

He could probably even afford his ticket back.

✹ ✹ ✹

In Armonia, the idea to give Felix a bit of leniency wasn’t met lightly. Even with the note on the fridge, in tilted handwriting, speaking of how his mother was ill, Tucker wasn’t for it.

Tucker said, loudly, “Dude! It’s Felix! He’s probably lying his ass off.”

Wash had fixed him with a withering stare, already halfway through texting their other, absent roommate. “Why would he lie about that kind of thing?” he said. “Even Felix isn’t that big of an asshole.”

“You say that,” Tucker said, “but that little bastard is slippery. He could be, like… like…”

“Like what, Tucker?”

“I dunno! Killing people! Or something.”

Wash sent the message. He was in the kitchen, standing at the bar with Felix’s note in front of him and a half finished cup of coffee on top of it. Tucker was lounging in the living room, glaring at Wash over the top of the couch. “You just don’t want to pay his part of the rent,” Wash said.

“I shouldn’t have to pay all of it!” Tucker snapped. “You have money from that military stuff, don’t you?”

While it was true that Wash’s ‘military stuff’ was helping pay for this apartment and his classes, it didn’t mean he was willing to empty his pockets when Felix disappeared in the middle of the night. To Tucker, he just said, “It’s my apartment. You’re just living here.”

The remark got more insults and annoyed noises as Wash disappeared back into his room. A little over the top, but Tucker would pay up. In the meantime, Washington had to get ready for the day. He had work first, only five hours today. An early day for him, but he was leaving work to meet up with Maine at the apartment, at a time when Tucker and Sister would be gone. It was rare to actually be alone with Maine somewhere now - once the orders about him shipping out had come in, his apartment was usually overrun by someone from the squad stopping by. Or a lot of them. The amount of times they had taken to invading even Wash’s place was rising, like they were trying to cram as much time with either of them in as possible before the day came.

Wash wasn’t complaining. It was good to see them outside of the battles he had met them in (most of them, anyway) but being alone would be good. Maine would actually speak, for one thing. He may stay silent around others, but with Wash, he spoke and it was one of the things that made Wash really look forward to their time alone.

That and, well… Anyone who said they didn’t like to be alone with someone they loved was lying.

Work passed by without trouble. Locus was still there, and somehow even more annoyingly overbearing than usual, but Wash ignored him as much as possible and left as soon as he could.

Back at the apartment, he set to work on fixing dinner. Steak - unfortunately, Wash didn’t own a grill and didn’t trust the public ones available for all downstairs but a stove-cooked meal was just as good. He was in the middle of putting sliced vegetables and potatoes on to boil when the doorbell rang. Wash paused, threw a look at the door.

It was Maine. Had to be. Only a bit odd, seeing as Maine usually only gave a brief knock of warning before letting himself in. In the brief moment where Wash wondered if he had locked the door or not, whoever was there knocked three times, rapidly.

Wash went to the door with slow steps, sure that this was Maine and yet sure it wasn’t. Couldn’t be one of his old army squadmates; he had told all of them to leave him alone tonight. One of Tucker’s friends? Maybe. Or someone looking for Felix. He was already prepared to send whoever it was away when he opened the door and struggled for words.

A very familiar face looked at Wash with the same amount of surprise he felt - except this man grinned brilliantly and Wash felt a frown forming in turn. This was not what he had expected. Ever. Butch Flowers stood in his doorway, greeting him with that unwavering grin. While serving with the man, Wash had never been able to tell if that grin meant devious things were to come or if Flowers happened to be in a good mood.

Flowers said, “David! This is such a pleasant surprise.”

Yep. Still had no idea. “Don’t call me David,” Wash said. A reflex more than anything. He’d gone by Washington for so long it was odd for nearly everyone to say his first name.

Flowers laughed at him, reached forward and laid his hands on Wash’s shoulders. “Washington, then. I’m pleased to see you.”

Wash stepped back enough for Flowers to let go of him. It just happened to be enough space for the other man to invite himself into the apartment. He shut the door behind him and looked around; Wash watched him warily, still unsure of what to make of this.

“Oh, dear,” Flowers said when he spotted the stove. “Have I interrupted your dinner? It smells good.” He gave Wash a smile over his shoulder. “You wouldn’t mind if I joined, would you? We could catch up. I’m sure you have great stories to tell, it’s been so long - “

“Two years isn’t as long as you make it sound,” Wash said. “And no. You can’t stay.” He ignored how Flowers’s smile melted away instantly. “I don’t even know why you’re here. How do you even know where I live?”

Flowers turned to face him then, another smile crossing his face. It looked fake. The whole relaxed air he gave off felt fake. “I had no idea you were here,” he said. “I’m simply stopping by to carry out a favor for your roommate.” He said the word roommate as an unasked question.

In the silence that followed, Wash narrow his eyes at Flowers, trying to connect this together. It made no sense for someone like Flowers to know Tucker, but then… “Felix?” he ventured.

Flowers nodded.

“I’m not sure i like the idea of you and Felix knowing one another,” Wash said before he could stop himself.

But Flowers only shrugged, laughing quietly. “Felix is marvelous person,” he said. “He’s like a son to me. You have nothing to worry about.”

That was even worse. “Right…”

“If you’ll just point me to his room, I’ll leave you to your evening,” Flowers said. “Some other time, I can stop by and we’ll catch up. How about it?”

“I’d have to let you know.” He would never in a million years willingly let Butch Flowers back into his apartment. “Felix is at the end of the hall.” Wash watched as Flowers left the kitchen without another word, frowning to himself. Tension was winding in his shoulders and back, and it wasn’t going to leave until the man was gone.

Back in the army, Butch Flowers had apparently done shady business - things Wash had never wanted to know about and had gotten rumors of anyway. Things like Flowers capturing the enemy forces, torture, extracting information from them with whatever means he wished to use. It didn’t sound far-fetched back then and Wash had never thought back on it. Really though, the odds of someone doing that sort of thing and being on his squad made no sense. Wash’s military life had been typical. Nothing dirty about it.

In any case, Flowers was not a person Wash had wanted to keep in his life. The fact that he knew Felix was a giant blaring alarm in itself. Felix was already unpredictable and annoying on his own. Wash didn’t need to add potentially dangerous to the list.

Because there was no doubt that Flowers was dangerous.

He had to force himself to go back to cooking and was idly stirring the vegetables when Flowers exited the hallway. He held a bag in one hand, a duffel that had to have come from Felix’s room. “Have a good evening, David,” he said with a smile.

Wash frowned at him. “I told you not to call me David.”

Flowers said nothing. He left the apartment in silence. After he left, minutes after the door clicked shut behind him, Washington admitted to himself that Butch Flowers was one creepy son of a bitch. The man could run a pet shop and he’d be unnerving even then.

When Maine did make it over, Wash didn’t mention the sudden visit.


	8. been thinking too much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So uh. How's everyone been? Good times? Yeah. 
> 
> So i disappeared. Sorry. x:  
> I have no excuse for the summer but from late August to mid November I had no internet and broke my laptop. I was uaing my friends laptop, but now that one's screen isn't working. Disasters all around
> 
> I am sincerely sorry it's been so long. The chapters uploaded will be shorter from here on out. Hopefully it'll help me update faster or at least on a somewhat regular basis. 
> 
> Keep in mind that, at least for now, I can only write on my phone. So it may take a while but not as long, I hope. 
> 
> I understand if you don't find this small upd at e satisfactory but I wanted to give you all something.
> 
> Ily comment read you're the best.

Felix’s disappearance was sudden, left a jarring void in Locus’s day-to-day life. He didn’t even get the news from Felix. He heard it from Grey, who had gotten it from Washington: Felix had left in the middle of a night because of a family emergency. Something about his mother being sick. Locus could understand leaving for something like that if it were anyone else. The few times his parents were brought up, Felix was cagey and spoke with such disdain and hatred that Locus could never imagine him bothering to leave if his mother was sick. 

Something had happened, that much was obvious. Something serious enough to send Felix away. 

And yet, he hadn’t bothered to tell Locus the truth. That alone stirred the anxiety in his core. The texts he sent went mostly unanswered, and the replies he did receive were unsatisfactory. Then, he got more news from Grey, two days after Felix had disappeared. 

Locus had come home from work one night, tired and with the undercurrent of anxiety buzzing under his skin. He wanted to make a quick meal for dinner and retreat to his room, maybe try to contact Felix again. At his kitchen table sat Grey and both her girlfriends, all three of them in the midst of a conversation that had them so engrossed they didn’t look up at him at all. That was fine.  Locus preferred it that way. As he made his way to the refrigerator, he heard Grey’s sharp voice suddenly cut off midsentence. 

“Locus!” 

He sighed and looked over his shoulder at her, glancing to Carolina and Kimball in turn before settling on his roommate’s typical bright smile. There was an edge to it tonight, intensity and excitement. “What is it, Grey?” 

“I don’t know how you’ve missed this,” she said, “but we got something big.” She tossed a look to Kimball, saying, “We can tell him, right? All of it?” 

Kimball was smiling but it was grim. “Well… It is available to the public, now.”

Locus immediately thought of Felix. He blamed the anxiety. “What is it?” he repeated. 

Grey turned back to him. She was standing, chair shoved aside, while the other two sat. Carolina eyed Locus to one side of Grey, a mug of something hot and steaming raised to her lips; Kimball was looking at him as though she didn’t like this idea, even though she had already consented to whatever it was. 

“They saw him,” Grey said, a wide grin splitting her face. “Someone saw our murderer.” 

That was all it took. One sentence and Locus’s anxiety skyrocketed. 

It made perfect sense that Felix was missing now, of course he had left the instant he had been seen. He was in danger and it took all of Locus’s willpower and concentration to stay in that kitchen and talk to his roommate as if nothing were wrong. As if he didn’t have a storm racing through his head. He tried to listen to the details, heard Grey say the witness didn’t have a clear description of the killer, that it was too dark for them to have seen. 

Grey said it was definitely a man. Kimball said the witness swore it was; Carolina interjected that it could be a woman, no one was sure. 

All Locus thought was what if there were pictures of Felix in the news soon? What if the police had a sketch of him, were searching for him, and Kimball wasn’t allowed to say it? Part of him pictured old western style wanted ads while another, quieter part - logic clouded over and ignored by anxiety - tried to reassure himself that nothing was too concrete. 

He spent just under an hour in the kitchen while the three girls talked about it. He offered very little to the conversation, too busy listening to his heart pound and itching with the need to find Felix. To make sure that Felix was safe, satisfy the anxiety that he wasn’t in jail already. When he left, he told Grey he was tired from work, needed rest. 

The instant his bedroom door shut behind him, Locus felt tension in his shoulders release into sharp, panicked breaths - tension he hadn’t even realized he was holding. He needed his medication. He needed to make sure Felix was safe. The pills were in his desk, but the phone was his pocket and Locus went for that first. His first impulse was to call, but after scrolling to Felix’s number, he froze. Even now, the thought of having to call someone was far too much for him. The anxiety coursing through him pushed aside the need to talk to Felix with all the force and deadly power of a tsunami. 

The text he sent instead was short. Simply ‘Where are you?’, and then Locus was taking two pills instead of one moments later. 

The night became a terrible waiting game. His phone buzzed once but it was his manager at work rather than Felix. Locus gazed down at the time he was to come in the next day and felt his heart clench. As if instead of blood, it was pumping his body full of more and more anxiety. Sleep did not come easily; he lay awake for hours, frustrated and waiting for Felix to respond with anything at all.

The following morning, still with no response from Felix, Locus searched for Washington in the animal shelter.The other man was with the cats, as Locus had come to expect. He caught Washington holding one extremely large, fluffy cat in his arms. Another worker was cleaning out a cage, likely preparing to put the very cat Washington held into it. 

Washington fixed Locus with a wary stare. “What do you want?” he asked. “You’re supposed to be - “

“Walking dogs,” Locus finished. “I’m aware.” He hesitated before speaking again and watched as Washington’s look became impatient. Of course. Couldn’t waste Washington’s time when he was busy. “Have you heard from Felix lately?” 

Washington’s face relaxed just a bit. It was much nicer to look at than the strained irritation he held so often now. “Not since he left. You’re telling me he hasn’t bothered you yet?” 

It had only been a day since Felix’s last message. Locus was not going to admit that. “It’s been a while,” he said. He considered telling Washington how anxious he felt still but the presence of the other worker deterred that. 

The other worker who was so clearly trying to pretend not to listen.

Washington sighed. The cat in his arms meowed loudly, squirming in vain to get out. “I’m sure he’s fine,” Washington said, tightening his grip on the animal. “He’s Felix. He’s visiting his family, right? He’s probably just busy.” 

Locus made a low noise. No one else knew of Felix’s actual reason for leaving the city, no one knew the danger he was in.

Washington said, “Try not to worry about him so much.” 

An easy solution. But the anxiety refused to break and Locus spent days in a state of near-constant panic. He made it through work on auto-pilot alone, ignored Grey’s attempts to talk to him, and tried in vain to get solid answers from Felix. The response to his initial text came nearly a day after Locus had sent it. It only read “At a shelter.” 

Felix didn’t elaborate on that, choosing instead to ask how Armonia was doing. He had to have meant the police, the search for him that was still ongoing. 

Over the next two days, Felix messaged him erratically, at all times of the night and day. Everyday, Locus would ask where he was, and each response from Felix was different. Once, he sent a photo of the inside of a fast food restaurant. Another time, he sent a view of tree branches, likely hanging over wherever he was at the time. A third, late in the night, was a selfie of Felix taken in a hotel room. Clothes littered the floor behind him. 

If it wasn’t pictures, it was short dismissals of Locus’s worries: “I’m alive, aren’t I?” Felix would send. Or, “Making money, ask again later.” 

Locus had never wanted to call someone more in his life. It was unsettling. Twice he had found himself staring at their conversation, trying to force himself to dial and actually hear Felix speak. Once, as the days drew into a week since his disappearance, Locus had actually dialed. He let it ring once and then instinctively hung up, anxiety thundering through his veins. 

This was absurd, and he hated it. Hated that there was something in his life that could unravel him so quickly - and that that something was Felix. He couldn’t function as he normally did - couldn’t talk to Grey, couldn’t leave the apartment without worrying over Felix. During work, Washington had taken to checking up on him, said their manager was worried about how withdrawn Locus was getting. Asked if he needed a few days off. 

Washington approached him for the first time, and Locus was too caught up in Felix to pay him much attention. 

That day, he watched Washington retreat from the dogs’ kennels and then pulled his phone out to text Felix. He sent, “I need to know where you are.”

The response was nearly instant: “Demanding.”

Locus frowned. 

Another text popped up. “Call me and I’ll tell you.” 

It was two more days before Locus worked up the nerve to call. Two days filled with anxiety, with the unquenchable need to know where Felix was and what happening. Two days with irritation underneath that, of Locus realizing how badly he had come to depend on Felix and how irrational it was that one person’s absence left him in such a state.


	9. someone take me home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no excuse
> 
> Sex work is a tag for a reason

The first thing Felix had done after stealing cash from his one night stand was go straight to the bus station. His phone died on the way there; Felix had been using it to seem as if he was busy, unbothered by the late hour or the fact that he was walking alone on near empty streets.

He shouldn’t have been bothered. He’d done this so many times before. But never so soon after being mugged. He blamed the cash in his pocket for the rising nerves in his gut, for the creepy feeling of someone watching him and just waiting to drag him off and steal from him again. 

All nonsense, of course. He reached the bus station easily. There was only one car parked outside it, only two people inside. The fluorescent lighting was harsh after the darkness of the night. As soon as he pushed the door open, a woman in a dark blue uniform glanced his way. Must be an employee, he thought. Probably the owner of the car outside. The other occupant was lying on their back on a bench by a wall. The rest of the seats - benches along two walls, rows of arm-less chairs in the middle of the building - were empty.

The woman said, “Hey. You here to wait or do you need a ticket?” 

Felix glanced back at her. Short, tired eyes. “Need a ticket.” She nodded and started to make her way back to the counter. He added, “Just give a second.” 

She said something else but he wasn’t paying attention. It wasn’t important. 

The instant Felix had said he needed the ticket, he realized something. Something incredibly fucking important: He had forgotten the name of the town Flowers had given him. It was irritating but he still had his phone and could just call Flowers and ask for it. He stood there, staring at the phone in his hands for all of two seconds with dread climbing up his spine; if he called Flowers, he’d have to explain why he wasn’t already at the cabin. He’d have not only admit to what happened but admit it to Flowers. With a sigh, Felix unlocked the screen just to see the low battery warning. Two percent. Fantastic. 

Felix cast another glance at the other person inside. Whoever they were, they still hadn’t moved so Felix scanned the room for a wall socket. There were only two - both with vending machines plugged in - and Felix had no problem taking a seat close to one. The charger was in his bag, which he refused to sit down anywhere, so he swung it to his front to dig the charger  out. After it was plugged in and charging, Felix took the time to scroll through his messages. One from Miguel, one from Locus. He ignored the first, opened the second, and then frowned. 

Locus wanted to know where he was. 

That could wait until he was safely inside Flowers’s cabin. 

The woman had made it to the counter and was now watching him. He met her gaze just long enough for her to raise her eyebrows - a wordless inquiry for what exactly was taking him so long. Felix lowered his gaze again, bringing up his contacts. As he scrolled down to Flowers’s name, he reached into his pocket with his other hand, feeling around the money for the cabin’s key. 

And coming up empty. 

He stopped before dialing, laying his phone down beside him and patting down his pockets. No key. Frowning, Felix stared out at the near empty bus station while he thought. He could have sworn the key was in his pocket; he hadn’t exactly had a reason to remove it. When all pockets turned up the same, he turned to his bag instead. He may not remember moving the damn thing, but where else could it be? The front pocket, with his first aid kit, was a solid no. As was the one his money had been in, the empty box taunting him as he opened in. The largest, and main, part of his bag held what clothes he had salvaged from the dirt after the mugging. He found spare change in the bottom of it, but nothing else. 

Not even a sign of the key he needed. 

Sitting in a bus station at nearly three in the morning, Felix started to panic. It gnawed at his chest and he threw a frantic glance at the sleeping man across the station. He had lost the key. He had lost his way to freedom and safety, and now he was stuck in this shitty little town. 

The woman at the counter was still staring at him. As Felix met her eyes, she called out, “You buyin’ a ticket or not, man?”

Felix glanced back at his phone, Flowers’s number still displayed. He could call anyway, there was always a chance that Flowers would take pity on him a second time. He would have to explain the mugging, what happened the past two days, and then Butch Flowers could work a miracle and save him. 

Yeah. Right. 

He took a deep breath, locking his phone. His fingers wound around it tightly. The panic in his chest was easing, slowly, but his nerves were still frayed. “I’ll be there in a sec,” he said. “Had to… look something up.” He sat there for a moment longer before unplugging the phone. The charger went back into his bag, and Felix walked to the counter with cash in his hand.

Felix said, “How far west can I get with this?” and pushed the two hundred to the girl. 

✹ ✹ ✹

By mid morning the next day, Felix stepped off a bus in a different town. Bigger than the last. The crumpled ticket he dropped into the trash read Satellite, Minnesota. Like every other town, Satellite had a downtown and clubs, and plenty of places for Felix to pocket a few dollars here and there. He spent the first day wandering the downtown streets, slipping tips off tables. He ‘accidentally’ bumped into a man in a business suit, walking away with an expensive looking watch that he promptly sold to a pawn shop. Not a bad payout for it, either. 

That night, he slept under a bridge. The local homeless were creepy and dirty, but accepting enough of a poor down-on-his-luck kid. It helped that Felix showed up baring two hefty bags of cheap fast food. In exchange for his generosity, they told Felix where the local homeless shelters were, locations of cheap motels, and, when he asked, bars and clubs they knew about.

Next evening, he was sleeping on a shitty cot in a homeless shelter with warm food in his stomach and another hundred of pilfered cash in his pocket. By the following afternoon, he had found a public pool and snuck in to use the showers, stopped by a store to pick up necessities - like a razor, shampoo, things to look better than some homeless rat. Just because he was living on the street didn’t mean he had to look or smell like it. He scoped out the rest of downtown while he was at it, looking for the clubs or bars he had been told about, sliding tips from outdoor dining tables as he walked. 

There was one in particular he liked the look of, a combination sports bar and casual restaurant. Felix entered the White Tiger bar at half past nine. He sat at the bar, smiled charmingly at the bartender, and flirted until the woman delivered his drink and an order of wings. From here, he could cast looks to the TV mounted in the corner and around the bar, the right half of the restaurant, and eye the pool tables set up in the back. Excellent seating to catch the eye of whoever met his gaze, to send them a drink, to end up with an attractive young girl sitting alongside him. 

Felix left the White Tiger nearly two hours after he arrived with a short, curvy girl hailing a taxi. She said, “I shouldn’t take you home,” or at least, that’s what Felix deciphered. He may have bought her several drinks to speed this up. “My roommates’re home,” the girl slurred. 

He had already forgotten her name. “I’ll get a hotel,” he said. 

It wasn’t as good as her home, but good enough. He took her to the cheapest hotel around, one that charged hourly and was clearly used to this kind of customer. He fucked her on dirty sheets twice to get her to fall asleep. After, despite the ache in his muscles and the fog in his head urging him to fall beside her and sleep off the drinks and the sex, Felix redressed quietly. 

This girl, as it turned out, was a fucking idiot. She must have just cashed a check, because he pulled five twenties from her wallet as well as three hundred dollars and a handful of ones scattered through her purse. He shoved all of it into his pockets, digging through to see if there was anything else he could take. No valuables, but half a bottle of prescription painkillers. Those went into his pack; he could sell that to young kids for a good price. 

Felix was gone after that, closing the door behind him as quietly as possible. He left the card to the room on the table by the bed and set off down the street at a brisk pace. Just in case the girl woke up sooner than he expected. He spent that night under a bridge, curled up against the stone wall with his bag under his head and the cash deep within it. 

The next day, he repeated the process. A different bar, a different girl. This time, he went to her home. 

This one didn’t fall asleep. She asked him to leave after they finished, and he agreed with one condition. He used her bathroom before he left, taking prescriptions from her medicine cabinet. She waved him out the door with a smile, and Felix took a bus to the homeless shelter. 

He texted Locus that night, lying on his back in a dark room. 

“Call me,” he sent.

Locus refused, just like he had been since Felix left. “Tell me where you are,” Locus said. Felix could read the demanding tone of his voice through the text and smiled to himself. 

His reply was the same: “Call me.” He added a few smiling faces after it as if to lessen the blow to the stupid, anxious man on the receiving end. 

Two days later was when Felix’s game blew up in his face. 

The act started out the same: He went to a bar - a gay one this time. He was tired of doing all the work, thought it’d be a good change to get fucked instead. The guy that fell for his lines was tall, sturdy, built from muscles and steel. Hot, even, if Felix wasn’t planning to rob the man blind. His name was Roger. The name Felix gave him was fake. 

Roger took his home and fucked Felix hard in his bed. In the midst of it, which the man’s cock deep inside him, Felix thought it was a pity this guy wasn’t in Armonia. A shame to waste a dick like this on a game to get money. 

And maybe he had drank a bit more than usual this night, or maybe it was the hard, rough sex, but Felix had fallen asleep either way. He woke up in the early morning hours, darkness thick, but dimmed by the first rays of sunlight through the blinds. Beside him, Roger was splayed out and sleeping soundly. Felix spared him a glance before easing off the bed. He stretched, holding back the yawn that threatened to escape, and set to sleepily searching for his clothes. The shirt may have gone on backwards, but he got all the right garments and left the room as quietly as possible. 

Roger’s house was two stories, but empty save for him. Small. On the way up to the bedroom, Felix hadn’t paid much attention to anything besides the hard dick at his back, but it was easy enough to find the way to the living room. His bag lay on the couch, Roger’s keys and wallet on the coffee table. Still tired, Felix tripped over the last step of the stairs, slamming a hand into the wall beside him to avoid falling on his face. 

The world itself seemed to be dozing. He hummed quietly to himself, some song from the bar last night, as he picked up Roger’s wallet and looked through it. A couple fives, straight to his pocket. A twenty, even a fifty. The money was halfway from the wallet when someone spoke behind him and Felix’s heart leapt to his throat and stuck there. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” 

Roger was definitely not as good looking in the morning. He was pissed, for one thing, and the hard lines of his face weren’t as interesting as they had been in the dark. 

Felix blinked. For once, he faltered for words, trying and failing to find a feasible solution to being caught stealing. He considered running, but Roger crossed the space between them in seconds, yanking Felix’s hand with the cash up hard. He looked at the money crushed in Felix’s fingers to Felix’s eyes, and scowled. “I brought home a goddamn whore.”

“I am not - “

“Then why you stealin’ my money?” 

He wanted to argue that. 

“You’re just a fucking whore,” Roger spat. He snatched the money back, releasing Felix as he did. 

He really wanted to argue this, but, really… He had done this sort of thing before, hadn’t he? Sold himself for cheap sexual favors to live on the streets for a month at least. The realization hit him so hard, Felix had to bite back a smile at how fucking obvious this was. He was gorgeous, charming, able to get whoever he wanted to fuck him. Why not do it for money? 

“So what if I am?” he said to Roger. “You gonna pay me for last night now or you want me to steal it instead?” At the man’s answering silence, he didn’t even try to stop the smirk. “I’ll throw in a BJ for free,” he added. 

That worked. Now he had a solid plan for surviving until shit in Armonia calmed down and he could go home


End file.
